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[Gunner-Chan]

Yeah but I feel after 20 or so years of having a bad temper I'd of learned to deal with it somewhat.

[Bauglir]

Well, one more step on the road toward that right? Anger management's one of those insidious things where it's hard to tell it's necessary until after you go, "Oh, wait, shit, that was kind of uncalled for wasn't it?" No significant harm done I'm hoping.

[Gunner-Chan]

Me too. Guh. As if I needed another mark against myself on here. I'm already still "That idiot that started the happy thread".

Ah well Life goes on. I hope no hard feelings Salmongod since I just misread so, so bad.

[Pnx]

There is of course a reason for why it's called the rage thread.

I'm already still "That idiot that started the happy thread".

The happy thread is probably the best thing that's ever happened around here.
Just thought I should say.

[kaijyuu]

Holy shit, salmongod.

All I have to say is I've seen the long term effects of being everyone else's support. My father brought my family single handedly through 3 people's depressions, including my own (and mine being the least of the three). I still have scars on my arm from one of my mother's tantrums. The family is now functional but far from without problems, and he still supports everyone else all on his own shoulders. He's a man I definitely respect, but is more and more broken every day. Bit by bit. One of these days he's going to collapse and I don't know what will happen.

If all that's the truth (especially the part about abuse directed at you), you're an excellent human being, but I hope you know your limits. Be sure you have someone to carry you if you need it.

[Vector]

Yeah but I feel after 20 or so years of having a bad temper I'd of learned to deal with it somewhat.

You and me both, man.  Well, maybe it's more like 13 years of being incredibly cranky on my part, but that's only because I'm younger than you are.

We'll figure it out eventually.

I'm already still "That idiot that started the happy thread".

I quite like it, you know.  No one is saying that stuff anymore now that the shitposting's pretty much gone, and we don't have copy-cats springing up every two minutes.  You are super-cool, Janet, and one mistake (or lots of mistakes, unless you suddenly become a rampaging serial killer outside of things like Oblivion) cannot change that :I

[Bauglir]

Strictly speaking, wouldn't becoming a serial killer still be a series of mistakes?

More relevantly, yes.

[Nadaka]

I'm just saying I don't think it's right to pretty much threaten someone with something like that who's been through that kind of life. She needs help and reassurance, not being told that things are over if a certain behavior doesn't stop.

Growing up abused my cause someone to become an abuser, but it does not excuse it. To say "I will leave you if you keep abusing me" isn't a threat, it isn't a bad thing, it is a good thing and hopefully the truth.

Maybe he is to weak to follow through if she never changes, maybe he is strong enough to wait it out until she does, but acceptance in the face of abuse is never the right thing to do.

[Vector]

I wouldn't go as far as "never."  Most cases, though.

I accepted a lot of abuse in a not-quite-similar-ish situation (being beaten with a ladle, etc.) because I thought my abuser would kill herself if she didn't have me around to be friends.  I may have been wrong, but given what I knew about the situation it certainly seemed like the right thing.  Then, later, when she could take it, I left.

That may fall within the suggested range, however.

[GlyphGryph]

Wow, uh... I don't know what I've missed, exactly, but having skimmed through the last couple of pages I have to say I'm probably really really glad I missed it.

So, I've been wanting to talk about something, and maybe it doesn't really belong in this thread, but at the very least you guys are mostly people I wouldn't mind discussing it with and anything to shift the topic to something hopefully productive.

It's like this - a while ago, I was thought of by at least a few people the forum as a girl (thanks to a humorous mafia thread). I'm actually a guy, technically, but I didn't discourage it. I didn't actively lie about it or try to deceive anyone, but I actually liked being thought of that way, treated that way, because at least for a little while, while I was reading responses, I could see myself that way. And it was nice.

Now, I don't have any problem being a guy, and no real desire to become a girl, but it was nice to feel like a girl somewhere, to be treated like one. To think of myself as one for a while. But eventually, of course, most people realized I was a guy (not too hard to figure out really, and it is the default, so in absence of my reinforcing things to the contrary...), and of course I realized once people know that, even if you ask them to, they're probably not going to think of you as a girl when they post any more. I mean, I feel like because of it I understand a small part of the difficulties a trans-person faces : to know other people won't see you the way they want you to, the suspicion that even if they got them to call you by the desired pronoun they would still "think" of you as the other gender, and that's important somehow.

But I miss it. I miss feeling a bit feminine, I miss not feeling like a guy for a little while. Do people think actively portraying myself as female in a sort of situation like that would be dishonest? If, say, I were on a different forum, would it be alright to "be a girl"? Would it be insulting to actual women on the internet? Or is an internet id really what you make it, and if you see yourself as something and act like it, you are it (for the defined scope, at least)?

I don't know, it feels like it would be a sensitive issue, and I don't really understand why but I feel like it would be. I don't feel like I'd be lying, I may not have the real life experiences that go into being a woman so maybe I wouldn't be a normal woman, but I would feel like within the confines of the environment I would be... but I feel like if it came out that I took on a different gender identity on a different forum, people would feel like I was just pretending and...

Uh, I don't know. I just know I've wanted to make this post for a while and never really been confident enough too or felt like this wasn't the right place, but since it deals with issues of gender identity maybe it was? And every attempt always came out this sloppy, so I figured what the hell... Sometimes I just want to be a girl for a while, and I feel guilty about it like the desire alone is enough to somehow diminish its meaning... and then I wish that it didn't have any meaning. In my ideal society gender labels would be something we chose, indistinct from physical sex, that we could take on or off at will.

Eh, maybe I'm just a weirdo. :/

[SalmonGod]

Ah well Life goes on. I hope no hard feelings Salmongod since I just misread so, so bad.

No hard feelings.  I really do understand.

Wish I could say more, but I had to leave work to take my kid to the doctor on short notice.  Probably won't be around again until tomorrow.  Funny how this stuff happens as soon as I reveal a whole bunch of stuff about my personal life

[ECrownofFire]

Yes Glyph, you are a weirdo. Don't let that be a bad thing though.

Just do what feels right. There's nothing to define "you" on the internet but what you define it to be. Anybody that would actually be annoyed with you for it is probably an ass anyway.

[ChairmanPoo]

Pleased to meet you, I'm an anteater
(I was reminded of that meme, which I found hilarious)

[Vector]

GryphGlyph, I can't say a lot about it right now because I'm currently suffering from chocolate-induced intestinal failure, but I sympathize with you completely.  And no, don't worry about the respectful-to-women part of portraying a woman (it's not like you're doing it to troll people and get them all horny, and then spring some sort of horrible naked picture or something; or in order to make fun of women for being women, in a sort of parody or caricature)--or hell, if you want, you can be a woman here and I'll refer to you with male pronouns in the rest of the forum, as long as you don't mind the occasional sisterhood crap I sometimes spring Truean and Janet with.  I dun give a damn.

And yes, I'll think of you as a woman when you're posting here, too :I  You can have it both ways.

[GlyphGryph]

Oh heck no, if there's any thread where I don't want to be thought of as a woman it's this one. That is way, way too much pressure! Despite my desires, I can't honestly contribute to most of these real-life focused issues from the "female side", after all, lacking the context of experience myself. And especially now that I've brought it up I'd probably spend the whole time feeling uncomfortably male every time I noticed (instead of the desired comfortably female), anyways.

I was just musing really, and wanting to discuss it - I guess maybe its the same thing that drives men to crossdress but expressed in another form?

It's just, like - I've spent a lot of time feeling like I'm suppressing a big part of myself just because it doesn't conform to what my sex actually is, not really personal behaviour-wise (I've generally been an adherent of the "fuck you I do what I want" school of thought, when the wellbeing of others is not a concern), but identity-wise and perception-wise. It's strange, I guess, and I feel sort of like I don't even really have the language to properly describe the situation.