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[Ultimuh]

And several legendary social skills.
But even with that, some still had grudges.

[ggamer]

Jesus McHoly, Prophet

Legendary Brewer

Dabbling Carpenter.

...well, they never specified if he was any good at carpenting.

He was.

What? You expected Jesus to just loaf around being a messiah? He was his father's apprentice, learning the ways of carpenting.

[Nasikabatrachus]

In some apocryphal gospels, Joseph is kind of an inept carpenter. In one case Joseph makes a chair with uneven legs and Jesus lengthens one of the legs with magic miracles.

[Raging Mouse]

Let's not forget his legendary cooking.

This is a fish biscuit (2,000). It is made from miraculously minced bread and supernaturally minced fish.

[Nasikabatrachus]

Yeshua, Ghostly Carpenter has risen and is haunting the tomb!

[snoopychicken]

In some apocryphal gospels, Joseph is kind of an inept carpenter. In one case Joseph makes a chair with uneven legs and Jesus lengthens one of the legs with magic miracles.

In some of the others he's also prone to tantrums, going as far as murder when he was a kid.
Mind you in the actual canon he still has a few tantrums, what with the merchants tables and everything.
And then their's that Mel Gibson film where he actually invents the modern day table

[Bathunter]

We don't mind expanding this a bit, do we?

Sailor cancels Deconstruct Door: Interrupted by Cthulhu

The Sailor has gone stark raving mad!

[Kattaroten]

To continue the trend of correcting details in other peoples posts... Jesus and Joseph probably were probably not carpenters, the idea that he was a carpenter probably comes from a slight mistranslation from the greek word "tecton", which means something closer to a handyman of some kind, wood could or could not have been involved...

This is a masterful engraving of Jesus the human prophet. He is surrounded by humans. He is eating a Jesus meat bread loaf.

[vhappylurker]

You know, this thread leave me kind of wanting to see a version of the Bible done as a Legends mode file. Maybe with some ASCII images and report logs thrown in to keep things interesting. I mean, there's a LOL-cat version of the Bible out there, why not a suitably dwarfy one?

[Azated]

A vile force of Greeks has arrived!

Hector, Trojan prince is fighting!
Achilles strikes hector in the chest with a +Wooden spear+, piercing the armor and penetrating the chest!!
Hector doubles over in pain!
Achilles grabs Hector in the feet with his chariot!
Hector has been struck down.

Odysseus Cancels Siege: Strange mood
Odysseus has claimed a Carpenters workshop!
Odysseus has created Trojan Horse, a giant wooden horse!

Trojan defender cancels patrol: Interrupted by Greek warrior
Greek warrior strikes the Trojan defender from behind, severing the head!
Trojan defender has been struck down.

Achilles cancels siege: Interrupted by Paris
Achilles is fighting!
Paris fires the +wooden bow+
The Arrow strikes Achilles in the heel, piercing the Skin of River Styx and severing an artery!
Achilles has been struck down.

[DrKillPatient]

Engraved on the wall is an image of Odysseus and Antinous. Odysseus is firing a bow. Antinous is making a plaintive gesture. This relates to the killing of the suitor Antinous by Odysseus.

[MasterMorality]

Original post has been edited to allow for more expansive examples.  These are brilliant.

We don't mind expanding this a bit, do we?

Sailor cancels Deconstruct Door: Interrupted by Cthulhu

The Sailor has gone stark raving mad!

Engraved on the wall is an image of Odysseus and Antinous. Odysseus is firing a bow. Antinous is making a plaintive gesture. This relates to the killing of the suitor Antinous by Odysseus.

Oh christ these are awesome. I love the Lovecraft mythos and I studied The Odyssey a few years ago.
I'll have to try something similar.

For now, more Norse myth:

Thor cancels kill Grey-beard: Cannot find path.

Thor has become enraged!
Thor has calmed down.

Thor has embarked on a journey.

If anyone's confused, that was from Harbarddsljod - Thor, travelling, meets a Ferryman, Grey-beard, who refuses to ferry him cross a river. The two have an argument/conversation thing where Grey-beard continuously insults him, and Thor can only impotently threaten death, but cannot actually get to Grey-beard. Grey-beard reveals, however, that Thors wife, Sif, has been banging Loki while he's been away, so Thor sets off back to Odin's hall. 

So if that's a little obscure, but I love that part of the Elder Edda, it's quite funny.

[hector13]

A vile force of Greeks has arrived!

Hector, Trojan prince is fighting!
Achilles strikes hector in the chest with a +Wooden spear+, piercing the armor and penetrating the chest!!
Hector doubles over in pain!
Achilles grabs Hector in the feet with his chariot!
Hector has been struck down.

I resent that 

[Azated]

A vile force of Greeks has arrived!

Hector, Trojan prince is fighting!
Achilles strikes hector in the chest with a +Wooden spear+, piercing the armor and penetrating the chest!!
Hector doubles over in pain!
Achilles grabs Hector in the feet with his chariot!
Hector has been struck down.

I resent that 

If you danger roomed yourself, maybe you could have dodged out of the way.

[Svarte Troner]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ahhh, the good old northern crusades, a wholesome slaughter of innocent pagans heathen infidels!

A vile force of Christians has arrived!

Absalon, Danish Bishop, has become enraged!
The Rani are surprised by the ferocity of the Christian onslaught!
Absalon kicks +Chalk Pagan Statue+ in the upper body!

In the late summer of 1136 *Danish Crusade on the Slavs* occurred.
In The late summer of 1136 the Danish forces attacked the Rani tribe in the Cape of Arkona. The Danes led the attack and the defenders were led by the Rani tribe.

The Rani were defeated in the battle and forced to convert to Christianity. When the Danes left, the Rani converted to Paganism.

In the midsummer of 1168 the Danish forces attacked the Rani tribe in the Cape of Arkona. The Human Absalon led the attack and the defenders were led by the Rani tribe. The Rani were defeated and forced to convert to Christianity and became vassals of the Danes.
In the midsummer of 1168 *Danish Crusade on the Slavs* ended.