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Author Topic: Socially Retarded  (Read 14097 times)

atomicwinter

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Socially Retarded
« on: June 05, 2011, 03:16:13 pm »

I've always known that people where never my thing, but until recently I never knew how bad I was or how bad people are telling me I am. For most of elementary and middle school I was very hyper and loud and obnoxious and I was frequently the one who everyone insulted and talked down too. Because of this in High School I was very very quiet, didn't talk to anyone really. I don't understand it, but people still treated me like crap. Most of my classes where all new faces since the high school I went too was fed by 6 different middle schools. I think some of it had to do with the way I dress. I do look as some have described "off". Now I've been trying to talk to people. Apparently whenever I open my mouth I'm coming off as an obnoxious asshole, when to me all I am doing is talking normally saying what are to me normal things. I don't really understand any of this, and it's starting to get to me because people for the most part don't treat me like a person, I'm always the one in the group getting slammed on so to speak about something. I guess it's kinda weird to post this on an internet forum, but I might as well I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this sort of thing. I've gotten into some very violent fights as of late because of me calling out people who are slamming me. I really don't like having to be violent with people, and some of the fights are getting bad.. and I am getting hurt. I just can't stand being pushed so much, I don't get violent often.. but when I get pushed over the edge I just fill with rage and I can't control anything, people just don't lay off of me. I feel like everyone is constantly looking at me and thinking I'm just some weird "off" loser. I'm pretty physically awkward, I just walk weird how I hold my arms.. even the way I sit down is just awkward and different from everyone else. When I pick something up or move or fiddle with something it just looks like its done in such a clumsy and weird manor. Just looking for some input and help, if there is any to be had.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2011, 03:33:15 pm by atomicwinter »
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Little

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2011, 04:43:48 pm »

It's highschool, just suffer through it. Try finding friends with your interests.
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Safe-Keeper

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2011, 05:55:25 pm »

Contact your school nurse, a counscellor, a doctor, or even a hotline or support forum. There's a number of things it could be, and many of them can be treated.
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Funk

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2011, 06:26:51 pm »

i sear the day you end school all the assholes fad out of your life, some move away, others change, some even do time.

you get better in the awkward areas, if only as pubitey is an awkward time.
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Jusman

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2011, 06:45:05 pm »

Try not to get into a lot of fights, that will likely just distance you from others even more.
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RF

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2011, 07:03:18 pm »

People are going to give you some really bad advice. Such as "Just ignore it, they're sad" or "Just be yourself" or "Just suffer through it".

This is very bad advice. Ultimately, bullying is due to something being perceived as "wrong" with a person. If you don't learn to adapt to different circumstances with different people, it can cause trouble in later life, especially in social networking.

My suggestion (and one I experienced myself) is to train yourself to be more "socially capable". Watch other's movements and try to mimic them. Just try to learn from people's movements and approximate them.

Obviously getting yourself checked out by a psychologist would do a lot of good, but most therapies are based off these basic concepts anyhow so it can't hurt.
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Glowcat

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2011, 11:18:02 pm »

I had a similar problem during High School and it made the entire experience a nightmare. I'd just avoid people most of the time and had few friends. However, my problems stemmed more from general anxiety when talking to people, compounded by my apparent inability to communicate. When I try to say something that sounds great in my head everyone looks at me all confused or annoyed and my anxiety kicks in more, so eventually I just want the conversation to end before I say something even stupider.

It wasn't so much a problem with people that I had gotten to know, but I couldn't approach others easily.
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Urist McDerp

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2011, 12:08:54 am »

Quote
Ultimately, bullying is due to something being perceived as "wrong" with a person.
Thiiis... If it isn't because something is wrong with the bully, who then takes it out on others. But people out-casting others socially is generally because said outcast is doing something wrong.

Sounds like you were the one to actually initiate the fight. First protip: Never fight over something that petty.

Second protip: Actually listen to what they're saying about you. You want to know how to be a less socially awkward person? It's rather rude, but people have a tendency to talk about what you're doing wrong. Rather than get aggressive about that, take note of what they say you did that wasn't up to social standards. You'll probably scrounge up some much more specific advice than what I can give you based on that messy word dump.
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Max White

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2011, 06:00:20 am »

Good thing is you realize that you was wrong and people who told these things they are real friend or they like your happiness and so rare people who told other's mistake without any self purpose. Now you can improve your self.

I'm going to be your friend and be honest here, that was a little bitchy.

Now, on topic.
Your reaction is the most important thing here, and from the sounds of it, you haven't handled yourself very well at all. This has given you a bad reputation, and you now are basically a walking target. Even if you start doing the right thing now, recovery will not be instant, but instead will most likely continue until you crack again and will be back to square one. This will continue until you leave high school. Unless you can manage to control yourself long enough for them to lay off.
And by 'control yourself', I don't mean flat out ignore them. That is a straight up challenge to them, and they will eat that shit up. Best option is to change your state of mind. Think of these people as close friends that are just joking around. Now, how do you react when a friend makes a joke at your expense.
Protip: There is no 'correct' answer, just the one most natural to you. And if you can't handle criticism from a very close friend, you need to do a lot more grinding on your charisma than first thought.

Mushroo

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2011, 10:54:12 am »

Head on over to www.wrongplanet.net and check out some of the sub-forums like "Social Skills and Making Friends." I'm not saying this because I think you have Aspergers/Autism/Tourrettes/etc (I'm not qualified to make that diagnosis!!! talk to a PROFESSIONAL if you think you might require diagnosis!) but rather because the discussions on wrongplanet.net can be very, very helpful even for a neurologically "typical" person who is struggling to "fit in."

For example I don't have Aspergers (as far as I know...) but I've never been able to really appreciate fashion/clothes. A discussion of "why do other people even care how I dress?" over at wrongplanet got me on the right track. (I still have the neckbeard though! ;))

Good luck! :)
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lordcooper

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2011, 11:28:05 am »

Wow, there seems to be an awful lot of assimilate/follow/be someone else advice here.

Just be yourself fella, so long as you're not acting like a dick.  Those that can't appreciate you for who you are (unless you're a dick) aren't worth giving the time of day.
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Mushroo

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2011, 11:51:45 am »

Wow, there seems to be an awful lot of assimilate/follow/be someone else advice here.

Just be yourself fella, so long as you're not acting like a dick.  Those that can't appreciate you for who you are (unless you're a dick) aren't worth giving the time of day.

Actually this is a myth... social skills are SKILLS (just like in Dwarf Fortress!) that can be practiced and improved without changing Who You Are. You get to keep your same interests, beliefs and personality traits, but life goes a little smoother when your interactions with other people are less stressful.
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lordcooper

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2011, 11:57:25 am »

Wow, there seems to be an awful lot of assimilate/follow/be someone else advice here.

Just be yourself fella, so long as you're not acting like a dick.  Those that can't appreciate you for who you are (unless you're a dick) aren't worth giving the time of day.

Actually this is a myth... social skills are SKILLS (just like in Dwarf Fortress!) that can be practiced and improved without changing Who You Are. You get to keep your same interests, beliefs and personality traits, but life goes a little smoother when your interactions with other people are less stressful.

And I find that to be a potentially harmful belief that encourages people to think/act/present themselves in similar homogenous ways.  If there's someone I just don't click with, then I'm sure as hell not going to act differently to appease them and I'd look down upon anyone who tried to do that to me.

That said, both viewpoints are merely viewpoints.  Chances are, we're both wrong.
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Mindmaker

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2011, 01:51:23 pm »

I would agree with you, but...
Life doesn't always give you the chance to go out of peoples way. Sometimes you even need to get along with people you don't like.
And exchanging a couple of pleasantries, in exchange for a little harmony at your workplace, or whatever other closed, small environment you are in, is a pretty sweet deal.

*shrug*
That's how I survived civilian service. If I hadn't kept up the facade, they would have continued bullying me, just like they tried at the beginning.
When I'm at the university I can drop that act and finally be me again.
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Mushroo

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Re: Socially Retarded
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2011, 03:11:21 pm »

Wow, there seems to be an awful lot of assimilate/follow/be someone else advice here.

Just be yourself fella, so long as you're not acting like a dick.  Those that can't appreciate you for who you are (unless you're a dick) aren't worth giving the time of day.

Actually this is a myth... social skills are SKILLS (just like in Dwarf Fortress!) that can be practiced and improved without changing Who You Are. You get to keep your same interests, beliefs and personality traits, but life goes a little smoother when your interactions with other people are less stressful.

And I find that to be a potentially harmful belief that encourages people to think/act/present themselves in similar homogenous ways.  If there's someone I just don't click with, then I'm sure as hell not going to act differently to appease them and I'd look down upon anyone who tried to do that to me.

That said, both viewpoints are merely viewpoints.  Chances are, we're both wrong.

When I'm not playing dwarf fortress, I'm a heavy metal musician, and I find it's quite the opposite... musicians who have good social skills are more successful; because of their success, they are allowed to act/wear/play/say whatever they want (in fact they are paid and rewarded for it!)... musicians with poor social skills aren't asked to join the best bands, they don't play the good gigs, maybe a few years down the line they're forced to cut their hair, take a low-paying job, and wear a corporate uniform.

Alice Cooper for example has one of the weirdest, strangest, most shocking stage personae of all time. Off-stage he has excellent social skills and gets to play charity golf matches with politicians, business leaders, and celebrities. If he had decided as a young man "I don't care what other people think of me," do you think society would have afforded him the same success and opportunities for self-expression?
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