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Author Topic: Dwarves are stupid  (Read 2326 times)

MrShovelFace

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Dwarves are stupid
« on: May 18, 2011, 12:29:34 pm »
They really are. They are incapable of employing any kind of common sense when given a task.

I once designated a large cistern to be made (About 15 z levels deep) and my miners split up in two teams and one starts channeling the top of the cistern and the other channels the bottom. They must be thinking they will meet half way except when they met in the middle both teams fell a good 8z levels and managed to paint the bottom of the cistern red and engrave the walls with dwarven eye balls



What is the stupidest thing your dwarves have done while you werent looking
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FrisianDude

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2011, 12:32:11 pm »
That sounds more like it was your fault.  8)
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A tiny, foul-tempered humanoid creature that dwells in the evil mountains. They are known to enjoy drinking liquor and will take any unguarded supplies of booze.

noodle0117

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2011, 01:33:33 pm »
When I built my first danger room full of wooden training spears and all the cats and dwarven babies got skewered...
More my fault though.
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Uristisdying

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2011, 01:44:19 pm »
Recently, I built a deep pit for goblins to fall into. I had already filled the bottom with magma. What I didn't notice was that I forgot to dump some coal and lignite. Both were ignited. Waves of miners died that day, trying to channel the tile containing the burning stone. Must have been quite the sight:

Miner 1: "OUCH! Must dig. OUCH! Must dig. Bloody burning stone. OUCH! AAAaar..."
Miner 2: "Smells like chicken. OUCH! Must dig. OUCH! AAaaaar...."
Miner 3: "Strange, I don't remember burned corpses lyin.. AAAAAAarrrrr"

Seven dorfs later, my head was introduced to my desk.
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Never trust a grinning dwarf. It is always planning something.

MrShovelFace

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2011, 04:20:42 pm »
lol i just had a mood dwarf go insane and decided to begin his reign of terror first by pulling the lever in my 'fun' room
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Necro910

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2011, 04:24:20 pm »
Maybe building a wall 3 tiles away from the mountain, above a volcano. The falling magma killed 3 dorfs.

I was stuck between "YOU FUCKING MORON", "OH SHIT", and "HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN DO THAT?"

lol.
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nomad_delta

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2011, 04:37:12 pm »
Quote from: noodle0117 on May 18, 2011, 01:33:33 pm
When I built my first danger room full of wooden training spears and all the cats and dwarven babies got skewered...
More my fault though.

Same happened to me but I thought of this as an unexpected benefit of the danger room...

These days I've sworn off danger rooms, though, they still feel like cheating to me.

--nomad_delta
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Marthnn

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #7 on: May 18, 2011, 04:49:49 pm »
I generally get my dwarves to do pretty much what I want them to do.

Except when it comes to running from a threat, like an ambush. I think I remember having seen one dwarf flee to security, no more.
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Marthnn likes obsidian, steel, star ruby, goblin-cap wood, the color bloody red and giant desert scorpions for their tails. When possible, he prefers to consume sunshine. He absolutely detests cave blobs.

Quote from: greycat on May 10, 2011, 08:18:33 pm
A dwarf wants to heal.  A dwarf is motivated to heal.  A dwarf is, by Armok, going to heal or die trying!  Because if he doesn't heal, he doesn't get alcohol.

FrisianDude

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2011, 04:58:33 pm »
Reminds me, a presser (therefore general farmer/hauler) ran away from two ambushes straight through the third. Their silver spears were more than enough to end him. :( I feel sorry for his Cavy Sow.
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A tiny, foul-tempered humanoid creature that dwells in the evil mountains. They are known to enjoy drinking liquor and will take any unguarded supplies of booze.

Chocolatemilkgod

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2011, 05:24:42 pm »
Dwarves have absolutely no sense when running away from enemies. In addition, they also have stupid 'claiming' bugs, wherein they claim something that is unreachable, and cause a ridiculous amount of message spam because of it -.- .
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Dwarf 1: This is the worst part... The calm before the battle.
Dwarf 2: And then the battle is not so bad?
Dwarf 1: Oh...right. I forgot about the battle.

Necro910

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2011, 05:30:00 pm »
Quote from: Chocolatemilkgod on May 18, 2011, 05:24:42 pm
Dwarves have absolutely no sense when running away from enemies. In addition, they also have stupid 'claiming' bugs, wherein they claim something that is unreachable, and cause a ridiculous amount of message spam because of it -.- .
AH MY SOCK IS GONE!
AH GOBLINS!
AH MY SOCK!
AH GOBLINS!
AH MY SOCK!
AH MY TROUSERS!
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Chocolatemilkgod

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2011, 05:34:33 pm »
Quote from: Necro910 on May 18, 2011, 05:30:00 pm
Quote from: Chocolatemilkgod on May 18, 2011, 05:24:42 pm
Dwarves have absolutely no sense when running away from enemies. In addition, they also have stupid 'claiming' bugs, wherein they claim something that is unreachable, and cause a ridiculous amount of message spam because of it -.- .
AH MY SOCK IS GONE!
AH GOBLINS!
AH MY SOCK!
AH GOBLINS!
AH MY SOCK!
AH MY TROUSERS!

Or possibly:

"Oh my god a goblin! Run awa-- Oooohh pretty sock :D I'll just pick this up and completely ignore the fact I'm surrounded by twenty goblins closing in on me and...Uh-oh..."
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Dwarf 1: This is the worst part... The calm before the battle.
Dwarf 2: And then the battle is not so bad?
Dwarf 1: Oh...right. I forgot about the battle.

Fredd

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2011, 08:34:54 pm »
Having the mayor trying to remove a cat corpse from a danger room, after it already had perforated both her kids
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Should you fail to comply, strict !!disciplinary actions!! will be taken. Also, we feel we should remind you that one of the "criminals" on your list is the chief medical dwarf. If he ends up too badly injured to do his job, you will be fired. Out of a magma cannon.
Sincerely,
The Administration

Chessrook44

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #13 on: May 18, 2011, 08:41:17 pm »
Once had a dwarf run off into the caverns.  To "Clean".  He ran to a decending passage, decended to the second cavern level, started heading Armok-Knows-Where, and walked into a blind troll.  He now has the custom title "One-handed idiot".
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Mrhappyface

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Re: Dwarves are stupid
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2011, 08:45:29 pm »
To tell you the truth, I've lost more dwarves to their incompetence. (Really Urist, the Fort is to the West, the Goblins to the East, and you decide to go North?) Or taking babies and pets into Danger Rooms. Or deciding to run towards the slope closest to the magma. Or dodging off cliffs.
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This is Dwarf Fortress. Where torture, enslavement, and murder are not only tolerable hobbies, but considered dwarfdatory.
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