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Author Topic: You are a chimpanzee  (Read 2790 times)

SHAD0Wdump

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You are a chimpanzee
« on: May 30, 2011, 09:47:34 pm »
In the local zoo of [NONAMETOWN], children and their parents are swarming, the park attendants are keeping things orderly, Trash is no-where to be seen, and the day is sunny. Nothing is going wrong.

Except one thing... YOU ARE BORED.

It's like this every damn day, and there never seems to be excitement, just wake up, wait for the food bowls to be filled, eat, and... wait for the day to end without some kid throwing a soda bottle in your direction.

So... Being bored and all and somehow coming to the realization of this... What do you do?

>_
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Taricus

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2011, 11:13:02 pm »
If bottle is thrown at us, throw back. Possibly with extra feces to go with it.
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IronyOwl

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2011, 11:43:18 pm »
Lure a child into the pen.

When zoo officials attempt to rescue him, we'll have our opening to freedom!
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Quote from: Radio Controlled (Discord)
A hand, a hand, my kingdom for a hot hand!
Quote from: Ozarck on January 02, 2021, 01:32:20 pm
The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.

neil_v

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2011, 11:53:17 pm »
I touch myself.
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SHAD0Wdump

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2011, 11:56:39 pm »
You notice a kid cocking his arm like he's going to throw something when you get smooshed in the side with an ice cream cone...

So...

COLD

You promptly leave a brown bomb in it and toss it back... You hit... A zoo official.
 He's not happy with that.
He tosses his hat at you, storms off to another official, and yells "I QUIT".

You hop down from your tree and move somewhat near the wall, waving your newly aquired hat around, a particulaly young kid sees this and manages itself out of her mother's grasp and falls into the moat. Much distress from onlookers ensue.

>_
« Last Edit: May 31, 2011, 12:07:32 am by SHAD0Wdump »
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MonkeyHead

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2011, 05:45:48 am »
Save child and return to mother, only after smearing child with poop.
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Gamerlord

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2011, 05:48:05 am »
rub childs face in ass, throw back to  mother.
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Ochita

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2011, 06:03:15 am »
Quote from: Gamerlord on May 31, 2011, 05:48:05 am
rub childs face in ass, throw back to  mother.
No, wait. Dont do that.
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princest zaldo of hurl kindom: the mushroom aren't going to choice itself, ochita

Azkul

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2011, 06:13:27 am »
Quote from: Gamerlord on May 31, 2011, 05:48:05 am
rub childs face in ass, throw back to  mother.

DO IT
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Quote from: lawastooshort on October 03, 2011, 03:27:05 am
Whereas !!ALCHEMY!! has, since the times of Kings Arthur and Charlemagne, been about transforming oneself into a horse using feces.
Quote from: Rakonas on September 06, 2011, 03:58:24 pm
It turns out sleep is unnecessary because you can just get married and get infinite kisses

SHAD0Wdump

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2011, 04:34:11 pm »
You waddle over to the child, whom seems alright in the ankle-high water despite dropping down a noticible distance. You then mount the child and apply your cheeks.

She MUST be a huge monkey lover because she begins laughing instantly. Then stops after smelling chimp ass. She is now crying.

This disturbs you because a child crying is VERY LOUD. You attempt to toss her back, but you are still a chimpanzee and she is not the lightest of children her age. You sit there with your ears being blasted.

Several zoo officials have made their way into the pen with nets and zappy sticks. You hate the zappy sticks.

>_
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Taricus

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2011, 04:35:54 pm »
Leave the baby and run away!
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IronyOwl

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2011, 07:15:03 pm »
Pretend to be distracted rifling through the child's pockets, then use it as temporary cover when they go for you, before dashing onto one of them. Let's see them use the zappy sticks on each other!
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Quote from: Radio Controlled (Discord)
A hand, a hand, my kingdom for a hot hand!
Quote from: Ozarck on January 02, 2021, 01:32:20 pm
The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.

SHAD0Wdump

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #12 on: May 31, 2011, 09:41:04 pm »
You start patting the child in various locations as she doesn't really have pockets...

The officials circle you and the child, the one with the net attempts to catch you... And misses, you try to latch on but he's too fast.

Another one tries to grab you with plain hands... You slap him away.

The officials are kinda pissed now... One swings with the dreaded zappy stick... She ends up zapping the poor child while you crawl up her arm. You have now mounted her head!

>_
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Taricus

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #13 on: May 31, 2011, 09:44:14 pm »
HUMAN RODEO!
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noah22223

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Re: You are a chimpanzee
« Reply #14 on: May 31, 2011, 09:45:58 pm »
"Ooh Ooh!"
Chimpanzee Norris the bitches.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWTFG3J1CP8
Quote from: MetalSlimeHunt on July 05, 2011, 05:58:25 am
So I'm a Depressing Jesus Wizard being stalked by Satan Lights, and my home's wiring is going bad?
Goddammit.
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