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Author Topic: Socially Retarded  (Read 14118 times)

Astral

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #15 on: June 06, 2011, 03:13:21 pm »

I had a similar issue through school. Small circle of friends, only two or three that I really knew; other people seemed unbearably stupid and not worth my time. Plus, with other activities, I had little time to be messing around. Sat in the back of classes, effortlessly getting good grades while reading good books and paying little attention. Martial arts practice allowed me to work out stress, and keep the discipline to completely ignore the morons who harassed me. Unfortunately, that practice didn't help me much in college. I found college almost unbearable as a whole because I couldn't enjoy the social aspect of it.

Long story short: adapt or die (on the inside). After going to college and holding a steady job, I've realized that the worst thing I can do is act like that. It's probably the hardest thing for you to do at this point, seeing it in the moment, but I look back at those days and see how much time I wasted that I could have been... better.
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freeformschooler

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2011, 10:25:20 pm »

I had a similar issue through school. Small circle of friends, only two or three that I really knew; other people seemed unbearably stupid and not worth my time. Plus, with other activities, I had little time to be messing around. Sat in the back of classes, effortlessly getting good grades while reading good books and paying little attention. Martial arts practice allowed me to work out stress, and keep the discipline to completely ignore the morons who harassed me. Unfortunately, that practice didn't help me much in college. I found college almost unbearable as a whole because I couldn't enjoy the social aspect of it.

I find this not to be true for me. I was in essentially the same situation you describe throughout high school, and it was pretty okay, but I longed for friendship past my couple of friends even when I was working on doing better in my schoolwork. Now that I'm in college I've made more friends than I can count. Everyone is just a lot cooler.
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Max White

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2011, 10:35:47 pm »

Yea, once your out of high school, you will start to love life.
I think a large part of the problem is that when people from high school get to know you, you are a lot younger and a lot more immature then you might be in your later high school life. You haven't yet picked up on the same social skills that others have, and because of this you are made out to be a target, and this follows you no matter what you do. It is a pit that is very hard to dig your way out from.
But once you leave high school, you also leave that reputation behind, and you get to start again as a more mature person who, although might not be the most social person in the world, they are 'normal' enough to not be constantly attacked. Further more, I have seen people who had strong and large social circles in high school do poorly with friends later on because they became so adapt to that specific circle, they couldn't go without them, and they weren't adaptable enough to make a lot of new friends. Although far from a sure thing, this seems to happen to douche bags who are making attacks on the 'nerds' far into later high school.
By the time you go to collage, or uni, or what ever they call it where you are, or get a job, people don't find that shit nearly as funny, but these people have been enjoying that as the social norm for years, and when not in this close group who also see being a douche bag as normal and entertaining, they don't fit in as well.

tl;dr: High school sucks.

Grakelin

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #18 on: June 09, 2011, 05:12:35 pm »

I don't know why everybody thinks your life magically gets better after high school. You're still not going to make friends, find love, and be successful in all things you do if you actually have an untreated mental condition, no matter how many high school diplomas you gain. If you really feel like you are socially disabled, seek professional guidance. It could be that you aren't, you are just slow to develop social skills. Either way, just work on it, and find the niche which you already belong to.
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Okay, so, today this girl I know-Lauren, just took a sudden dis-interest in talking to me. Is she just on her period or something?

Levi

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #19 on: June 09, 2011, 05:27:06 pm »

Didn't it get better for you? 

I was much happier after high school.  To be honest I think its probably a lousy experience for pretty much everyone.
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Vector

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #20 on: June 09, 2011, 05:44:22 pm »

Didn't it get better for you? 

I have Asperger's.  High school and college are pretty much the same, but I can now tell when people are abusing me and, instead of having abusive friends, don't really have any friends.

I'm seconding Grakelin on this one.  I found that I couldn't get help over the age of 18 because Asperger's is a "childhood disease," so I ended up in a lot of trouble and pain and wound up needing to help myself.  Didn't work very well.  So... please, if you can, go in and get some help.  Acting sooner than later is important.

I sincerely wish you the very best of luck.
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Levi

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #21 on: June 09, 2011, 06:14:34 pm »

Sure, if you have an illness you should always get help, no doubt about that.  But that doesn't take away the fact that high school feels like hell for a lot of people because its usually an awful environment. 
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Grakelin

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #22 on: June 09, 2011, 06:45:36 pm »

Didn't it get better for you? 

I was incredibly shy and awkward until about 16, where I decided to make a change in my game plan and suddenly became popular and had girlfriends. The end of high school didn't actually make anything better, I wouldn't say, though the 'power' I have is quantifiable in titles I hold around the university, instead of in girls I date.

Now, I know not everybody can necessarily pull this off as easily as I did, but just work at making yourself the person you want to be instead of being the frightened person you don't want to be. Even if you fail at your goals, you'll still be a happier person.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2011, 07:21:35 pm by Grakelin »
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I am have extensive knowledge of philosophy and a strong morality
Okay, so, today this girl I know-Lauren, just took a sudden dis-interest in talking to me. Is she just on her period or something?

Africa

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #23 on: June 10, 2011, 12:13:08 am »

If you aren't willing to "appease" people you don't like, you won't get very far in life. Just saying.
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Nikov

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #24 on: June 10, 2011, 01:14:37 am »

Didn't it get better for you? 

I was incredibly shy and awkward until about 16, where I decided to make a change in my game plan and suddenly became popular and had girlfriends.

Ditto. I saw myself in a video my buddies made for Speech and thought, "Jesus, is THAT my posture?" Things really changed after that. Before I felt weird because I looked weird because I genuinely was weird. Then my posture became normal, I stopped wearing so much black (switching to grey blue and green, no preppy shit for me) and things genuinely improved. People had been telling me to do these things for a while, but until it became something I realized was important I always blew it off as 'conformity'.
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Siquo

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #25 on: June 10, 2011, 07:02:35 am »

Nonsense, it's all bad advice. There's no such thing as social skills, it's just blahblah people falling for other blahblah. Blegh.


People will start liking you when you stop caring that they like you. Not all of em will, but that will never happen anyway.
Bonus: If it doesn't work, you still won't care that people don't like you. :)

Yeah, I'm in a mood. Still, I mean all of it, though.
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Grakelin

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #26 on: June 10, 2011, 03:43:01 pm »

Social skills, often called 'soft skills', are actually an important thing for people to have, and not just for making friends at school. Consider all the people you have ever not liked in your life and ask yourself why you didn't like them. It is usually because they are completely oblivious and unwilling to even pretend to care about other people's needs. I've known people who come as close to not caring what other people think of them as is humanly possible (because to some degree, we all actually care), and I didn't find this trait to influence my opinion of them at all. I would still be frustrated at irresponsibility, neediness, and ignorance coming from them as I would be if the person dressed exactly like me. Similarly, I would still be impressed by respectability, kindness, and empathy.

I would also be turned off by a person who was incredibly boring or who only talked about themselves or who responded in a negative way to everything I said. And that's what social skills are for.
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I am have extensive knowledge of philosophy and a strong morality
Okay, so, today this girl I know-Lauren, just took a sudden dis-interest in talking to me. Is she just on her period or something?

Siquo

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #27 on: June 10, 2011, 03:45:03 pm »

That's the difference: I rather have assholes and boring people than assholes and boring people who pretend that they aren't.
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Criptfeind

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #28 on: June 10, 2011, 03:55:20 pm »

What is the difference between not being a asshole and being a asshole who is good enough at pretending not to be one that no one knows?
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Levi

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #29 on: June 10, 2011, 03:56:36 pm »

What is the difference between not being a asshole and being a asshole who is good enough at pretending not to be one that no one knows?

One shows the capacity to learn.
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