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[...and then the Kriegsmarine will Surf down the children's slides when the orchestra hits the second movement.] |
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[Masterful! Your rally-planning skills have me all aflutter! Perhaps after we discuss the deployment of the luftballons, we can orchestrate an intimate-] |
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[Hey, who's that idiot tearing up our banners!?!] |
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[Oh no.] |
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Put away the pretty paper, Himmler; we've got work today. |
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[I knew you would need my power to accomplish your quest, but it is with a heavy heart I ask... who do I replace?] |
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Meet the team. You already know Urkel. |
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[Sup.] |
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[A noble warrior indeed.] |
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And of course you've trained with Teddy before. |
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[BRRAHKHKGKKFFFFSHI!] |
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[A reckless brute, but a dependable veteran nevertheless.] |
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So now you just need to get acquainted with the rest of the team: Nemo the Basculin and Toad the Foongus. |
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[I CONSENT TO NONE OF THIS, WORMS!] |
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[Hello there, brother in arms! Now let us inflict great harms!] |
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[What! This is it? What about Marvin, or Gustave, or Simon? Not even that stupid grub you replaced me with?] |
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I know, I know, things look a bit rough right now; Toad doesn't have moves that complement his stats, like you, and Nemo is pretty fragile. Still, with some training I think we can really come together as a team. |
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[THIS ISN'T EVEN A FULL TEAM!] |
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Well, I suppose we could see how well Ackbar holds up in combat... |
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[Hooray!] |
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On second thought, we never did finish backtracking past Nimbasa City. Let's see if we can find any side areas we missed. |
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Oh, Electric/Flying, my favorite of type combinations. Welcome aboard, Minipete. |
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[Oh, there isn't anything MINI about me, ladies] |
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[Foolish. I'm literally two feet taller than you.] |
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[I wasn't talking about my height, baby.] |
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Enough nonsense. You're all far too weak to handle the Victory Road, let alone Pokemon League. There's only one thing to do. |
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[We're gonna need a montage?] |
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We're gonna need a montage. |
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[Montaaaaage!] |
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[MONTAGE?!? THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOME KIND OF BULLSHIT TO ME!] |
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[Show a lot of things happening at once!] |
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[Remind everyone of what's going on!] |
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All of your Pokemon are dead! |
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FUUUUUUUUUU- |
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[And with every shot you show a little improvement!] |
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[To show it all would take too long! ...ladies] |
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Oh hey, an Aerial Ace TM just lying on the ground! It's your lucky day, Himmler! |
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Curses! Because of your victory, our biker gang shall forever be known as... the Black Basculin! |
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[I SAID THIS WOULD BE BULLSHIT AND I WAS RIGHT. FUCK!] |
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[In anything where you want to go from a beginner to a pro-] |
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[FRAFVVF GRARAALKLBS!] |
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Yeah, you need a montage! Even Marvin had a montage! |
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[Montage!] |
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[Always fade out in a montage... If you fade out it seems like more time has passed in a montage...] |
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(montage...) |
So yeah, then I fell back on my most historically successful plan of "grinding 5evar," a tricky feat since the area north of Opelucid City has all those deadly Bouffalant running around, and the areas south have little EXP to offer. Once I get everyone into the lower fifties I call it good enough; that's where the best of the old team was, so it'll have to do.
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Stop! Monk!* |
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Oh come on, don't you know Drayden killed all of my best Pokemon? |
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Drayden and Professor Juniper told me. You're heading for the Pokemon League, right?* |
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No, I just thought I'd take a lazy stroll down Victory Road, see the sights, smell the roses, knock one back with the guards. Of COURSE I'm going to Pokemon League! |
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Since it's Alder... Since it's the Champion, I think it will be all right. Worst-case scenario... you'll be battling Team Plasma's boss, N.* |
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No, the worst case scenario is that I battle Alder, and then N pulls a Gary Oak on me before I get a chance to heal. |
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I need to know if you can handle it!* |
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Cheren, you've been cheating right along to keep rebuilding your same flawed team. A wise man once said that it is not the strongest trainer that survives, but the one most adaptable to change. Meet my new friend, Minipete. |
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The hell kind of name is Minipete? |
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[I didn't think anyone could have a worse name than "Cheren's Unfezant," but it seems I was wrong.] |
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[Just think of me as "selection pressure."] *THUNDERBOLT* |
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*OHKO* |
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Um. This is a problem. |
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[Gee, ya think?] |
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[I can do this alllll day, ladies.]*THUNDERBOLT* |
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*OHKO* |
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Maybe his Attack isn't as good as his Special Attack? |
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[Put me back in the ball Back in the Ball BACK IN THE BALL!] |
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[I'm sorry, but you have been selected against.]*AERIAL ACE* |
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*OHKO* |
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Do I get to see any of your other Pokemon? |
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Nah, you might get a hit in. |
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[Oh, I'll get a hit in, alright.]*Slash* |
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[Yeah. One hit.]*Thunderbolt* *Aerial Ace* |
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Yep, you are something else. And I mean that sincerely.* |
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You know, somehow I don't think that was a compliment. |
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Right now, there's no way I can compete with you, Monk. If there is anything I can do to help in the battle with N, just say so...* |
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Monk... There's not much I can do to help you, but I want you to have these!* |
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Gah! When did you get here? ...and why did you bring Max Revives? You know these are made by the same people who distribute radiation pills, right? |
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Still, it's kind of funny. Everyone's so different.* |
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Funny? At a time like this...* |
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Come on, Cheren. Could you smile just for once? Taking everything so seriously all the time isn't going to change anything.* |
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To be fair, the battle of the century is nigh and he has to start his team from scratch again. |
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You know... since we've met our Pokemon and walked the same roads together, a lot has happened...* |
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Define "together." I think I've fought beside you in one double battle, and that was way back when your Munna got captured for the first time. |
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We've all changed a lot! We found out that the things we want to do and the things we can do are different fo each of us, right? That's what's made our journey so worth it. Somehow, all this just makes me happy.* |
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...So that's what you mean. ...You are right that we're all different and we should do the things that we can do. There are as many truths and ideals as there are people and Pokemon. The most important thing is that we help one another out.* |
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By challenging each other to death matches right before the final battle? |
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That's why people and Pokemon are always by each other's side. That's what I've come to think lately... Monk! If anything happens to you or Alder, I will do everything I can to help you. That's why I have to keep training and getting stronger. Just... don't be reckless, OK?* |
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I can't promise to be safe, but I can promise to be dangerous. |
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He's gone. Monk! Me, too! I'll do my best to help if I can! So... Umm... I wish I could say something, like, totally inspiring, you know? Umm... OK... Best foot forward!* |
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Sadly enough, that might be the most inspiring thing you've ever said, Bianca. Well, on to Victory Road! |
As you can see from the diagram, Unova's Victory Road is some kind of odd Inca-esque step pyramid cliff path thingy. What you might not be able to see is that it compares favorably with the Victory Roads of previous generations. Back in the day, Victory Road was a long cave full of bats and rocks and boring, tedious things like that, interspersed with strong Trainers on their way to Pokemon League (evidently there are enough such trainers streaming to the Elite Four that you can reasonably expect to fight a dozen of them on your way through, which explains why the Champion requires you to beat the Elite Four before he has to bother facing you.) Unovan Victory Road has a similar trainer density, and it does have some cave bits, but it also has an outdoors area featuring Fire/Ground Pokemon, Dragons, Fighting types and more, providing a welcome spread of type diversity for the last major grinding area in the game.
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Alright, last chance at a Pokemon before the final battle. Let's see if I can get- |
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*Wild Boldore Appeared!* |
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Oh. Well, nevermind then. |
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Before going to the Pokemon League, let me test my skills!* |
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Ugh. More Ace Trainers. Can I fight anyone else instead? |
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Wait! Young trainer over there! Look at my Pokemon!* |
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Thank you! |
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[Thanks indeed!] |
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As a Pokemon grows, its connection to its Trainer will improve, and their bond becomes stronger!* |
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You might be thinking of Pokemon Conquest, but that's alright. |
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Whenever I am lost, I meet a Trainer! Of course, we're gonna fight!* |
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[Not a long fight, I'm afraid.] |
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When people move ahead, they get lost, or they stop... At those moments, Pokemon give you courage to keep moving forward!* |
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Sometimes people move ahead and actually get where they're going to. |
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I am a Doctor! If you have Pokemon in bad shape... Let me see your Pokemon in battle!* |
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Wow, and here I thought I was the biggest ass in this cave. |
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[I'd tap that.] |
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Whether your Pokemon are healthy or not, I'll restore them to full health! I aim to be the best Doctor in the world! But first, I intend to become the best Trainer in the world!* |
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Stick to your day job, buddy. I need to explore every nook and cranny of this cave. |
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*Wild Terrakion Appeared!* |
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OH BALLS. It's this Road's Moltres. ...I bet it's worth a TON of EXP! |
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[Ooh, dibs!] |
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*SACRED SWORD* |
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[AUGH MY SPINE] |
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SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT GET OUT OF THERE URKEL I NEED YOU! Teddy, get in there and PRAY he has no dark type moves! |
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[gra?] |
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*Rock Slide* |
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[RAGGABRRA!] *Shadow Ball Spam* |
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*KO* |
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Phew. Too close. Still, killing Cobalion and Terrakion is good practice if I have to kill N's Legendary at the end of this. |
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The people who pass by here have such different moods! It's fun to watch, and even more fun to fight against them!* |
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Well I hope you forgive me for this curbstomping, because I'm kind of pissed off. |
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[That which does not kill me makes me stronger!] |
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Winning is good, but winning is not everything... Don't lose sight of what's important!* |
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Well that's dumb. I can't protect what's important if I lose. Terrakion just demonstrated that we aren't strong enough to hang with the big dogs... yet. |
|
[Are you pondering what I'm pondering?] |
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It's time to grind! Again! For the last time! |
Suggestions, Comments, Criticism welcome as always.
Nuvema Town- "Marvin", Oshawott, 5-45
Route 1- XXX
Accumula Town- ??
Route 2- "Pompey", Lillipup 6-12
Striaton City- ??
Dreamyard- "Mojo Jojo", Pansear 10-12
Route 3- "Timon", Patrat 8-15
Wellspring Cave- "Cletus", Woobat 11-14
Nacrene City- ??
Pinwheel Forest- "Heinrich", Pidove 12-30
Castelia City- ??
Route 4- "Urkel", Scraggy
Desert Resort- "Gustave", Sandile, 19-44
Nimbasa City- ??
Route 5- "Miho", Gothita 19-25
Route 16- "Oscar", Trubbish 19-27
Relic Castle- "Teddy", Yamask
Lostlorn Forest- "Himmler", Tranquill
Driftveil Drawbridge- "Dewey", Ducklett
Driftveil City- XXX
Cold Storage- "Pompey II", Herdier
Route 6- "Bambina", Deerling, 22-22
Mistralton Cave- "Trade Bait", Boldore, traded for Minipete the Emolga
Chargestone Cave- XXX
Mistralton City- ??
Route 7- "Charlie", Watchog
Celestial Tower- "Lumiere", Litwick, 26-42
Twist Mountain- "Simon", Cubchoo, 28-47
Route 17- "Ishmael", Frillish
Route 18- "Mothra", Larvesta, 1-43
Route 8- XXX
Icirrus Moor- XXX
Dragonspiral Tower- "Nemo", Basculin
Tubeline Bridge- ??
Route 9- "Jerry", Minccino
Opelucid City- ??
Route 10- "Toad", Foongus
Victory Road- Boldore