I really can't be asked to read over the entire thread, so sorry if I rehash over old material, some of my exploits can be seen from quite a ways away... anyway...
It's been a busy week for me... and yes, a week, time dilation is a bitch.
So first my cat shows me how to create a doorway into hell, where I go down and immediately find myself in the middle of this frigging huge party, I spent all afternoon there, I've never been big on parties, but there were some pretty cool people there, Napoleon in particular (who was apparently taught english just for me) was quite fun to chat to, he's got a lot of interesting insights into the creation and inner workings of governments, which I imagine would be quite handy. So then I fell into a time hole, spent about a day in there, turns out there are places in hell where you can literally spend an infinite amount of time compared to the rest of the world. It was quite a pain, but my cat can use some killer juju and managed to pull me out of it with only about 26 hours of relative time passing, which is good because
it was boring as fuck, I just spent time messing around on my new laptop, for some reason I still had the ability to connect to the infernet (hell's network infastructure). So I messed around on there, the technology behind it all is amazing, and you wouldn't BELIEVE the kinds of programming tools they have down there... I think there are groups of people who's punishment is to spend all eternity programming for someone else. None of the code is commented and seems to come as one gigantic block of code in some obtuse and inane programming language (I'm not really sure, but it looks a little like a brainfuck derivative). So anyway, there's this MASSIVE load of extremely user friendly programming tools that make programming a breeze, several of them seem to have some sort of artificial intelligence built into the system (I guess for the programmers "misery likes company"). In any case, these tools are only available to people with the highest access clearance, I've got it, since I'm da baws. I spent a while messing with the universe through my laptop, did you know there are hundreds of thousands of intelligent alien species on other planets? Oh, incidentally that was when I discovered we were about to be invaded by aliens... There's actually several different strains of aliens that are already on the planet due to dimensional rifts (I managed to close a few of those, I'll get around to the rest). Anyway, there's three fleets of alien ships, they all seemed to be bickering with each other, one of them wanted to control the power eminating from this world, another (which was actually a coalition of species) wanted to destroy it, then there were these tight arsed robots who were going on about "preserving the individuality of primitive life forms".
So anyway... after getting out of the time hole I went out to do something about these guys, I mean we've got hundreds of thousands of worlds to deal with. We've gotta get earth's shit together fast, so I went over and I hacked the robots (I must have misplaced my laptop so I had to do it by hand). I couldn't get complete control over them, they seem to have some tech that specifically outwits hell's tech (it's all shiny and blue, ugh). But I did manage to get them to blow each other up. Then one of the aliens managed to unleash some demonic portal on themselves, and managed to suck themselves into one of hell's backwater dimensions. Then it was pretty much just me and the coalition. Demons can't do shit in space (something about getting too far away from the earth's core), so I was more or less alone. Fortunately the coalition guys were REALLY easy to hack, in fact I'm not sure they'd even heard of the concept... When they caught on to what was going on they decided to detonate this doomsday device that created a black hole, which dragged things out even longer for me, I must have spent, something like 5 or 6 days rearranging the flux so that the black hole collapsed into one of hell's dimensions. Hell is now short one circle (denial, the 15th circle). Not that anyone especially cares. It'll grow back.
So here I am, sitting on top of an alien mothership... I figure I'll try and get this thing running later, for now I'm just enjoying the view, I think earth is going to wind up forming a dust ring from all the debris that's building up. Oh and hey, a nuke just went off somewhere over the atlantic, in case anyone was wondering what the flash was.
That's everything, just thought everyone would like an update.
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Topic: Aw sweet we're not dead. (Read 12123 times)