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[Girlinhat]

Maybe you just walked through the most lavish dining hall in the city, and were unhappy for the lack of a well.

Maybe you witnessed your family slaughtered before you, but were content with the waterfall you passed while hauling their individual limbs to the tombs.

Maybe you saw that cat, and found yourself smuggling it to your room despite the strict ban.

Maybe your blood alcohol content is skewed by the amount of lead and hornblende in your system, but you still complain that it's one type of alcohol.

Maybe you found yourself propositioning a stranger, if only he would trade you his finely crafted sock.

For whatever reason, you've found your way here.  The first step is to acknowledge you have a problem.  The second step is acknowledging that this problem cannot be solved with magma.  What brought you here today?  When did you realize that you had gone Too Deep?

[Vandersleld]

Last Timber I went outside to find a wild beehive. It was six months before I realized that the other beekeeper had already finished the job, and that I had just been standing on some random hilltop.

Worst thing is...*sob*...I KEPT STANDING THERE!

I...need...help... *breaks down*

[Syrup Roast]

Hello everyone my name is Urist McMayor, and I am addicted to crystal meth glass.

*therapy group gives a somber "Hello, Urist McMayor"*

I-... I can't stop... the fortress just has to have them.

[Ultimuh]

The walls.. They.. Should.. Gnnn... NOT CONTAIN SILLY IMAGES, VERMIN OR ANIMALS TAMED BY HUMANS/ELVES!
And don't even mention the statues!

..YE GODS THE STATUES!

Ultimuh Has Thrown a Tantrum!
*Tosses his chair clear across the room.*

I'm going to put that engraver/stoneworker in chains!

...

I.. I.. I Just want the mining colony to look nice.. Or.. or.. AT LEAST The DINING HALL!


*Sobs uncontrollably.*

[SirAaronIII]

Hello, everyone, my name is Aaron, and I'm a potter.
Recently, I was told to gather clay. But the clay gathering zone had cave fungi on it! So I yelled really loud, but nobody seemed to hear. I kept yelling and yelling until a cow came past and ate the fungi off the clay so I could see it.

[Naryar]

Hello, my name is Sigun and I am a soldier, miner, and mechanic.

I was wondering why my wife insisted to gather that X!!-troll fur sock-!!X outside, and then a goblin bowman appeared. Two more haulers were killed when trying to bring her corpse back

WHY, mayor ? WHY is death so unpredictable and irrational ? WHY did she had such a poor judgment all of a sudden ?

[Girlinhat]

Hello Sigun, while your loss is deeply and hilariously regrettable, you may find more luck in the A Note to Urist meeting next door.  We're collected here to discuss our strange addictions and voice our concerns for ourselves.

Actually I had meant for this thread to be "when did you realize you'd lost two feet of height and grown a beard?" but this is good too.

[BurnedToast]

.....this problem cannot be solved with magma. 

Individually I understand what each one of these words means. Together, I cannot comprehend them. The sentence has no more meaning then "blue anatomy mocrocline alarm clock turkey tyrotoxism"

Are you sure you're not an elf?

[Girlinhat]

This is why we're here.  It's ok, this is why we're here...

[Urist Imiknorris]

Hello, my name is Urist and I am addicted to cheese.

[NotPete]

Hello, my name is Urist McUristUrist. One day I noticed that I've been drinking the same type of booze for over 7 years. Following the advice of my neighbor Urist, I opened the conveniently placed, booze stock adjacent magma flood gates. The ensuing booze-splosin eliminated all of the idling, drinking, or eating dwarfs (that is to say, about 90%). The remaining dwarfs either starved themselves to death, jumped into the magma fountain, or went on a murderous rampage. Now I am the only one left in the fort and all I have to drink is water, and it sucks. How can I get some booze to drink?

[Necro910]

For whatever reason, you've found your way here.  The first step is to acknowledge you have a problem.  The second step is acknowledging that this problem cannot be solved with magma.  What brought you here today?  When did you realize that you had gone Too Deep?

You obviously haven't applied enough magma.

[antymattar]

For whatever reason, you've found your way here.  The first step is to acknowledge you have a problem.  The second step is acknowledging that this problem cannot be solved with magma.  What brought you here today?  When did you realize that you had gone Too Deep?

You obviously haven't applied enough magma.

WRONG! Apply more chickens!

[lanceleoghauni]

Magma Chickens?

[Necro910]

Magma Chickens?

HUZZAH!