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[immanuel]

The goblin warlord flew over my walls on his giant bat and wreaked havoc on my fort.  Eventually he was dismounted and while he was fighting off my entire tattered military, his pet giant bat was beating an unconscious craftsdwarf in the head with a (pig tail mitten), which he had previously pulled right off the guy's hand.  Seriously, it was like a page and a half of "Giant Bat hits craftsdwarf in the head with (pig tail mitten), bruising the muscle".  Some other fool dwarf comes along to try and break it up, and the giant bat takes a moment to dismember him bloodily.  Then he goes right back to thwacking the first guy on the head with HIS OWN MITTEN.

The craftsdwarf survived.

[ZeroSumHappiness]

There's a defense idea: Strew forbidden socks and mittens all around your fortress so that invading monsters pick them up and wield them as ineffective weapons.

[jcnorris00]

The Giantess Ote Dontikbo Thudu Ata paid my fortress a visit, but after entering my dodge-me trap, she took one too many oak spiked wooden balls to the stomach and fell over, retching and vomiting.  Then a surprisingly aggressive tamed animal flew over the wall....

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Stray Buzzard bites The Giantess in the head, denting the skin and bruising the fat!
The Stray Buzzard latches on firmly to The Giantess's throat!
The Giantess vomits.
The Stray Buzzard shakes The Giantess around by the throat!
The Giantess retches.
The Stray Buzzard shakes The Giantess around by the throat!  x2

Later on:

The Giantess misses The Stray Buzzard!
The Stray Buzzard attacks The Giantess but She scrambles away!

(Wait a minute, aren't they fighting in a dodge-me trap?)

The Giantess slams into an obstacle!

(Why yes, they are.)

The Giantess's head takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing apart the brain!
The Giantess has been knocked unconscious!

Actually, she'd been knocked dead.

All hail Lastrikusel, the dorfiest buzzard of all time!   

[Arek]

My swordmaster, killing a dragon in one blow.
To the head. With his fist.

Also, i had one pretty badass militia commander. Proved war hero, who managed to fight of whole sieges on his own.
One time, things didnt went out well and goblin maceman took him by surprise in the middle of enemy group. He still managed to kill at least half of them, suffering broken legs and arm in the process before he was rescued.
A few months later nightwing siege came and i send by military to fight them off.
It was pretty close battle, but eventually my dwarves ended up lying unconsciousness with crossbow caused injuries in the pile of nightwing bodyparts. Most of the nightwings was still alive but only few had more than 2 limbs.
I was just about to say "f you, buggers, iam sealing the fort" when my commander finally showed up, staggering by crutch. He killed anything he came across, when a nightwing spearmaster attacked him from above. Brave dorf severed both of his legs and then one wing before the poor bastard could even react. And before the monster hit the ground, he drived his crutch through its skull into its brain. Good thing i made it out of lead.

[Muffindog]

My unlucky farmer has been attacked by a giant cave bat that managed to sneak out of the caverns. She was unarmed, without any armor too. The beast managed to break her left leg and cause some more minor injuries on the arms and hands. She passed out from the pain. The militia was already rushing to her aid, but most of them were asleep or drinking.

As I thought she was a goner, I noticed that they were wrestling for some time, but she didn't get new injuries. Suddenly she came back to her senses and after a brief fight killed the bat.

Upon checking the combat log, I saw about 30 pages of the bat trying to choke her while she was out cold, but with no success. Her neck wasn't even bruised or anything. Then she came back to her senses, stood up and bit and ripped both of it's wings off, using her teeth only. After that she proceeded to kick it to death.

She militia finally came to the place and took her to the hospital, as she wasn't able to stand on her own. She made a full recovery, but the scars on her hands impaired her grasp for the rest of her life, although it didn't seem to affect her. She is now a hardened individual.

Can anyone explain why the bat desperately tried to choke her while she was unconscious, and why it didn't work? I guess it's just that bats just don't have hands for choking things

[Greiger]

The Lancer kicks The Goblin Lasher in the lower lip from behind with her left foot, bruising the muscle through the ({small troll fur cloak})!

Showoff.

[Spacespinner]

So, you've got a Legendary+5 axe, fighter, dodger, and shield dwarf.  He's slain hundreds of enemies and even his bloodsoaked ☼Steel High Boot☼ has a name.  The average siege gives him 200 pages of combat reports and two dozen dead enemies.

Somewhere among the endless combat logs, you notice something spectacular.

The militia commander hacks The White Tigerman Axeman in the lower body with his ({steel battle axe}) and the severed part sails off in an arc!

The militia commander hacks The Frog Man Swordsman in the upper body with his (steel battle axe), tearing apart the muscle and tearing apart the heart!
A major artery in the heart has been opened by the attack!
The (steel battle axe) has lodged firmly in the wound!

Show me what you've got.

Already posted this, but what the hell, why not. A huge number of pages of my hammer dwarf dodging waves of bolts, only to get stabbed in the head fatally the moment he walked into melee range. Huge letdown.

[Urist Da Vinci]

There's a defense idea: Strew forbidden socks and mittens all around your fortress so that invading monsters pick them up and wield them as ineffective weapons.

Nope, because the critters only get clothing in their hands by removing it using a wrestling move from the victim. Giant Desert Scorpions are especially fond of grabbing items.


On a different note, I once had a dwarf who was beaten in the head while unconscious for several combat report pages "become attached" to his wool cap. It is probably possible for a dwarf to 'name' a piece of clothing that took a lot of hits and saved his life. Military dwarves currently name their shields.

[ClkWrkJester]

FB rushes the human traders at my gates, so I send my squad out to end its life. My Militia Commander slams his artifact hammer down on its foot, smashing it to pulp, at which point one of my dwarves rushes up and just cleaves it clean in half in one blow. 

[Iton Ibrukrithzam]

One of my earlier forts got pretty decimated by a tantrum spiral/early magma mismanagement(problem: I had a fort.  problem solved.)

I decided to just end it in a crazy orgy of Fun, so I took my captured bronze colossus and released him in the dining hall.  He only fought one dwarf, the potter, who he fought in the nearby food stockpile.  He grabbed the poor guy by the throat and strangled him ineffectively for the rest of the fort's life as my entire militia tapped away at him with hammers(becoming legendary hammerlords by the end).  However, his position inside the food stockpile ensured that no dwarfs could get close enough to grab the food, and got stuck in a loop of running in for food and getting spooked until they started starving to death.  I grabbed some popcorn and laughed my ass off.

[dreadmullet]

Necroing this thread because it's awesome.

Apparently my hunter was hunting a Kestrel, a bird that probably doesn't even yield a skull, let alone meat.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Aspgren]

I tried to throw a wild adder into a pit recently.

 The sheriff walks up. Holding a baby in one hand and a crossbow in the other .. takes the adder out of the cage (which was next to the pit) to throw it in. The adder immediately breaks free and tries to bite the baby! but the sheriff shoots the adder, the adder is propelled away by the blow and slams into an obstacle (a wall couple of squares away)

 I like that mental image. Dwarven baby tries to crawl away, adder in hot pursuit, mother shoots the adder at almost point blank range and sends it flying.

[FrisianDude]

The goblin warlord flew over my walls on his giant bat and wreaked havoc on my fort.  Eventually he was dismounted and while he was fighting off my entire tattered military, his pet giant bat was beating an unconscious craftsdwarf in the head with a (pig tail mitten), which he had previously pulled right off the guy's hand.  Seriously, it was like a page and a half of "Giant Bat hits craftsdwarf in the head with (pig tail mitten), bruising the muscle".  Some other fool dwarf comes along to try and break it up, and the giant bat takes a moment to dismember him bloodily.  Then he goes right back to thwacking the first guy on the head with HIS OWN MITTEN.

The craftsdwarf survived.

yeah, I hate giant bats much for that. One of my earliest memories involving the little assholes was one smacking a Dwarf to death with his own bleedin' trousers.

[NinjaBoot]

After a nice 6z fall drop over a waterfall by an otter..

The River Otter's [random body part] takes the full force of the impact, shattering the bone!

The River Otter's head takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing apart the brain!
The River Otter has been knocked unconscious!

[AWdeV]

I had one with a stoat jack and my hunter. Hunter walks around, shoots once, uphill, hits it in the head. It doesn't damage the brain, but the stoat is hurled away and hits the ground so hard it dies of that.

Bonus points for style.