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Author Topic: Socially Retarded  (Read 14112 times)

Max White

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #30 on: June 10, 2011, 03:59:29 pm »

What is the difference between not being a asshole and being a asshole who is good enough at pretending not to be one that no one knows?

The smug sense of satisfaction that the asshole gets every time he politely and royally fucks somebody two ways 'till Sunday, and they don't even notice what is going on.

Criptfeind

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #31 on: June 10, 2011, 04:01:33 pm »

Interesting max, but that does not really fall under what I meant when I said no one knows.
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sonerohi

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #32 on: June 10, 2011, 04:25:22 pm »

For the physical awkwardness, I might have some help. I've shot up by feet over the past three or four years, and I was extremely unadjusted to my height and such, until I got into yoga. And as an Asperger person, I have to say, talk to people about it. Working through it gets easier and easier, and the results get better and better. It'll be tough. You will go in for a session and hate trying to 'fix' yourself. You'll go in for the second and hate the doctor. You'll go in for the tenth and be feeling ok. Eventually, you're happy.
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Vector

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #33 on: June 10, 2011, 05:51:14 pm »

You will go in for a session and hate trying to 'fix' yourself. You'll go in for the second and hate the doctor. You'll go in for the tenth and be feeling ok. Eventually, you're happy.

Or, for me, you'll go to ten sessions and find that you're feeling ok by now about hating the doctor >_> <_<

Doesn't work for everyone.  So, OP, don't rely too much on any one solution.  Have faith on yourself.  It does get better, but it will mostly get better through the force of your own efforts.
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SalmonGod

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #34 on: June 10, 2011, 06:47:39 pm »

I had kind of the same progression in school.  My family moved almost every year until I was 8 years old and just about to start 3rd grade, when we moved to an extremely small and very religious conservative town in Indiana.  This place was the closest I've ever seen a real place come to being the way small towns are depicted in horror movies.  I'd been raised by intellectual parents in an academic environment, playing D&D and reading Tolkien... so the odds of fitting in with this place were very stacked against me to begin with.  Then my parents told me that we were probably going to live there for the next 10 years. 

I went absolutely haywire over the idea of being able to make friends and actually keep them, and turned myself into the class clown for the next 5 years or so.  No friends.  Not much true bullying, but general unacceptance from everyone.  Around the beginning of 7th grade, I was getting so desperate that I started hanging around dangerous losers who used me as a tool.  I also started to calm down a bit.  I was around people more so less lonely in that sense, but starting to suffer real abuse and still had no real connection with anyone.  Around the end of 8th grade, I started deliberately alienating myself while making real friends online.  High school was very rocky.  I started getting rebellious.  I got hurt a few times, though I chose never to hurt anyone else.  It would have been a lot worse if I hadn't started over at a new school my Junior year, at which point I very consciously became almost completely anti-social, because I just wanted to finish my last two years without trouble.  It was here that I got very good at avoiding attention.

I've never had any serious issues requiring professional help, even though some people used to think I did.  I overcame everything on my own.  I get along with people just fine today (I'm 28).  In fact, I can get along with basically anyone, including people like you who have trouble getting along with anyone.

It's hard to provide real advice without actually knowing you, but it should be pointed out that both sides of the Be Yourself vs Learn Social Skills debate are correct to an extent.  It's up to you what constitutes who you are, but it is true that you can learn social skills that will help you without drastically changing yourself.

In my case, I still have bad posture, still sit in wierd positions, still fidgety, still tend to avoid or cut through small talk, among other things I'm sure I'll think of later.  I can't change these things without feeling too much like a different person, and I still get comments from people about them.  However, I've also learned how to appear relaxed, recognize boundaries, make appropriate eye contact, be cordial even without small talk, express appreciation or respect without seeming wierd, and navigate conversation very tactfully.  Even people who are completely the opposite of me in most ways find me likeable, such as my wife's heavy-handed southern baptist conservative military veteran grandparents who apparently went around to the rest of the family saying all kinds of good things about me after they met me.

If you think you have a genuine problem, it's probably best if you at least try professional help.  Otherwise, it just takes time and practice, and I don't know of any hard rules or very specific pieces of advice that would be helpful (not without knowing you, anyway).  It does get better after high school for most people, but that's only if you work towards it.  Don't listen to anyone who says there's no reason to believe that, but don't take testimony that it does as reason to just wait for it.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2011, 08:20:58 pm by SalmonGod »
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Siquo

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #35 on: June 10, 2011, 07:00:52 pm »

What is the difference between not being a asshole and being a asshole who is good enough at pretending not to be one that no one knows?
One shows the capacity to learn.
One is delusional in thinking that no one knows.
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Max White

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #36 on: June 10, 2011, 07:04:14 pm »

One is delusional in thinking that no one knows.

Ooh, touché!  :P

PyroDesu

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #37 on: June 28, 2011, 12:13:33 am »

This is a lot like me too. I'm in high school, by the way.

In school, I never seem to be able to make any real friends, what friends I do have are people who are all fine and great until you put them with with another person, at which point, friends they aren't. If I ever try to go with the flow, the flow flows away from me...
In other words, if I do something that's cool at the moment, it isn't cool anymore. Ever.
I don't have any disorders (I think), it's just that people don't seem to like me. Although a personal flaw of mine is I tend to argue my (usually correct) point unless they manage to prove me wrong, instead of staying quiet when others in a group do it wrong. Although I do admit it if I am proved wrong, unlike some people... (My brother, but I have no idea what's up with him, as he has ADHD and Bipolar, but back on topic)
Physically I am rather awkward, being a little short and slightly overweight.

The odd thing is, in social media like forums, I fit in great!
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PCpaste

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #38 on: June 28, 2011, 01:36:35 am »

I had problems with the social aspects of school. I didn't want to talk to people, because people were all stupid. I didn't need to, nor did I want to know them.

This of course wasn't normal, and as thus people targeted me. It just added to my unwillingness to socialise with them.

I honestly only have one friend from school, and the only reason I know her is because one of the first things we spoke about was that she had a crush on me.

I was pulled out of school after grade six, not against my will. Teachers didn't like me, students didn't like me, nobody liked me.

However, my social abilities decayed, and I now have no ability to socialise correctly with anyone but the aforementioned friend and my parents. If anyone outside of that circle attempts to interact with me, I stare at them, unable to speak.

EDIT: I meant I was pulled out of public school, i'm still in school, just homeschooled.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2011, 01:38:59 am by PCpaste »
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Siquo

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #39 on: June 28, 2011, 02:51:50 am »

I blame group dynamics: Groups will quickly form homogenous social norms (that's what they're for), but if your norms are incompatible with those norms, you can't join. Having no groups nearby that match you doesn't make you weird, just unlucky.
Hang on till college and try again, it usually gets better.
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lordcooper

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #40 on: June 28, 2011, 03:02:00 am »

Hang on till college and try again, it usually gets better.

Note:  All those assholes in school will also be in college.
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Max White

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #41 on: June 28, 2011, 03:30:04 am »

Note:  All those assholes in school will also be in college.
What? No they weren't, not for me anyway.

Blargityblarg

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #42 on: June 28, 2011, 03:37:23 am »

Hang on till college and try again, it usually gets better.

Note:  All those assholes in school will also be in college.

Most of the arseholes in my case left school as soon as they could; before high school was even technically complete.
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Siquo

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #43 on: June 28, 2011, 04:01:48 am »

Hang on till college and try again, it usually gets better.

Note:  All those assholes in school will also be in college.
You did not read well. They are not assholes, nor are you defective, please report to the nearest bi-polar thread. It's about incompatibility. There's a much larger chance that you will find more people-like-you in college, and hence find a group with norms compatible to yours.
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This one thread is mine. MIIIIINE!!! And it will remain a happy, friendly, encouraging place, whether you lot like it or not. 
will rena,eme sique to sique sxds-- siquo if sucessufil
(cant spel siqou a. every speling looks wroing (hate this))

Mindmaker

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #44 on: June 28, 2011, 04:50:57 am »

You will go in for a session and hate trying to 'fix' yourself. You'll go in for the second and hate the doctor. You'll go in for the tenth and be feeling ok. Eventually, you're happy.

Or, for me, you'll go to ten sessions and find that you're feeling ok by now about hating the doctor >_> <_<

Doesn't work for everyone.  So, OP, don't rely too much on any one solution.  Have faith on yourself.  It does get better, but it will mostly get better through the force of your own efforts.

Or you go in for the first session, get diagnosed and live in denail for a week. Then you go in for your second and actually feel good and confident about being able to handle it.

It's worth a try at least.
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