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Author Topic: Holy shit moments  (Read 5667 times)

EllisMaestr

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2011, 02:34:37 am »

I once had a forgotten beast arrive at my fort. It was my first ever, so I thought it was cool. It also had "deadly spittle," which I'd read about (rotting brains etc.). I wasn't ready for that much !!fun!! yet, so I sealed off the caverns and waited.

One year later, roughly, I had to open them up again to collect webs for a moody dwarf. I set my completely untrained military to guard the entrance to the fortress while some other dwarves collected the webs. Then I turned my attention to the trade caravans that had stopped by.

A few minutes later, I looked back at them and could not believe my eyes. There was the forgotten beast, lying dead on the ground. Not a single dwarf was injured.

Later, when I made a refuse stockpile, someone insisted on hauling his corpse outside. His 21 ton corpse. He took one step for every twenty the nearby dwarves did.
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bucket

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2011, 10:45:39 am »

A few versions back, about two years ago, I got my first taste of brush fire.

I'd embarked on a volcanic island for a challenge. My first job was to OH GOD FIRE IMPS ARE ALREADY HERE, HOLY CRAP THEY'RE SHOOTING FLAMES! Suddenly the entire landscape was ablaze. The only survivor went insane and drowned himself in the sea. Shortest and best fort ever.
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jaxy15

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2011, 01:37:25 pm »

When my first hill titan came, I decided that it was time for my axedwarves to show off their skills from the danger room.
I was quite impressed when I saw one of them dominate the beast alone.
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Dwarf Fortress: Threats of metabolism.

Eric Blank

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #18 on: May 09, 2011, 03:40:05 pm »

One of the biggest holy shit moments I experienced was a reincarnation of a forum classic: In 40d, the period where fire imps roamed freely, I had neglected to make a properly secured magma forging area in a volcano fortress. Soon an imp had come up and set fire to a metalsmith before retreating. That smith ran back out into the fort and straight to the booze stockpile, causing a horrible explosion and killing himself and a few other dwarves.

Another I'd like to share was a rather hollywood battle between my above-ground fortress, entirely unprepared for this, and a local dragon that arrived because I had modded them to arrive even if your population was as low as 7 and you had nothing of value. It charged in and started roasting stray dwarves caught outside, and destroyed the raised drawbridges that served as gates (I had no idea they could destroy raised drawbridges, and I'm experienced enough to set them up properly to boot!) and charged right towards the little open-air keep I had ordered my dwarves into. I activated the militia, consisting of everyone, and set them upon the beast, mostly unarmed and entirely unarmored. The first half dozen recruits that rushed out were cooked alive, and another group followed them to the same fate. The dragon was busy wrestling with... a wrestler, as he was known after death, and a recruit closed in quickly as that wrestler was struck dead. He punched the dragon once in the skull, killing it instantly. Roughly 11 dwarves died, and at least one was horribly injured. That fort didn't last long after that though, I forcibly suicided by collapsing the floor of the meeting area.
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I make Spellcrafts!
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

JmzLost

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #19 on: May 09, 2011, 04:11:30 pm »

I had 2 half-trained militia, started as Teacher/Student 5/5, got their levels killing harpies and ogres and rabbits, and training all year.  They each had a pair of war dogs to act as meat shields.  First goblin ambush shows up, swordgobs at the North entrance and macegobs at the West.  All but 2 of the macegobs walk into the traps I've set, so I figure they're about to break and run.  Only 3 of the sword gobs fell to the traps, so I send my militia out to spread their gibs on the outside of the fort.  The plan worked perfectly, except one of the dogs saw the macegobs, and charged them alone.  The gob broke 3 feet, 2 legs, and damaged some internal organs before crushing the dogs skull.

Needless to say, my militia commander was upset that her pet had been tortured to death, chased down the mace gob, and bit him on the upper lip.  And latched on firmly.  And shook him.  She proceeded to break every bone in both arms, both legs, his left hand, and remove 3 teeth with her *bronze battle axe*, always shaking the goblin by his lip before every stroke of her axe.  Finally her partner arrived and chopped the gob in half with 1 swing.

After watching her wig out, I made a special bedroom for my militia commander, 5x5 smoothed dolomite, dolomite furniture, and a serrated disc trap with iron discs.  And her tomb had a special place for her favorite war dog.  I did my best to keep her happy, because I really, really didn't want her tantrumming through my unarmed dwarves.  Also, because she is awesome.

The macegob went in the trash with all of the others.

JMZ
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Also, obviously, magma avalanches and tsunamis weren't exactly a contingency covered in the mission briefing.
I can assure you that Ardentdikes is not the first fortress to be flooded with magma. What's unusual is that we actually meant to flood it with magma.

darkflagrance

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #20 on: May 09, 2011, 05:18:44 pm »

So my fortress Champion died today. He was the veteran of a battle that nearly killed the fort, where Giant Fiend Spiders devoured all but three members of the military, and I barely hung on for the next 2 years by drafting random peasants until they gained enough skill to survive. He and the other surviving veteran of that battle charged out alone to face a combined Giant Fiend Spider/Fury/Tigerman siege, and both perished defending the west gate.

So I check the equipment my champion dropped, wondering which of my named legendary weapons he was using. To my surprise, I see neither a sword nor axe nor spear where he lies. I search the area around him, but find only the corpses of dead invaders and their crappy iron or bronze equipment. Then I think to check his shield...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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...as if nothing really matters...
   
The Legend of Tholtig Cryptbrain: 8000 dead elves and a cyclops

Tired of going decades without goblin sieges? Try The Fortress Defense Mod

Ahrimahn

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #21 on: May 09, 2011, 06:42:42 pm »

So my fortress Champion died today. He was the veteran of a battle that nearly killed the fort, where Giant Fiend Spiders devoured all but three members of the military, and I barely hung on for the next 2 years by drafting random peasants until they gained enough skill to survive. He and the other surviving veteran of that battle charged out alone to face a combined Giant Fiend Spider/Fury/Tigerman siege, and both perished defending the west gate.

So I check the equipment my champion dropped, wondering which of my named legendary weapons he was using. To my surprise, I see neither a sword nor axe nor spear where he lies. I search the area around him, but find only the corpses of dead invaders and their crappy iron or bronze equipment. Then I think to check his shield...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Dwarven Captain america.

macgruber

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #22 on: May 09, 2011, 10:46:33 pm »

In one of my earlier games, I had my dwarves begin digging out the main entrance, little did they know a beast most foul was roaming this land...


You remember how
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
this guy died?  It was pretty much like that, sans T-Rex.  My poor dwarf was simply loitering about near the cavern opening when he was snatched up...   Blood EVERYWHERE!
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Ageofbob

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #23 on: May 10, 2011, 04:04:55 am »

I signed up just to share this!

This is from one of my earliest forts, my second fortress, Aged Ale, met a horrible end. I was particularly proud of my fortress at the time. I had room for all 30 or so dwarves, just beds, I had no idea their were cabinets or chests at that time. Food was plentiful, as was booze, wood and stone. I decided it was time for a good strong defense.

A channel around my entrance would be fine for now. So I set to digging it, not knowing at the time that a channel would destroy the walls under it. So now my nice looking fortress was broken by a long line that breached the walls of many rooms, no matter. Just aesthetics, not incredibly important. So I continued placing. My channel was almost done, and a bridge was being laid down for merchants to come in.

Then, disaster, my poorly planned channel had breached the walls of a small pond, soon my dining room and farm plots were submerged, the rest of my fortress was saved by strategic door placing, oh well accidents happen. But now I had half a moat! Surely my defenses would be impregnable! And, as if to test my 'impregnable' fortress, the Elves attacked! A whole two squads on my 'impregnable' fortress.

It was not impregnable. They laid down frickin planks to cross my one-tile wide channel, then proceeded to murder half the fortress (I had absolutely no military), but, lucky for me I had dug deep into the earth, and had built a hallway with some forbidden doors , the dwarves behind would be safe until the Elves left. Not so, my Legendary miner was a great guy, friends with a lot of other dwarves, a lot who died. He went into a tantrum and proceeded to murder the rest of the fortress with his pick.

Then, after his orgy of destruction was done, he grew melancholy and starved himself. But, I still had one or two dwarves kickin around, both migrants, so they had no friends. My fortress would be rebuilt by these two brave young men! And then a kobold thief came and managed to kill one. One peasant was left. A single peasant. At that point I was frothing at the mouth with anger and sorrow at my lost fortress. The poor peasant was wandering the fortress, vomiting every so often on the strewn bodies of fallen comrades, and all the while I'm trying to get him to do something, he's obviously conflicted, there's literally hundreds of jobs, bury the dead, plant seeds, harvest plants, cut wood, mine, construct building. In my rush to fix the fortress I accidentally unforbidded the hallway doors, and a lone invader I could not see in the unit list because of all the dead proceeded to wrestle the last survivor to death. Aged Ale had fallen.

Heh heh, I just copied and pasted this off the story archive, I was too lazy to actually write it again!
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Patchouli

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #24 on: May 10, 2011, 04:11:39 am »

Unless I missed something, elves don't lay planks over channels.
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Ageofbob

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #25 on: May 10, 2011, 04:37:46 am »

Unless I missed something, elves don't lay planks over channels.

Well somehow there were planks there...OMG! I just figured it out! Years later it comes to me! The doors! The doors I made to keep the water out were being used as floors! Now that I think about can they do that? Can they be used as walkways? Maybe I built walls to keep the pond water out, it's all to foggy for me... :-\ Well somehow they got passed my impregnable half-moat and murderd my hole in the ground :P
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dwarfhoplite

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #26 on: May 10, 2011, 10:24:06 am »

The first time I breached HFS. I had no idea, had seen some stories on the forums, but they did nothing to prepare me.

It was glorious.
haha that happened to me too. It was a mess but we killed lots until we got crushed like a bee defeated
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Nyxalinth

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #27 on: May 10, 2011, 10:56:46 am »

JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A TITAN, GET IN THE--wait, where'd he go?

Turned out the first squad that reached him killed him almost instantly.  So it's was a holy shit moment mixed with 'Well, that didn't even generate Fun moment...'
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Nyxalinth likes the color blue, gaming, writing, art, cats for their aloofness,  Transformers for their sentience and ability to transform, and the Constructicons for their hard work and building skills. Whenever possible, she prefers to consume bacon cheeseburgers and pinot noir. She absolutely detests stupid people.

Mister Always

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #28 on: May 10, 2011, 11:29:33 am »

Adventurer McAxedwarf hits the Goblin Duder in the lower body with his steel battle axe and the severed part sails off in an arc!

Pretty impressive, the first time I saw it.

Oh, and the time when a baby killed a troll (yes) that was chasing him and his mother by punching it in the head, broken skull, skull bits in brain, yadda yadda. That baby was fucking hardcore.
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darkflagrance

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Re: Holy shit moments
« Reply #29 on: May 10, 2011, 12:01:07 pm »

Once again, I am beset by a siege of Giant Fiend Spiders. Knowing that in their numbers they can destroy an infinite amount of dwarves, I station my troops near the fortress entrance and plan to lure them few by few into melee combat while my crossbows snipe at them from above.

I do not plan on one of my younger champions, Eikas by name, charging out alone to the other side of the wall where his squad is stationed. He first cuts down the squads of naga warriors and goblin macemen around him, but then turns a corner and runs into an ambush of two entire Fiend Spider units. Almost immediately he is surrounded and webbed under a pile of grotesque cephalothoraxes. I abandon him for dead.

On the other side of the wall, my spearmen kill the last of the nagas, and I order my military to regather at both the western and eastern gates. Meanwhile, I am surprised that no notification has been received of the foolish Eikas's death. I find him still alive, his masterwork armor having saved his vital organs from damage, though nearly all of his joints (ankles, wrists, elbows, shoulders, hips) are broken and mangled, and he is pale and in extreme pain. Hoping against hope, I rally my crossbows to the top of the battlements, and they fire down upon the Fiend Spider host as my military charges on the spiders from both directions. The spiders are too busy focusing on Eikas to defend themselves, and victory is once again mine!

Eikas is holed up in the hospital for two seasons as his wounds are steadily stitched up and dressed by my surgeons - he looks like a living Frankenstein afterwards. But neither his grasp nor his ability to stand are impaired, and when the surgeons are done he picks up his sword once again and returns to active duty. One day, he'll tell his daughter the story of how he sat outside for a season as thirty Giant Spiders tore him apart and still lived to tell the tale!
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...as if nothing really matters...
   
The Legend of Tholtig Cryptbrain: 8000 dead elves and a cyclops

Tired of going decades without goblin sieges? Try The Fortress Defense Mod
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