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[tahujdt]

Posting to watch; a very enjoyable read.

bump

[ivanthe8th]

The best worst thing about this LP is that we know monk will return with an update any day now.

Bumping since he's already conditioned us to expect long delays!

[MagmaMcFry]

Wow, this has been going on for almost two years now. Think you'll be able to finish this before X/Y happens?

[O11O1]

Probably not, but it's not like we really -need- him too. I mean, what could happen in XY, spoilers?

[MagmaMcFry]

Probably not, but it's not like we really -need- him too. I mean, what could happen in XY, spoilers?

No, but then he's too busy starting his X/Y Nuzlocke.

[flabort]

  Why did I sit through and read this whole thing?

...Well, at least I'm a step closer to being ready to run my own LP. Monk, if you're still there, I assume you had a tool to text the gravestone for you... paint, photoshop/GIMP, or some online tool?

Of course, getting my LP ready involves getting my brother to agree to it. What, you ask, would require a second player?

Spoiler: Possibly a wall of text (click to show/hide)

Simultaneous nuzlocke, of course. My moddifications to the base rules should be fairly simple.
1) Normal 1-pokemon-per-route rules apply. A capture area is any place with a unique name - surfing or fishing encounters in the same area don't count as different places.
2) Normal it-faints-its-boxed-forever rules apply. A designated box (or two) helps to determine which ones are dead or not.
3) Once per gym, when we both have the same badge, we make a trade. One, single trade, per badge. Only Pokemon in our team may be traded (ensuring dead pokemon can't be traded). In addition, we are allowed to make an extra trade if we both have eggs, that may only be an exchange of eggs. If there are more than the two of us, then each pair of players trades - with 3 players, that's 3 trades made, with 4 players it's 6 trades, etc.
4) If there's a rather early daycare (such as in B/W, very much unlike B2/W2), then we are allowed to produce as many eggs as we like - but may not hatch eggs not received from another player.
5) Player interactions happen as soon as both players have achieved a badge - if one player gets ahead, that's ok. However, a player may not challenge a gym until they both have the same # of badges. Or, if there is more than two players (by some fluke of the internets), then until another player has beat the previous gym (so players might have 4,3, and 1 badges if the first player challenges the fourth gym as soon as the second gets his third); If this clause is activated, then players behind the lead pair can fall as far behind as possible.
6) After every trade is made, most of our pokemon are temporarily boxed. We then battle using this smaller - the loser's pokemon die, as per nuzlocke rules. We can choose to risk a full team, or only risk a single pokemon, but the victor gets to pick a previously visited route to get a new chance at capturing a pokemon. Should there be more than two players, then whoever beats the gym first battles first, and then other players who catch up to them battle the previous victor until all players have battled. This means that your artificial rivals will... probably beat you if you were falling far behind, making it a race to each gym.
7) If one of us whites out, then they may no longer proceed. A single player left standing continues on without any more trades or player battles. In addition, any trainer to beat the champion is no longer restricted by nuzlocke rules. Any remaining trade or battle rules remain, though.
every pokemon caught must receive a nickname.

This means, baring us finding extra players: Up to 8 trades each, up to 8 eggs hatched each, and up to 8 extra captures total; but guaranteed one of us is losing some pokemans.
And if we get more players, most of those numbers all rise, including pokemons lost by battle, eggs hatched, and trades made. But the number of extra captures remains the same.

Concerns:
This requires one of two sets of things:
A) Pokemon games we are willing to restart or start from scratch to play together, and systems to play them on; as we have both beat B/W and B2/W2 (I black/black2 and he white/white2), we have the carts, but don't want to reset.
B) Roms and Emulators that can connect either online or over a network to mimic connections. As I'm pretty sure we have the right emulators, and roms aren't a problem for us (I am not advocating illegal pirating, but there are legal ways to obtain roms) the only problem remaining is figuring out how to connect. This will allow the advantage of screencaps, too. However, it will limit us to gen III or earlier, given that DS emulators don't support that yet, that I know of.

In addition, if we go the ROM image route, we may use the Universal Randomizer to make this a Ranlocke. Probably not, though.

Hmm, speaking of hardware constraints. I used to wonder (back before handheld consoles had wireless) why pokemon cartridges weren't built with their own jacks that allowed wires that would have come with the games to connect them, instead of using clunky big boxes with too many wires to trade or battle.  This is all moot now, though.

[Gamerlord]

Why did I sit through and read this whole thing?

...Well, at least I'm a step closer to being ready to run my own LP. Monk, if you're still there, I assume you had a tool to text the gravestone for you... paint, photoshop/GIMP, or some online tool?

Of course, getting my LP ready involves getting my brother to agree to it. What, you ask, would require a second player?

Spoiler: Possibly a wall of text (click to show/hide)

Simultaneous nuzlocke, of course. My moddifications to the base rules should be fairly simple.
1) Normal 1-pokemon-per-route rules apply. A capture area is any place with a unique name - surfing or fishing encounters in the same area don't count as different places.
2) Normal it-faints-its-boxed-forever rules apply. A designated box (or two) helps to determine which ones are dead or not.
3) Once per gym, when we both have the same badge, we make a trade. One, single trade, per badge. Only Pokemon in our team may be traded (ensuring dead pokemon can't be traded). In addition, we are allowed to make an extra trade if we both have eggs, that may only be an exchange of eggs. If there are more than the two of us, then each pair of players trades - with 3 players, that's 3 trades made, with 4 players it's 6 trades, etc.
4) If there's a rather early daycare (such as in B/W, very much unlike B2/W2), then we are allowed to produce as many eggs as we like - but may not hatch eggs not received from another player.
5) Player interactions happen as soon as both players have achieved a badge - if one player gets ahead, that's ok. However, a player may not challenge a gym until they both have the same # of badges. Or, if there is more than two players (by some fluke of the internets), then until another player has beat the previous gym (so players might have 4,3, and 1 badges if the first player challenges the fourth gym as soon as the second gets his third); If this clause is activated, then players behind the lead pair can fall as far behind as possible.
6) After every trade is made, most of our pokemon are temporarily boxed. We then battle using this smaller - the loser's pokemon die, as per nuzlocke rules. We can choose to risk a full team, or only risk a single pokemon, but the victor gets to pick a previously visited route to get a new chance at capturing a pokemon. Should there be more than two players, then whoever beats the gym first battles first, and then other players who catch up to them battle the previous victor until all players have battled. This means that your artificial rivals will... probably beat you if you were falling far behind, making it a race to each gym.
7) If one of us whites out, then they may no longer proceed. A single player left standing continues on without any more trades or player battles. In addition, any trainer to beat the champion is no longer restricted by nuzlocke rules. Any remaining trade or battle rules remain, though.
every pokemon caught must receive a nickname.

This means, baring us finding extra players: Up to 8 trades each, up to 8 eggs hatched each, and up to 8 extra captures total; but guaranteed one of us is losing some pokemans.
And if we get more players, most of those numbers all rise, including pokemons lost by battle, eggs hatched, and trades made. But the number of extra captures remains the same.

Concerns:
This requires one of two sets of things:
A) Pokemon games we are willing to restart or start from scratch to play together, and systems to play them on; as we have both beat B/W and B2/W2 (I black/black2 and he white/white2), we have the carts, but don't want to reset.
B) Roms and Emulators that can connect either online or over a network to mimic connections. As I'm pretty sure we have the right emulators, and roms aren't a problem for us (I am not advocating illegal pirating, but there are legal ways to obtain roms) the only problem remaining is figuring out how to connect. This will allow the advantage of screencaps, too. However, it will limit us to gen III or earlier, given that DS emulators don't support that yet, that I know of.

In addition, if we go the ROM image route, we may use the Universal Randomizer to make this a Ranlocke. Probably not, though.

Hmm, speaking of hardware constraints. I used to wonder (back before handheld consoles had wireless) why pokemon cartridges weren't built with their own jacks that allowed wires that would have come with the games to connect them, instead of using clunky big boxes with too many wires to trade or battle.  This is all moot now, though.

Interesting.

[Vrky]

Anyway, what DS emulator are you people using?
I tried DeSMuMe, but pokemon white runs rather slowly.
Is there any better/faster emulator?

[MagmaMcFry]

So, Monk12, is this thing still happening, or did you plan to drop it and hope nobody notices? If you don't want to do this anymore, you could at least tell us.

[tahujdt]

So, Monk12, is this thing still happening, or did you plan to drop it and hope nobody notices? If you don't want to do this anymore, you could at least tell us.

Seconded.

[monk12]

Yay! *reads the part about haven't payed yet*

Does this mean we'll have to wait another 3 months? 

Nope! It'll be MORE than three months!

So, Monk12, is this thing still happening, or did you plan to drop it and hope nobody notices? If you don't want to do this anymore, you could at least tell us.

Seconded.

I'm still alive, and this is still a thing that is happening, it's just not a thing that is happening right now. Summer is just around the corner, though, so hopefully this will be a thing that happens in the not-too-distant future (personal goal is a month, but past history suggests I'll miss that goal by an embarrassing margin.)

Wow, this has been going on for almost two years now. Think you'll be able to finish this before X/Y happens?

Nope, but I"m optimistic about finishing before the generation after that!

Why did I sit through and read this whole thing?

...Well, at least I'm a step closer to being ready to run my own LP. Monk, if you're still there, I assume you had a tool to text the gravestone for you... paint, photoshop/GIMP, or some online tool?

Of course, getting my LP ready involves getting my brother to agree to it. What, you ask, would require a second player?

Spoiler: Possibly a wall of text (click to show/hide)

Simultaneous nuzlocke, of course. My moddifications to the base rules should be fairly simple.
1) Normal 1-pokemon-per-route rules apply. A capture area is any place with a unique name - surfing or fishing encounters in the same area don't count as different places.
2) Normal it-faints-its-boxed-forever rules apply. A designated box (or two) helps to determine which ones are dead or not.
3) Once per gym, when we both have the same badge, we make a trade. One, single trade, per badge. Only Pokemon in our team may be traded (ensuring dead pokemon can't be traded). In addition, we are allowed to make an extra trade if we both have eggs, that may only be an exchange of eggs. If there are more than the two of us, then each pair of players trades - with 3 players, that's 3 trades made, with 4 players it's 6 trades, etc.
4) If there's a rather early daycare (such as in B/W, very much unlike B2/W2), then we are allowed to produce as many eggs as we like - but may not hatch eggs not received from another player.
5) Player interactions happen as soon as both players have achieved a badge - if one player gets ahead, that's ok. However, a player may not challenge a gym until they both have the same # of badges. Or, if there is more than two players (by some fluke of the internets), then until another player has beat the previous gym (so players might have 4,3, and 1 badges if the first player challenges the fourth gym as soon as the second gets his third); If this clause is activated, then players behind the lead pair can fall as far behind as possible.
6) After every trade is made, most of our pokemon are temporarily boxed. We then battle using this smaller - the loser's pokemon die, as per nuzlocke rules. We can choose to risk a full team, or only risk a single pokemon, but the victor gets to pick a previously visited route to get a new chance at capturing a pokemon. Should there be more than two players, then whoever beats the gym first battles first, and then other players who catch up to them battle the previous victor until all players have battled. This means that your artificial rivals will... probably beat you if you were falling far behind, making it a race to each gym.
7) If one of us whites out, then they may no longer proceed. A single player left standing continues on without any more trades or player battles. In addition, any trainer to beat the champion is no longer restricted by nuzlocke rules. Any remaining trade or battle rules remain, though.
every pokemon caught must receive a nickname.

This means, baring us finding extra players: Up to 8 trades each, up to 8 eggs hatched each, and up to 8 extra captures total; but guaranteed one of us is losing some pokemans.
And if we get more players, most of those numbers all rise, including pokemons lost by battle, eggs hatched, and trades made. But the number of extra captures remains the same.

Concerns:
This requires one of two sets of things:
A) Pokemon games we are willing to restart or start from scratch to play together, and systems to play them on; as we have both beat B/W and B2/W2 (I black/black2 and he white/white2), we have the carts, but don't want to reset.
B) Roms and Emulators that can connect either online or over a network to mimic connections. As I'm pretty sure we have the right emulators, and roms aren't a problem for us (I am not advocating illegal pirating, but there are legal ways to obtain roms) the only problem remaining is figuring out how to connect. This will allow the advantage of screencaps, too. However, it will limit us to gen III or earlier, given that DS emulators don't support that yet, that I know of.

In addition, if we go the ROM image route, we may use the Universal Randomizer to make this a Ranlocke. Probably not, though.

Hmm, speaking of hardware constraints. I used to wonder (back before handheld consoles had wireless) why pokemon cartridges weren't built with their own jacks that allowed wires that would have come with the games to connect them, instead of using clunky big boxes with too many wires to trade or battle.  This is all moot now, though.

Forgive the lateness of my reply. I've been using Paint.net for all my gravestone and Pokemon hat/eyepatch needs, and it's working alright. And in my personal experience Ranlockes are always entertaining, if easier (assuming you don't face a mon with fixed-damage moves far too early- I had a random Red run cut short by Brock's Gyrados, and the next run saw Gary with a Magneton at Nugget Bridge...)

Anyway, what DS emulator are you people using?
I tried DeSMuMe, but pokemon white runs rather slowly.
Is there any better/faster emulator?

I do not know of any great DS emulators. Hence, this run is on my physical DS, which is why it isn't accompanied by actual screenshots.

[Flying Dice]

PTW, now that I've finally caught up with this. It's been excellent thusfar.

[monk12]

PART XXVIII: Sequence Break

Just after I step outside Mistralton Gym, I am immediately confronted by N. GO AWAY N, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR INEVITABLE WALL OF TEXT! WE JUST TALKED IN THE LAST CAVE!

Oh no, not the face

  If you think I'm easy pickings just because I fought a Gym leader five minutes ago, then you're in for a surprise. Heck, I didn't even USE half of my mons!
  They may say it is for understanding one another better, but what Trainers really use battles for is to compete... and they hurt each others Pokemon! Am I the only one who finds this terribly painful?*
  Are you actually asking my opinion? Because you usually just monologue for a while, and then sometimes we fight.
  Whatever... I'm going to talk to your Pokemon.*
  I'm sorry, what?
  I've been living with Pokemon since I was born, so it's easier for me to talk with them than with people.*
  Wait, you were literally raised by wolves? Or, like, Lillipups or something?
  Hey, Litwick. Would you tell me what kind of Trainer Monk is?*
  You had to talk to the funny foreigner, didn't you.
  [Oui, monsieur! Monk est à partir Nuvema ville, il vit toujours avec sa mère parce qu'il est un garçon faible, et il est de documenter mon sex-appeal avec cet étrange livre électronique qu'il porte.]
  Okay, okay, got it. So Monk was born in Nuvema Town, lives with Mom, and was given the Pokedex to start off a journey to see the world.*
  I... how did you do that!?! Litwick hasn't even been in my party that long!
  Still, this Litwick trusts you for some reason. That's good! If every person and Pokemon cared about one another like you two do, I could watch over the future of people and Pokemon without having to liberate Pokemon from people who just use them. Ghetsis is using Team Plasma to search for some special stones- the Light Stone and the Dark Stone...*
  Oooh, Macguffins! That must be what they're doing in Twist Mountain.
  These stones hold the essence of two legendary Pokemon. It is said that when they lost their physical form, they fell into a slumber and were transformed. Now, they wait for the hero's arrival... I shall resurrect a legendary Dragon-type Pokemon from one of these stones, and become its friend. That will show the world that I am the new hero. Everyone will follow what I say!
  Even if your crazy plan works- which it probably will, given the world we live in- people will only be doing what you say because you have a sweet Dragon type Pokemon. You can't build a strategy around one Pokemon, or you'll get knocked off by the first challenger with an Ice type!
  My vision is to change the world without using force. Trying to change the world by force will just make others resist.*
  Well let's not get ahead of ourselves, there's nothing wrong with a little violence! I just think your strategy is inefficient.
  If people resist, the ones that will be hurt are the innocent Pokemon used by foolish Trainers. You understand. Pokemon are not just tools for people to use! As a result... Pokemon and Trainers who care about one another, like you and your Pokemon, will be separated. And that does break my heart a little.*
  Wow, and people call ME an ass! Hey, wait, get back here! I'm not done belittling you!

As usual, having said his piece N bolts offscreen, and no amount of sprinting can catch up with him.

It's hard to arrest him when he cheats

Having done everything I can in this part of the world, I head off for the next area: Twist Mountain. Unfortunately, I'm not the only one going that way.

  Monk! Since we both hold the Jet Badge now, let's see which of us is stronger!*
  Oh come on, that's all you ever say, and you always end up losing! Give it a rest already!
  This time will be different. The Gym Leaders just get easier and easier, and I haven't even lost a Pokemon in ages!
  Blah Blah Blah, all MY Pokemon are ALIVE! I'm CHEREN, this is what I sound like! Get out there, Urkel.
  [I'm still alive!]
  [Not for long!]
  Ha, baited you into throwing first!
  Ew, Fighting vs Flying. That's no good. Get in there, Marvin!
  [Taste my blade, worthy adversary!] *Revenge* *Aqua Jet*
  How do you already have your starter in its third evolution!?!
  Plenty of grinding. I take it you haven't evolved your snake thing again?
  [I have type advantage! The bigger they are, the harder they fall!]
  [Let me show you how an Unfezant is supposed to fight.] *Air Cutter* *Air Cutter* Crit!
  Argh! Get out there, Simipour!
  [Heeey guys!]
  Wow, that monkey got really... baked. And a little gay. Marvin?
  [Who's spamming Scald now?] *Scald* *Scald* *Scald* *Scald* *Scald*
  Can you be strong even if you lose? Is winning everything?*
  [Thanks for the vote of confidence, chief.]
  You might be stronger than most trainers in Unova, but you aren't stronger than me.
  [Full Circle!] *Hi Jump Kick* *OHKO*
  Game, set match. Come on, Cheren, you can do better than this. None of my guys even came close to dying! This is serious business.
  Pokemon Battles are fun. But what is it to be truly strong?*
  That was a fine Pokemon battle!*
  Alder! You and your secret camera crews have been spying on us from Twist Mountain?
   I'm happy to see you're both growing as Trainers!*
  ...Dude! Did you just jump off a cliff?

It sure as hell wasn't a ledge, that's for sure!

  If it isn't the Champion, Alder. I'm weak, so I lost! ...And, honestly, it bothers me when you call it a fine battle despite that.*
   Oh, honestly, Cheren. Just accept the compliment without the stinging remark. I've asked you this before, but what do you plan to do after becoming strong?*
  Don't talk to him Cheren, he'll just twist your words against you!
  Shut up Monk, you dickwaffle. No camera crews today. I just want to chat with Cheren.
  If I get strong and become a Champion, that will be the reason for my existence. I want to prove that I'm really living.*
  ...I'm sorry, what? That's some heavy stuff there, Cheren.
  Hmmm... you remind me of Marshal. Of course, having something you want to become is important. But what is even more important is what you do with your newfound power. Anyway, take this! Here- you too.*
  HECK YEAH SURF HM! ALL IS FORGIVEN!
  Really?
  No, you're a jerk. This is probably some elaborate plan to get me and all my Pokemon killed. I'm not sure how giving me a powerful Water-type move will accomplish this, but I have faith in your jerkiness.
  If you use the move Surf, you can travel over water. I shall see you again, young Trainers. Don't forget about the needs of the Pokemon at your side!*
  What do you think he meant by that?
  Don't listen to him, Cheren, he's just playing mind games. Don't let him get in your head.
  What I do with my power... I don't know that answer yet. First, I want to become a strong Trainer so everyone will acknowledge that power!*
  See, that's what I'm talking about! You're going to help the peasantry or something quaint like that, remember? Don't focus so much on being stronger than Alder!
  Monk... next time, I will win!*
  It doesn't matter how much you focus, you're not going to accomplish that. Wait up, don't go into Twist Mountain without me!

It's really not the sort of place you should just blunder into.

  What a surprise. Seein' ya here while I was inspectin' Twist Mountain.*
  Clay!
  Th' two of ya seem a bit more rugged than the last time I saw ya. A lil' bit, anyway...*
  Is that so.*
  By th' by... You folks seen that Team Plasma crowd lately? After all the trouble, we Gym Leaders met up and had a chat.*
  Skyla mentioned they were coming this way... a chat?
  Well, as t' that... ya'll got me thinkin' that maybe we should be a bit more proactive about th' whole Team Plasma situation. I talked t' Burgh, and Lenora, and Elesa, and then we talked to Alder, and we decided t' come down hard on those mangy coyotes. Lay down th' law, y'could say.
  Gym leaders actually doing something about the pervasive terrorist organization! Mew be praised! ...wait, did you mention Elesa?
  But we've got no clue where they are. It's like they're hidin' under a rock. Well, not much to do but wait for 'em to move.*
  I've already told you, Clay, Elesa is a Team Plasma sympathizer! She's probably been feeding them your movements this whole time! That's why you can't find them!
  Anyhow, this's none o' yer concern. Squirts like the two of ya should just enjoy travelin' with yer Pokemon.*
  You sound as though we haven't done more to fight Team Plasma than any three Gym Leaders put together.
  Yeah, I'll bet you anything that I end up fighting those plasdorks before I see the other side of Twist Mountain.
  Twist Mountain's a fine place to explore! You'll have some fun if you just leave this here path... Weeell... Better ya just see it yerself, 'nstead o' listenin' to me yammer.*
  That didn't sound ominous at all.
  Be seein' ya, sprouts! Feel free to train yerselves on my mountain fer as long's ya like.*
  His mountain?
  I thought he was going to get us involved in all that bother again, so I was bracing myself before I knew it. I'm going in first, but I'll be seeing you.*
  Yeaaaaah, that's okay. I'm gonna give them a chance to prove they're somewhat competent at their jobs. Besides, I just got a new HM, so I'm gonna go explore all the little side areas I couldn't before now. I'll just get my new Pokemon and-
  *Wild Cubchoo Appeared!*
  ...ewwwww. Mucousy.

It's worse than a slobbery pitbull

  Alright Simon, as much as I like Ice Types, your moves are just terrible. Plus you're gross. Get in the box!
  [Why don't people like me?]

True to my word, I ignore the obvious path of plot advancement in favor of hitting up the highways and byways I couldn't before. And there's no better place to start than the very beginning of the game!

  Why hello Monk, how have you been lately?*
  Oh, hey Juniper. You know, the usual- winning badges, smashing Plasma, catching crappy mons.
  How is your Pokedex coming along? Can I see it? Oh, you've seen 87 Pokemon in the Unova region! Trainers have a lot of different Pokemon. So battling them is a great way to fill up your Pokedex, too!*
  Unless they're a Gym Leader, in which case they use the same crap everyone else uses.
  It seems like you are meeting Pokemon at a good clip!*
  Are you kidding? I've been kicking around for two years now!
  Here! This is a gift to thank you for all your hard work! False Swipe is a move that is very helpful for catching Pokemon, because it keeps the target from fainting! Try using this, too! Protect is a move that completely prevents an attack from hitting! Well, there are a few exceptions.*
  So my reward for filling out my Pokedex is a technique whose primary virtue is that it doesn't make your opponent faint, and a move that, instead of damaging the opponent, protects me. Against most moves. If it doesn't fail. Like it will if you use it multiple times in a row.
  Well, yes!
  Skyla gave me a better TM, and I can't even use it! I'm gonna go see what's hanging out on the other side of that pond on Route 1.

As it turns out, there's quite a lot on the other side of that pond!

Route 17 is a big water Route chock full of wild Pokemon, fat fishermen, and scantily clad swimmers. On the one hand, it's an opportunity to train up and get a new Pokemon. On the other hand...

  *Wild Frillish Appeared!*
  Awww dammit, another one of these things. Get in the box, Ishmael!
  [But I'm not a wha-]
  THE BOX, I SAY!

Navigating Route 17 involves a great deal of dodging sandbars (which are mildly inconvenient) and bizarrely swirling currents which can sweep you back to the start, which are... also mildly inconvenient.

Navigation is a somewhat involved process

Once you get through all that, though, you arrive on a large island. Well, less an island, and more a mountain jutting out of the sea. Which also happens to be swarming with wild Pokemon and trainers, once you climb half a mile into the air.

  Trainer! The love for your Pokemon... I can see it in your eyes!*
  What is with you random trainers and immediately deducing my relationship with my Pokemon? You can't even see them, they're still in their Pokeballs!
  I have decided! I will entrust the Egg I found in the Relic Castle to you! Would you like to receive this Pokemon Egg and raise it?*
  Aw dammit. I'd love to, but I already caught a stupid Frillish on Route 17.
  Route 17 is just the water part. This island is Route 18!
  It is? ...IT IS! HANG ON A SEC I NEED TO GO DITCH A PARTY MEMBER!

***BATMAN NOISES***

  Okay! You are all valuable party members, but one of you is not pulling their weight.
  [You pulled me out of my Pokeball for this? We all know I'm the strongest warrior here.]
  [Ha! You make Gustave laugh. Dark and Ground are the best offense this team has.]
  [You aren't the only Dark type here, buster!]
  [Who is our greatest threat? Cheren. Who is his prize Pokemon? Servine. My aerial assault is what keeps him in check!]
  [Désolé, mademoiselle, mais mes flammes sont plus terrifiant de l'herbe!]
  [RAAAGLALLBRA!]
  Heinrich!
  [What!]
  Your status as Route 1 vendor trash is becoming clear, even if I did meet you much later than that. Your stats favor Physical attacks, but your learnset is all Special techniques. You had an early stat advantage from your evolution, but other mons are surpassing you now, and I'm no longer dependent on you to fight Grass types with Lumiere in the party.
  [This is an outrage! You cannot discard me so offhandedly!]
  That said, you are still my only hard counter to Fighting types, since I can't keep a Psychic alive to save my soul. Plus, I'm too lazy to walk everywhere, and you know Fly. Gustave!
  [You have got to be kidding me.]
  You are lazy, tempermental, and useless-BAhahaa, oh man. I almost got through that with a straight face. Yeah, you're awesome Gustave, keep it up.
  [Thought so. Can we be done with this charade?]
  Teddy!
  [...gra?]
  You have a high Defense... and that's about it. Your only real trick is Curse, and if we keep relying on that some chump with a surprise Dark type move is going to drop you before I can get you out. You can't deal damage, and as far as I'm concerned, the best defense is a good offense. You aren't even my only Ghost anymore. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
  [RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGFFFTRAA!]
  [Well that was pointless.]
  BACK TO THE GUY WITH THE FREE EGG!

***BATMAN NOISES***

  I thought this thing was going to hatch before you got back!
  Blah blah just give me the egg already.
  I'm counting on you. Pokemon Eggs hatch when you carry them with you. Being around healthy Pokemon helps them grow!*
  Aw yeah, this is gonna be great. I bet it's pretty rare, or I wouldn't have to go to some Mewforsaken island in the middle of nowhere to get it! Oooh, maybe it's an electric type, or steel or dark or something. Probably too much to hope for a dragon... I wonder what I passed up on this route to take the egg?
  *Wild Audino Appeared!*
  ...NO REGRETS.

The Audino was pretty unlikely, actually- they only show up in rustling grass, and it must have started rustling right before I stepped on the tile. In the course of clearing the area, though, I find there really isn't much more exciting here. More Scraggys and Watchogs than you can shake a stick at, with the odd Sawk and Dwebble to mix things up. Dwebble would be that Bug/Rock type that Burgh used, and he's the only one I'd actually be happy to get in my party, but done is done.

In any event, the giant rocky island of Route 18 has a bunch of random items on it, as well as a bunch of random trainers, coupled with even more wild Pokemon battles because I'm too cheap to spray a Max Repel while searching for loot. The battles are rather interesting in the tactical sense, as the trainers here use Pokemon near my own level, but at the end of the day it's all straightforward elemental Rock Paper Scissors without any major incident.

Apart from Urkel, anyway.

  Finish him, Urkel!
  [Nyah!] *Brick Break*
  *KO*
  Nice job, Urkel.
  *Urkel is evolving!*
  *Urkel evolved into Scrafty!*
  ...did you just evolve a hoodie and a mohawk?
  [Aw yiss, you know all de ladies be lovin' all dis!]

I hope the acid thing is a euphemism

Anyway, the only fancy thing about Route 18 is that, once you run the gauntlet of trainers, you end up on a beach that lets you access a new portion of Route 17. A much improved portion, since instead of sandbars, you get jump ramps!

Whee!

Not only do you get to (pretend to) perform sicknasty aquatic stunts while riding a war otter and fighting swimmers, but after you run the gauntlet you get to visit an entirely new island in the archipelago! Attentive readers (and readers who've played the game) will at this point remember that, way back in the second update, I flipped through the Town Map and noticed that one of the locations right near the starting town was labeled "P2 Team Plasma Secret Laboratory." Well, not only does Route 18 connect to that "secret" laboratory, but there isn't actually anything else keeping me from going inside.

And guess what. It's abandoned.

I think I've done this song and dance before

So, back in the bad old days of Gen I, there was a building called the Burned Mansion. You needed to get through it in order to unlock the Gym, though the game didn't actually tell you this, as was the style at the time. It wasn't hard to figure out, since it was one of two areas of interest on Cinnabar Island. What WAS hard to figure out (for twelve-year-old Monk, anyway) was the stupid statue puzzle you needed to solve while fighting strong Koffings and Growlithes and intermittent Burglars and Scientists.

Scientists, you say? Well, yeah; see, between the Scientist dialogue and the Apocalyptic Log you find in different burned-out rooms, you learn that the Mansion was once a secret research facility for criminal superorganization Team Rocket. Putting clues found in the sprawling Mansion together with research notes found when you kick Rocket out of Silph Co, and you can deduce that the Mansion was the laboratory where Team Rocket created Mewtwo, an obscenely strong Pokemon who proceeded to wreck their shit and hide out in a cave north of Cerulean City until it was time to make a movie.

Team Plasma's version is somewhat less imposing. For one thing, it's only one room instead of a giant subterranean complex of ultrasecure chambers with fancy locks. For another, it isn't so much destroyed as it is messy.

Dammit N, pick your shit up!

  On the one hand, I probably shouldn't be here yet. On the other hand, free stuff! What have we here?
  "My lord N apparently rejected my research... But my research is necessary for Team Plasma to reach its goal... The strongest Pokemon..."
  ...for the love of Mew, this is going to be the first movie all over again!

Not that this is strictly a bad thing

  Most of this stuff is garbage... ooh, what's this?
  *Dubious Disk acquired!*
  The hell? Well, it's not a Key Item, so I probably didn't break the plot... whatever, I'm out of here.

Having cleared out the two extra routes, I work my way back over routes already traveled. For the most part, hopping across each little pond and river yields a shiny item, and maybe a trainer. Nothing too fancy, but worth picking up. Surfing across the lake in Wellspring Cave led to a down stair, but it turns out the basement is dark as balls- I'll come back when I've got a Pokemon who needs training and can learn Flash to light it up.

In my quest to explore all the nooks and crannies, however, I end up back at the Ferris Wheel in Nimbasa City.

  Oh! Hey, there!*
  Um... hi?
  If it's okay with you, won't you... spend some time with me?*
  I'm sorry?
  Um, I want you to battle me! Alright?*
  Oh! Yeah, sure, battling's my deal.
  [I hate it when she meets boys at the park.]
  [Level 25? Cute.] *Aqua Jet*
  *OHKO*
  Wow! Your Pokemon are sooo strong!*
  Well, yeah, I'm doing the whole Pokemon League thing. Would be kinda stupid to go into that with weak Pokemon, right?
  Want to ride the Ferris Wheel with me?*
  Sure, I guess. It only goes around once, I can spare that much time. Let's go.
  Ugh... It's swaying... Isn't it?*
  Ferris Wheels do that, yeah.
  I'm scared of how high I am... Ah... no... this is my limit... sit a little closer, hm?*
  ...today is a good day!


***APPROXIMATELY THIRTY SECONDS LATER***


  Woo, that was fun! I've been wanting to ride this Ferris Wheel for a long time.*
  Is that what you kids are calling it these days?
  But you have to have two people, and I worried that if I went with my friend, she'd see how scared I was. Embarrassing!
  Embarrassing, and sexy. Sexrassing.
  Then you came along! How lucky is that?*
  Well, I don't usually go for 100% completion, but sometimes I make an exception.
  OK, I'm still scared of heights, but... With you, it was a little bit easier. Um... Want to ride it again?*
  That joke's too easy, even for me. Enough monkey business, time to go advance the plot!


NEXT TIME: Twist Mountain
Suggestions, Comments, Criticism welcome as always.

Spoiler: Routes Visited (click to show/hide)

Nuvema Town- "Marvin", Oshawott
Route 1- XXX
Accumula Town- ??
Route 2- "Pompey", Lillipup 6-12
Striaton City- ??
Dreamyard- "Mojo Jojo", Pansear 10-12
Route 3- "Timon", Patrat  8-15
Wellspring Cave- "Cletus", Woobat 11-14
Nacrene City- ??
Pinwheel Forest- "Heinrich", Pidove 12-30
Castelia City- ??
Route 4- "Urkel", Scraggy
Desert Resort- "Gustave", Sandile
Nimbasa City- ??
Route 5- "Miho", Gothita 19-25
Route 16- "Oscar", Trubbish 19-27
Relic Castle- "Teddy", Yamask
Lostlorn Forest- "Himmler", Tranquill
Driftveil Drawbridge- "Dewey", Ducklett
Driftveil City- XXX
Cold Storage- "Pompey II", Herdier
Route 6- "Bambina", Deerling, 22-22
Chargestone Cave- XXX
Route 7- "Charlie", Watchog
Celestial Tower- "Lumiere", Litwick
Twist Mountain- "Simon", Cubchoo
Route 17- "Ishmael", Frillish
Route 18- MYSTERY EGG

[Furtuka]

P2 laboratory is pretty much worthless unless you manage to pick up genesect, so no worries about breaking anything there.

Also huzzah for the tri-yearly update.

[tahujdt]

W00t! W00t! Yay, updates!