My updates are almost as random and sporadic as MSPA's! Also, I'll be in new york until Sunday, so I won't be able to update until then.
use powers of incompetence to dig under the orc and touch stone
You ready your pickaxe to dig below the floor and underneath your opponent. (4+1) You dig a hole down, somehow, even though you are in a goddamn building, and underneath the orc. You don't reach the stone though. (4, 3=3.5) The orc jumps down after you. And then attacks. (1, 6=3.5) (dodge:3) He hits you lightly in the (BP:3) stomach with his fist, (damage:5-1-1), knocking you down and winding you. He says, "I told you, seņor, do not mess with me. You will be destroyed by the might of the Luchador." You take the opportunity to attack! (3+1) (dodge:4, 5=4.5) He moves out of the way of your axe, (1) and you hit the tunnel wall, (damage:6+1) collapsing the five feet of stone on both of you. (damage:4-1, 3) You are both a little hurt, and trapped in the ground.
Nice job.
STAND NEAR THE PALADIN MENACINGLY, LIKE A PIRATE.
"I am Torir the Fallen, newly adopted Prince of Kraltnth, single-handed defeater of the dread lich formerly in control of the Plane of Death, who fought his way free from control by Rnarsthoth, who is owed favors by Death himself, and hand-picked by an immortal planeswalker of unimaginable power for the task of saving the multiverse. Defeating you would be a trivial task; you have ten seconds to convince me not to cut you down where you stand."
Bluff, then glare at them until Ax comes along.
"What? Who are you talking about?" Ax asked, genuinely confused for a second. What friends? I don't ha... OH. OH GODS. Hand already rising towards his forehead - just between his horns, a spot that was starting to look quite red against his pale skin by now - he turned to see the paladin being confronted by a pair of evil-doers. *SMACK* His hand finished its inevitable journey with a painful, resounding slap of flesh against flesh, and he groaned in frustration. Why? Why me? I thought for once in my frickin' life I could be the hero. Just once, one frickin' time, I could do something nice for the world and maybe get a little respect for a change. No, what I frickin' get is rejected in favor of frickin' krakens and the frickin' pleasure of escorting a frickin' paladin through the frickin' plane of frickin' shadow.
His hand trailed down his face to fall limply at his side, and he sighed. Ah, shite. Guess I'd better try to negotiate this before limbs start flying, whether they're his or theirs. He clenched his fists, took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves, and walked over to the happy couple. "Step off," he said. "This guy's with me and my pirate friend." He gestured with a thumb over his shoulder at Big Jo; he was a small guy himself so he appreciated the value of having some serious muscle with him. "If you want some trouble it'll have to wait. My pals and I got more important things to do than mess with a pair of small timers. Outta the way."
You all intimidate your brains out. Like only a group of really scary people can. (6+1, 5, 5) And succeed. Oh, boy, do you succeed. The woman passes out, and the man flees the store, whimpering in terror. He's probably going to get some new pants. The little human cowers, and says, "P-please, r-r-release me! Th-they c-captured me and m-my family! M-my wife and d-daughters! They k-keep them in th-their ap-p-partment in the underdome! I c-can l-lead you th-th-there! J-just don't k-k-kill me!" He gestures at the woman. "Sh-she has p-p-plenty of g-gold! And more at th-the h-h-house! Y-you can t-t-take all of it! J-just free m-me and my f-f-family!" The shopkeeper comes over, and says, in a vary unimpressed tone, "Can you guys go now? Or buy some more stuff? Because you're scaring away my business." He takes out a wand and points it at you. "Make your decision now, please." (3 vs 2) Nirur becomes the body controller. Whoops.
"Because.Sword! I AM YOUR FATHER....Plus I'm your only way outa here. So Comon." Wait for Sword. Touch the stone. Make sure Frank gets the memo and comes along also
You talk to Sword. It says, "Fine. But only because I don't want to be stuck in this godsforsaken tower for the rest of eternity." Sword climbs onto your back and hold on. You call Frank over, and he grabs your hand. Then you press your palm to the indentation. A human voice calls to you, "
Hey! I was taking a nap, you know. Oh, fine. I'm the wizard who owns this tower. Yeah. Um... Thanks for activating the stone of balance. So... Yeah. I'll send you to one of the other heroes. The golem, I suppose. In 5... 4... 3.. 2... 1..." You feel a wrenching sensation, and are suddenly looking into the back of a mind flayer's head. On principle, you draw SAM and shoot him at point-blank range. (2+1+1) (dodge:2-1) You shoot it in the (BP:6) neck, (damage:4+3) blowing its head off of its body. You see Schilcote looking at you in astonishment after the body collapses.
OH NO U DIDN'T
ROBO-BRUTHAS! TODAY, THE ENEMY IS AT OUR DOOR. WE KNOW OUR DUTY AND WE WILL DO IT
Ban some lifes.
I don't think we'll need to activate the other r00b00ts, actually. I can deal with four mind flayers.
You take out life-ban, just in time to see one of the mind flayers' heads explode. The Alchemist is standing behind it, grinning like a madman. He has a bug-thing on his back, and is holding the hand of a gnome-robot with sword arms. Cool. There are other, more pressing matters, however. Like lives that need banning. You charge the nearest monster, and swing Lifeban. (4+1) (dodge:6) It leaps over your swing, and (4) slices at your head with a pair of glowing daggers. (dodge:3) It hits you in the (BP:5) right arm, (damage:1) but the daggers simply bounce off your iron skin. Out of the corner of your eye, you see PHAT LEWT grow sword-arms, and charge a mind flayer holding a large sword. (6) (dodge:4) He connects, slicing at the mind flayer's (BP:5) left side. (damage:5+1) He cuts its arm off. Like a boss. (5-1) The mind flayer swings its longsword one-handed, (dodge:6) but P.L. ducks under the blow, (1) and moves back from the fray. The twins are completely unequipped for the battle, and are simply trying to dodge the bolts of fire the third Illithid is shooting. (5) (dodge:1+1) Kafired is hit by a bolt in the (BP:2) chest! (damage:4+1) He is thrown against a wall. (luck:5) Luckily, his clothes don't catch. (1) The Illithid is too busy laughing to notice that Akituhub picked up the dead monster's bow, and is preparing to shoot. (6) (dodge:1) His aim is true, and the arrow hits the monster's (BP:5) left arm, (damage:4+2) going through the arm and into the body, (luck:2) where it misses any important organs.
Statuses:
Species: Mutant
Description: A "Being" That stands like a man, the size of a man, but covered with horrible burns and an alchemists robe
Profession: Alchemist/Mad Scientest
Background: He once was a man. Atleast he thinks so. But what he does remember is his knack for mixing up chemicals and herbs, always trying to find that perfect mix. But he has suffered his fair share of accidents in the lab
Home Plane: Astral Plane
Abilities:
Master Alchemist,
Mad Alchemist,
Astral Denizen,
Well-Read,
flightMutations:
Alchemical Immunities,
Four Arms,
Inventory:
Bottle Sling,
Good Chemistry Set,
Leather Robes,
Phial of enchanted gas,
Doctor's Bag, Plague Doctor Mask, Iron Dagger, 5 gp,
SAM, Infinity doses of
Wizard's Wallbanger, Mild Hallucinogen (10 doses),
SwordSpells:
Spined Hands,
Firebolt,
Thriller,
Name: Axolisin Sathael. He prefers being called Ax or Sin since he thinks it's awesome.
Species: Tiefling
Description: Short, pale, and skinny. He stands about 5'5 and 120 pounds. His hair and eyes are pure black and his pure white skin has light gray spots across it. His horns are goat-like. He spends a lot of time moping and figures since he's just so mistreated he can do whatever he wants.
Profession: Thief
Background: He's been kicked around his entire life as you might expect and resorted to thievery since Tieflings are branded as thieves and untrustworthy anyway. He's very small time and hasn't progressed much beyond mugging, purse stealing, pickpocketing, and robbing the poor.
Home Plane: Plane of Shadow
Inventory:
Steel Daggers,
Throwing Daggers,
Good Lockpicks,
Magic Ring,
Black Leather Armor,
Deadly Poison,
Self-propelled throwing discs, Thieves' Guild License, Ring of Invisibility, [+1 to accuracy and damage, can hit multiple enemies]Boomerang Dagger[/acronym],
Grappling hookAbilities:
Burglar,
Good Eyes,
Denizen of Shadow,
Fancy Horns,
Trap MasterHealth: Fine
Species: Golem
Description: Created as a result of DRUNK THAUMATOLOGY!. Was intended to have humanlike personality and intellgence. Doesn't talk much, but isn't stupid. Has no goals of his own besides survival, goes around helping people with various things for lack of a better purpose. Will do anything asked of him unless he has a reason not to (if it conflicts with an existing goal or his basic morality). Lawful Good (as in lawful as the opposite of chaotic). Extremely logical and unemotional. Dislikes entropic behavior. Is good with machines (clockwork and a bit of early steam power, I guess).
When he does talk, it sounds something like the above paragraph.
Profession: None. See above. Requires no food and builds his own shelter, and has very little interest in material goods.
Background: See description.
Home Plane: Material Plane.
Inventory:
Lifeban,
Toolkit, 15 gp,
Magitek Manuals, Foot Jets (5 continuous turns/20 hops),
Sonar Cannon Guitar., Cool Shades
Abilities:
Pneumatic Joints,
Simple Personality,
Material Plane Denizen,
Oh Captain My Captain,
Armor PlatingHealth: Fine
This character brought to you thanks to the wonderful racial descriptions.
Species: Aasimar
Description: Lawful Neutral, almost Lawful Stupid. He firmly believes in the tenets of his faith, and is willing to die to uphold them. Was split into Nirur and Torir, god and evil respectively. A god of good put them back together, and they now are essentially one person with two minds.
Profession: Paladin.
Background: His people believe themselves to be the only true guardians of the material plane; the best way to help the mortal inhabitants of said plane is by not touching anything. Obviously this is what The Creator had in mind, and any who meddle in the plane, and therefore blaspheme The Creator, are to be punished severely.
After three decades of military service (doing nothing), he has been sent out as a sort of test to determine the extent of the planer distortion, fix it if possible, find the perpetrators, deliver justice, then report back.
Home Plane: Ethereal Plane.
Abilities:
Nirur:
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking,
Righteous Fury,
Torir:
Puppy Kicker,
Evil BastardBoth:
Ethereal Denizen,
Split PersonalityInventory:
Variably Holy Longsword,
Variably Holy Symbol Full Plate Armor,
Enchanted Ring, 50 gp Scary Dagger
Name: Jo'Ldza (Big Jo)
Species: Orc
Description: We'sn orcs may be deesa jerks, but we's still hassda jobs. I'mn A big ork. Got'sa bald head, with red eyes and wella build a'ms. I'sa been a kaptain for more dan' twenn'y yea's. I 'elp keep the balance wit' mah krew.
Profession: Kaptain of an orc sailing ship
Background: Grew up on a sailing boat with his brother, who was also a kaptain. inherited kaptain'ism and crew from his brother when he died.
Home Plane: Water Plane
Abilities:
Sailor,
Swashbuckler Water Plane Denizen,
Dinghy PilotInventory:
Good Half-Rapier, Shirt, Pants,
Magic Coin Necklace, Ring of Fireball,
The ARRRRm, 85 gp
Species: dwarf
Name: Azrael
Description: a short sturdy creature fond of drink and industry
Profession: blacksmith
Bio: got tired of digging and wants adventure
Home: earth plane
Abilities:
Dwarven Smith,
Drink and Industry,
Earth Plane Denizen,
Avatar of RnasthothInventory:
-Copper Pick / Axe-, Leather clothes, Blacksmith's tools, Mining helmet
Allies:
You kind of made his house into your flying machine, so he decided to tag along. He is now going all fangirl over Schilcote, who he sees as almost a demigod of mechanics.
Abilities:
Master Mechanic,
Old ManInventory: The entire contents of his house, which you made into a flying machine.
You saved them from some pirates. Yay!
Abilities:
Powder Monkeys,
Kids,
Air Plane NativesInventory:Clothes
Schilcote's Robobro.
Abilities: Unknown.
Vehicles:
The house part belongs to the gnome mechanic, the flying mechanism belongs to Schilcote, the fueling system was made by Riccto. It runs on air and can easily break the sound barrier. It will almost never break. Schilcote can planejump the ship, but will have -1 on all actions in the next turn.
First floor: Workshop, door outside, kitchen
Second Floor: Nirur's room (one cannon - left), Spare bedroom (one cannon - right), Engine room
Third floor: Spare bedroom, cockpit (two cannons - forward), Iali Boltcut's room, ladder to roof, Grav Cannon
Roof:
Pouting TieflingAx's "room",
Badass FlameTurret, Two swivelling cannons, Big Light
Special:
Shield Projector,
Air Generator,
Energy Generator,
Unbreakable drill, Mapquest Generator,
Bought by Schilcote to keep Big Jo happy. Flies as fast as you can row it (with the orc alone? Pretty fast.), enchantment is permanent.
Vortices Found: Stones Activated:
Plane of Death √ √
Abyss √
Plane of Water √ √
Mechanus √
Celestia √ √
Wizard's Tower √ √
Generic Asian Dojo √
Author
Topic: RTPJ: Tis belongs to Schil now. Have fun. (Read 89891 times)