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YO!

48 (19%)

I suspect I am, but am not diagnosed as such.

32 (12.6%)

NO!

164 (64.8%)

I've been diagnosed as such, but suspect I am not.

9 (3.6%)

Total Members Voted: 252

[sonerohi]

I just read up on the smiling portions and the confidence portions. People tell me I'm not exactly expressive, but I figure if I can show how I feel a little better (Like a boss) then they might drop more hints on how they feel, and I'll eventually catch them.

[MorleyDev]

Personally I'm a very expressive person. I "talk with my hands" a lot and generally make exaggerated gestures. You could almost call me hammy xD A habit I picked up as a child when I was considered too subdued by many so I forced myself to exaggerate...of cause that doesn't mean I'm always expressing what's going on inside, but I'm usually expressing something ^^ I don't remember signing anything, but apparently there's a social contract that needs maintaining...

I think probably all of us have had cases where we've read someone completely the wrong way simply because we aren't familiar with their style of communication or behaviour, or because we try to apply too many of the same rules across the board, or judge too much based on past experiences.

This is why they always talk about the need to establish a baseline idea of the persons behaviour and not jump to instant conclusions ^^

[Leafsnail]

You just roll with your conversations.  I don't see a reason on trying to discuss this because it's an odd topic and I can't think of anything to say of it.  I guess you would learn this from growing up as an experience.

Yeah... to be honest, I don't think being bombarded with rigid rules that don't apply very often is likely to work better than just practising with patient people who understand you.

[Taco Dan]

People don't notice most times because I'm a good actor, but if I tired or depressed or just don't care enough I start to talk in a monotone. That and the whole eye contact thing. Eye contact has always been uncomfortable for me, and I can't look anyone in the face for more than a few seconds without having to look away. That said, I was only officially diagnosed last year, but I had suspected it for a few years, ever since I found out what it was. Before then, I was either diagnosed with ADHD or depression, but even going to a place that specialized in autism and Asperger's couldn't figure me out, as I guess I'm on the rather high functioning side.
A large problem that I've run into is the saying "Treat people the way you want to be treated". You see, I'm not very easily offended, and this creates problems when talking to people, as I might say something offensive in everyday conversation that I wouldn't take offense to at all.
All in all, on a good day nobody can tell. Though if I plan on actually being friends with someone, I usually have to tell them flat out that they have to be more straightforward with me, because I you tell me you want me to do something, I'll probably do it, if you tell me I should probably do something, I probably won't.

[KaelGotDwarves]

Yeah... to be honest, I don't think being bombarded with rigid rules that don't apply very often is likely to work better than just practising with patient people who understand you.

They are not rigid rules, and they do apply often. Sigh.

Also, those with aspergers/autism spectrum often don't have access to patient people who have any remote semblance of understanding them. That's why we have professional counselors- and sometimes, even they fail at understanding. It's even difficult for friends and families to understand who live with the person. Those with disorders just end up struggling until they find those that seek to understand them instead of applying labels or judging.

[Vector]

I'll just say that the thing about pupil size is basically useless.  It's hard enough to look at someone's damned face without trying to estimate percentages, guess barriers, figure out what is large vs. small, etc.

[KaelGotDwarves]

You have to be very close to their face

[Vector]

You have to be very close to their face

If I'm that close to their face and can stand keeping eye contact, we've probably been dating for a year or more and other data is more important.

I don't know about most people with AS, but I'm pretty touchy about personal space.

[G-Flex]

Yeah, if any "tips" are going to work across the board for people with Asperger's, I don't think "get really close to their face and stare into their eyes to judge pupil dilation" is one of them.

[KaelGotDwarves]

Well, not that close.

It's been enough to tell if someone is interested or if it was time to move on, or go in for kiss or hug or keep my distance. Yes, a lot of other cues factor in, and it's just one of the many.

The other reverse part of it that I find interesting is that large pupils are typically judged to be "more attractive".

I blame anime.

[G-Flex]

It's been enough to tell if someone is interested or if it was time to move on

You could always, you know, talk to the person about it. Why would you need to rely on a bunch of subtle facial cues when it comes to something that important? If you're in a position where a decision like that has to be made, I would hope that you're actually communicating with the person in a manner that doesn't depend solely on those kinds of behavioristic cues.

[Leafsnail]

So... it isn't a wideranging piece of advice - just a small thing to take on board once you've judged everything else.

The other reverse part of it that I find interesting is that large pupils are typically judged to be "more attractive".

I blame anime.

They only inherited it from Disney, I guess.  Who probably took it from somewhere else, considering that big eyes (resulting in a childish look) seems to be a pretty old thing...

[KaelGotDwarves]

It's been enough to tell if someone is interested or if it was time to move on

You could always, you know, talk to the person about it. Why would you need to rely on a bunch of subtle facial cues when it comes to something that important? If you're in a position where a decision like that has to be made, I would hope that you're actually communicating with the person in a manner that doesn't depend solely on those kinds of behavioristic cues.

I do communicate openly. In fact, I'm one of the most "let's talk about feelings" touchy feely assholes I know. However I've quickly learned in dating and real life in general. You CANNOT expect people to say what they mean and mean what they say. Hence bahaviorial cues.

The anime comment was a joke too, but yes, it's grounded in real silliness.

[G-Flex]

Of course you can't expect that, but to predicate decisions on behavioral cues like that, especially with someone you're dating, just sounds absurd to me. If you have to do that, then there's something disastrously wrong with how things are going in the first place.

[KaelGotDwarves]

... Have you lately been in an outside dating situation, club, bar, coffeeshop... anywhere? I mean, you were citing PUA shit earlier.

All those subtle cues will tell you more on a first date or while trying to flirt than most people are willing to tell you. At all.