Wow...... Remove pick from foot........ Now!
You reach to grab the pick from your foot. (6) Hey! You got it out! And yanked it so hard that it's flying at your head! (dodge:2) It hits you in the (BP:6) neck, (damage:6+1) and wow you suck at this. You are now impaled through the NECK on the wall. (4) But still perfectly conscious. (3) And only bleeding relatively mildly. Apparently it missed all major nerves and veins. So, now you're stuck in the wall by the neck instead of the floor by the foot. Not much of an improvement. (4, 1) The ninja with the leg wound bleeds to death while you fail at life, but the one with the missing arm stands up and looks at you. "The sheer
incompetence! Could it be...? An avatar of our lord Rnarsthoth?" He runs off down the tunnel. Great. You're apparently enough of a failure that you count as a demigod.
"You go 'head an buy sometin' ax, I'll wait here, go kill summun fo' money."
Get money
I'm really not sure what you mean by this command so I'm going to assume that it means "go out and mug some guy". You look around outside the shop for a suitable alleyway, and lurk. (1) A weedy-looking guy comes past in rich clothes, and you jump out at him waving your sword. He glares at you. "
Puny mortal. You know not with whom you are meddling. Bow before Rnarsthoth, demon lord of incompetence!" He points at you with a suddenly green and warty hand. (1) And, true to his title, is massively incompetent. His spell backfires, and he begins to vomit slugs. Amazing. You reach out with your sword to stab this little runt, (6-1) (dodge:6) but he amazingly manages to cause you to swing at the air next to him. "
Seriously, could you please go away? My life sucks enough as it is without some orc bastard swinging a halfsword at me."
IT IS NOT MY BRAND OF UNHOLY ABOMINATION SO IT MUST DIIIIIEEEE
You swing Sword at the creature of insects and flame! (2+1) (dodge:4) The flaming monstrosity moves out of the way of Sword, (2+1) (dodge:1) and into the way of SAM, (BP:5, 5) getting hit on the upper left arm. (damage:5+1) You lop off that arm like a... Thingy that... cuts off arms? Yeah. And then you try to breathe flame at him. And realize that the potion has worn off. Unfortunately, your arms that would have gotten out your mug of epic have been destroyed by your own
incompetence, so... The monster strikes with his flaming pincers! (4) (dodge:2) He hits you in the (BP:1) head, (damage:4+1) slashing open your temple (6) and setting your hood ablaze. (Riccto!fire:3) The fire on you doesn't spread, but it's getting really annoying. (Monster!fire:6) On the monster, the fire continues to blaze merrily, (damage:5) (BP:5, 2) burning off his lower left arm.
INITIATE ASS-WHOOPING PROCEDURES
STOP CHANGING FORMS DAMNNIT
Ass-whooping is go. You play a power chord on your guitar, (2) (dodge:1) amazingly hitting the cannon-formerly-known-as-dragon (BP:1) right down the barrel, (damage:5+3) causing more explosions. Seriously, you do way too much damage to this thing. It seems to have been reduced to a lone robot, which is trying to fly towards you. (5) It makes it to the edge of the forcefield and sits there.
"Uh, aren't you going to smite her while she's down?"
Deal with it yourself, since you seem so certain that you don't need me.
"... Powers that keep these things going: Ensure my power keeps flowing. The unholy one's will mustn't foot this last bill.
DIAGA!!"
Control Undead! (Mostly, I just need to know exactly where the stone is so I can jump to it. If I manage to get a boss as a minion out of it, all the better.)
Since the power that courses trough this plane runs on rhyme, you get a +1 bonus to this! Yay! You hold up your amulet, and focus your power through it onto the unconscious monster. (4+1+1-2 vs 3) You can hear her thoughts, but not control her. She's just too powerful. You hear in your mind,
Damn! The incompetence! I... He... No! No stay out stay out stay out! You are pushed out, but not before you see the stone. It's in the center of the maze that starts at the end of the hallway. You couldn't see the path through though... (6) The lich stands up and raises her arms, preparing to cast another spell! "
You thought you could control me? You were mistaken. You can hear these sweet rhymes, and your body it be quakin'. Feel my pain, as I gain, from your power drain!" (1) [[I am seriously beginning to believe in Rnasthoth. The
incompetence here is amazing.]] A bolt of black energy shoots from her arms, into the floor underneath her. It disintegrates, and she falls through. (luck:3) onto a stone floor 20 feet below. (damage:2) she looks fine, but slumps on the floor.
Hmm, let's see... with what I already had, that gives me 310 GP... He looked around for a magical trinket of some sort, preferably a small necklace, that would increase his accuracy. If he could find one, he'd buy it and give the leftover GP to Jo; if he couldn't find one he would just give Jo 150 GP to mess around with.
You search the store for some kind of magic accuracy amulet. (2) You find nothing of the sort. Amazing. It's like some force of
incompetence is slowly gaining in power. You look around for Big Jo, (5) and find him outside glaring at a demon with green skin. He looks at you. "
Oh. Kaskh's kid. how's your dad been? Say Hi to him."
Statuses:
Species: Mutant
Description: A "Being" That stands like a man, the size of a man, but covered with horrible burns and an alchemists robe
Profession: Alchemist/Mad Scientest
Background: He once was a man. Atleast he thinks so. But what he does remember is his knack for mixing up chemicals and herbs, always trying to find that perfect mix. But he has suffered his fair share of accidents in the lab
Home Plane: Astral Plane
Abilities:
Master Alchemist,
Mad Alchemist,
Astral Denizen,
Well-Read,
flightMutations:
Alchemical Immunities,
Four Arms,
Inventory:
Bottle Sling,
Good Chemistry Set,
Leather Robes,
Phial of enchanted gas,
Doctor's Bag, Plague Doctor Mask, Iron Dagger, 5 gp,
SAM, Infinity doses of
Wizard's Wallbanger, Mild Hallucinogen (10 doses),
SwordSpells:
Spined Hands,
Firebolt,
Thriller,
Name: Axolisin Sathael. He prefers being called Ax or Sin since he thinks it's awesome.
Species: Tiefling
Description: Short, pale, and skinny. He stands about 5'5 and 120 pounds. His hair and eyes are pure black and his pure white skin has light gray spots across it. His horns are goat-like. He spends a lot of time moping and figures since he's just so mistreated he can do whatever he wants.
Profession: Thief
Background: He's been kicked around his entire life as you might expect and resorted to thievery since Tieflings are branded as thieves and untrustworthy anyway. He's very small time and hasn't progressed much beyond mugging, purse stealing, pickpocketing, and robbing the poor.
Home Plane: Plane of Shadow
Inventory:
Steel Daggers,
Throwing Daggers,
Good Lockpicks,
Magic Ring,
Black Leather Armor,
Deadly Poison,
Self-propelled throwing discs, Thieves' Guild License, Ring of Invisibility, 60 gp
Abilities:
Burglar,
Good Eyes,
Denizen of Shadow,
Fancy Horns,
Trap MasterHealth: Fine
Species: Golem
Description: Created as a result of DRUNK THAUMATOLOGY!. Was intended to have humanlike personality and intellgence. Doesn't talk much, but isn't stupid. Has no goals of his own besides survival, goes around helping people with various things for lack of a better purpose. Will do anything asked of him unless he has a reason not to (if it conflicts with an existing goal or his basic morality). Lawful Good (as in lawful as the opposite of chaotic). Extremely logical and unemotional. Dislikes entropic behavior. Is good with machines (clockwork and a bit of early steam power, I guess).
When he does talk, it sounds something like the above paragraph.
Profession: None. See above. Requires no food and builds his own shelter, and has very little interest in material goods.
Background: See description.
Home Plane: Material Plane.
Inventory:
Lifeban,
Toolkit, 15 gp,
Magitek Manuals, Foot Jets (5 continuous turns/20 hops),
Sonar Cannon Guitar., Cool Shades
Abilities:
Pneumatic Joints,
Simple Personality,
Material Plane Denizen,
Oh Captain My Captain,
Armor PlatingHealth: Fine
This character brought to you thanks to the wonderful racial descriptions.
Species: Aasimar
Description: Lawful Neutral, almost Lawful Stupid. He firmly believes in the tenets of his faith, and is willing to die to uphold them. Was split into Nirur and Torir, god and evil respectively. A god of good put them back together, and they now are essentially one person with two minds.
Profession: Paladin.
Background: His people believe themselves to be the only true guardians of the material plane; the best way to help the mortal inhabitants of said plane is by not touching anything. Obviously this is what The Creator had in mind, and any who meddle in the plane, and therefore blaspheme The Creator, are to be punished severely.
After three decades of military service (doing nothing), he has been sent out as a sort of test to determine the extent of the planer distortion, fix it if possible, find the perpetrators, deliver justice, then report back.
Home Plane: Ethereal Plane.
Abilities:
Nirur:
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking,
Righteous Fury,
Torir:
Puppy Kicker,
Evil BastardBoth:
Ethereal Denizen,
Split PersonalityInventory:
Variably Holy Longsword,
Variably Holy Symbol Full Plate Armor,
Enchanted Ring, 50 gp Scary Dagger
Name: Jo'Ldza (Big Jo)
Species: Orc
Description: We'sn orcs may be deesa jerks, but we's still hassda jobs. I'mn A big ork. Got'sa bald head, with red eyes and wella build a'ms. I'sa been a kaptain for more dan' twenn'y yea's. I 'elp keep the balance wit' mah krew.
Profession: Kaptain of an orc sailing ship
Background: Grew up on a sailing boat with his brother, who was also a kaptain. inherited kaptain'ism and crew from his brother when he died.
Home Plane: Water Plane
Abilities:
Sailor,
Swashbuckler Water Plane Denizen,
Dinghy Pilot, One-armed Man
Inventory:
Good Half-Rapier, Shirt, Pants,
Magic Coin Necklace, Ring of Fireball
Species: dwarf
Name: Azrael
Description: a short sturdy creature fond of drink and industry
Profession: blacksmith
Bio: got tired of digging and wants adventure
Home: earth plane
Abilities:
Dwarven Smith,
Drink and Industry,
Earth Plane DenizenInventory:
-Copper Pick / Axe-, Leather clothes, Blacksmith's tools, Mining helmet
Allies:
You kind of made his house into your flying machine, so he decided to tag along. He is now going all fangirl over Schilcote, who he sees as almost a demigod of mechanics.
Abilities:
Master Mechanic,
Old ManInventory: The entire contents of his house, which you made into a flying machine.
You saved them from some pirates. Yay!
Abilities:
Powder Monkeys,
Kids,
Air Plane NativesInventory:Clothes
A mindless cannon robot the size of a man. Has a shoulder-mounted badass cannon.
Abilities: Never runs out of gunpowder.
Inventory:
11 corrosive gas shells, 23 normal cannonballs
Vehicles:
The house part belongs to the gnome mechanic, the flying mechanism belongs to Schilcote, the fueling system was made by Riccto. It runs on air and can easily break the sound barrier. It will almost never break. Schilcote can planejump the ship, but will have -1 on all actions in the next turn.
First floor: Workshop, door outside, kitchen
Second Floor: Nirur's room (one cannon - left), Spare bedroom (one cannon - right), Engine room
Third floor: Spare bedroom, cockpit (two cannons - forward), Iali Boltcut's room, ladder to roof, Grav Cannon
Roof:
Pouting TieflingAx's "room",
Badass FlameTurret, Two swivelling cannons, Big Light
Special:
Shield Projector,
Air Generator,
Energy Generator,
Unbreakable drill, Mapquest Generator,
Bought by Schilcote to keep Big Jo happy. Flies as fast as you can row it (with the orc alone? Pretty fast.), enchantment is permanent.
Vortices Found: Stones Activated:
Plane of Death √
Abyss √
Plane of Water √ √
Mechanus √
Celestia √ √
Wizard's Tower √
Generic Asian Dojo √
Author
Topic: RTPJ: Tis belongs to Schil now. Have fun. (Read 89519 times)