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[brendanfox1]

Noble Killing Unfortunate accidents are a daily part of Dwarf Fortress.  These accidents are often very creative and interesting, so post your best kills worst accidents.  (note: envisioned ones count)
Bonus: Booze-related
MegaDwarfBonus: Badgers+booze
SuperUltraMegaDwarfBonus: badgers+booze+carp+magma+clowns+unfortunate hammering+cave-ins

[Girlinhat]

I was recently inspired by a bug report.  Apparently, when a mandate isn't fulfilled, the mandate-maker blames the dwarf with the best skill in that area.  If no raw green glass is made, then the fort's glasser is punished.  If the fort has one glasser, the mayor himself, then the mayor will order himself to be punished, and promptly beaten or taken to prison.  This seems like SUCH a fitting solution, especially if the dwarf keeps punishing himself every mandate.

[xeivous]

I was recently inspired by a bug report.  Apparently, when a mandate isn't fulfilled, the mandate-maker blames the dwarf with the best skill in that area.  If no raw green glass is made, then the fort's glasser is punished.  If the fort has one glasser, the mayor himself, then the mayor will order himself to be punished, and promptly beaten or taken to prison.  This seems like SUCH a fitting solution, especially if the dwarf keeps punishing himself every mandate.

This is awesome.

[SpiralDimentia]

I recently had two accidents occur that I sorta facepalmed at. The first, a doctor was moving by the pit outside I have that goes straight to magma. A wandering raccoon apparently tried to pickpocket him, and he dodged into the hole.

The second was completely my fault. I have a drawbridge protecting the front of my fortress. I had just gotten a seige, and was in the process of getting my civilians inside. [I was building a road to the edge of the map, so there were quite a few masons out there.]

Anyways, I knew I wasn't going to get the last two in intime, so I sent my military to intercept. One dwarf.. one crazy, brave motherfucker, was first on the scene, taking on a troupe of trolls, holding them off long enough to get the dwarven masons inside. Then my military showed up and made short work of the trolls. Now here's the accident:

I withdrew my squad to the entrance, because the rest of the seige was close and I didn't want to lose my fighters. I ordered them in, and they crossed the bridge right as the goblins showed up. Then, the civilian I had ordered to pull the lever operating the bridge showed up. Happily, he performed his duty, and a second or two later, the bridge raised.. right as the same dwarf from before was crossing it. He was flung through the air, and landed back on the other side of the bridge, in the middle of the goblins. Everyone else had made it, even the civilians. I couldn't do anything but watch as he stood, turned, and fought the entire seige by himself. I didn't have full equipment at this time, so it wasn't long before he was skewered and killed.

[brendanfox1]

Spiral:That wasn't exactly the point of the thread... But whatever.

[Girlinhat]

The point is, "unfortunate accident" means "my mayor is making shitty mandates.  How do I kill him best?"

[SpiralDimentia]

Oh, my bad. Lol. Sorry, I should known that, just working on little sleep. I normally just ignore my duchess. She's got a nice room that keeps her happy, so i don't even bother with whatever else she wants.

[Manae]

That will eventually lead to some very unhappy other dwarves.

[SpiralDimentia]

I don't appoint a captain of the guard, so no one gets punished. The duchess just gripes about for a bit, eats a lavish meal, admires her artifact floodgate, and all is forgiven.

[Number4]

"Where's my crystal glass window? You! Hammerer! Find our glassmaker and punish him for this insolence!"
"Yes sir!"
Checks a list: *Hmm...proficient weaponsmith, proficient armorsmith...not. legendary carpenter, not. high master cheese maker...not. There! Novice appraiser, dabbling judge of intent and NOVICE GLASSMAKER! I found our criminal! It's Urist McMayor!*
"Sir, I found our criminal!"
"Well, punish him at once!"
"Do you happen to know where Urist McMayor is?
"WHAT? It's ME, you blithering IDIOT!"
The Hammerer strikes Urist McMayor with his *silver war hammer*, jamming the skull through the brain!
Urist McMayor has been struck down.

[Lectorog]

Captured three monkeys. Built the cages in the mayor's room. Established a grated room-flooding system. Sealed the door, mayor locked inside.
Open the cages, let monkeys and mayor go at it. When bored with the combat logs, throw the other lever and let water flood the room. Once finished, drain.
I can't remember if the monkeys or mayor were winning; it was a few versions ago.

More recently, I realized the expedition leader had been a mayor for a while and had begun demanding platinum items; we had no platinum. I decided to see to his quarters first.
I built a semi-elaborate house/mansion for him, halfway across the map from my fortress. I saw to it that all of his rooming demands were fulfilled, down to the last chest.
The main room was "special" though - the floor was channeled all around, with tiny bridges connecting the sides to doorways. It was held up by a support to the ceiling; the support was connected to a lever.
It was as simple as putting him in the main room, sealing the doors, and pulling the lever; several floors under him were channeled out also. It was a sizable fall.
This was fully repeatable, too; only the unfurnished central room was dropped, so simply rebuilding the floor and reassigning the furniture accommodated any future mayor.

Also, carp were meant for the first one, but I couldn't find any - only monkeys. Lots of those.

[zephyr_hound]

Re that punish-the-mayor thing, I would like to say that I tried this with a lady who kept asking for fine pewter 3/3 (we do not have tin at this location and nor does our civ have access to it thank you very much). I used Therapist to turn off all metalworking on everyone except her, double checked, triple checked, then let the mandate expire.

She ordered my bookkeeper beaten. A dwarf who had never touched a forge in his life. I savescummed and made her her damn fine pewter stuff (luckily I did have a bar from a caravan and could do a recursive cagemaking trick)

So I don't think the mayor will punish itself in .23 or .25 certainly, maybe earlier versions.



On the subject of unfortunate accidents, I drowned a mayor last year which is the first unfortunate accident I have had to arrange. Sad story, she was in the military and lost both arms at the shoulder in an early siege, she lived 15 years with no arms, no clothes because they rotted off, couldn't pick anything up, couldn't do any jobs, couldn't eat her food at a table, I couldn't even give her a room because then she would spam "cancels store owned item; too injured" three times a second. The "received major injuries recently" was a permanent unhappy thought on her too. She got elected mayor and I gave her the mayoral apartments after forbidding every piece of goblin junk clothing that remained in my fort, it didn't matter to have such nice rooms, she was still unhappy. Even the artifact adamantine statue in the foyer couldn't lift her mood. Finally she got elected again and while I didn't mind the mandates (she liked rose gold and I had plenty in stock from caravans), she dropped down to Very Unhappy because she still couldn't sit down to eat her food. So I decided it was time for her to go. Standard drowning trap, I made her a beautiful room with all the luxuries, down in the cavern beside the lake. Locked the door, pulled the lever, opened the floodgate. 3 levels of water pressure filled the room in an instant. I could have had easier ways to kill her, dropping her in the magma moat would have been much easier but I wanted a body to bury because I kind of felt she deserved a proper sendoff.

Her final thought screen said "Ilral Woundstockade has been fine lately. She talked to a friend lately."

*MANLY TEARS*

[Number4]

Thats euthanasia, not an unfortunate accident. Unfortunate accidents tend to happen when you aren't content with the demands of a certain noble, not when you feel sorry for her and/or want to pre-empt a tantrum...

[FrankMcFuzz]

I underestimate nobles. I have never needed to kill one, but I would probably lock them in a room with a fell mood dwarf who needs glass picked from Armok's teeth and wait it out.

[elizar]

I was recently inspired by a bug report.  Apparently, when a mandate isn't fulfilled, the mandate-maker blames the dwarf with the best skill in that area.  If no raw green glass is made, then the fort's glasser is punished.  If the fort has one glasser, the mayor himself, then the mayor will order himself to be punished, and promptly beaten or taken to prison.  This seems like SUCH a fitting solution, especially if the dwarf keeps punishing himself every mandate.

I was under the impression that this bug was fixed way before 40d. It was at fixed when toady had that manual bug report page he had. I wish I knew where it was, it was fun to read. Many bizarre bugs.