I get worse at the game the longer I play. I train backwards. Like, the first time I stopped playing was in Season 1, I had almost a 70% winrate after around 400 games. The second time I started I kicked ass for a few months, had one period where I was winning 9/10 games (I distinctly remember being frustrated that I'd always get to 9 and then lose, and could never get a full match history of wins), then it all fell apart and I was lucky to scrape 2/10 wins. This went on for a couple weeks, then I stopped. Came back, wasn't as good, maybe 60% win rate, steadily declining.
It just feels like the longer I play the game the less I enjoy it, the worse it gets. Also I only have two friends who play it. One is a huge dick about it and has only sort of realized it, I don't play with him at all anymore. The other quit because he didn't like how it made people mad.
It's a nasty, mean-spirited game where everybody's mad and nobody's actually having fun. It reminds me of CS:S. Nobody I ever saw playing CS:S seemed like they were having fun.
When I stop playing I forget all of that and I just remember the occasional good moments. That makes me want to play again and I quickly remember why I stopped.
Also I'm very prone to tilt. I tried and tried to get better about it but it's just a reality. I've learned to fear the loss. When I'm losing I get discouraged and make bad moves, when I'm on a winning streak the loss is just a sword of damocles hanging over my head. I remember back during that last huge win streak (It was my birthday!) after about nine wins in a row all I could think was "oh boy, my MMR is going up and up, when are the losses coming?"
I knew the jig was up when challengers started showing up in my games.
So basically I'm on permanent tilt. I'm working for the weekend, but hten the weekend comes and I waste it worrying about Monday.