It seems like the totally not Japanese temple is cursed. D. Rex has 1 turn to post before he dies.
Mother fucking stab those tentacles
RAAAAAGH! (3+1+1) (dodge:4) You hit the tentacles! (damage:1+2) You only scratch the beast though. And made it angry. It lashes out at you with several tentacles! (5, 5, 5) (dodge:1, 3, 4) All three hit, one especially hard! (BP:5, 6, 2) You get hit hard in the right arm, and reasonably well in the chest and throat! (6+1, 6+1, 6) ... Yeah... That's not good. You don't feel anything, because you're unconscious! Yay! (Luck:4) You wake up in a dank cavern (still underwater). There are some merpeople there watching you. One sees you wake up and says, "We have saved you from the Dark Deep One. But you lost your arm in the battle. And most of your belongings were lost to the tides. All that you had when we found you was half of your sword, your shirt and pants, and your necklace. It was a brave effort, but the Dark Deep One takes all. Our mages were able to stop your bleeding, but your arm is lost." And so it is. Your arm is missing from the middle of the upper arm down. That sucks. The merman speaks again. "We took you to our roost in the Depths. The Stone of Balance told us to. It is through the Maze of Fear. You might want to go now."
Urghh, what was I planning to do next...
Ah yes.
Actually no, we don't need a paranoid, obsessive-compulsive 80 year old man on this ship.
Construct a MOTHERFUCKING TELEFORCE.
If I have any spare time, build a wormhole generator & control system which will allow me to instantly travel to any place that the Emet has the co-ordinates for (i.e. has been to) at any time, on any plane, in any universe.
Wormhole generators are easy to construct, it's just power that's a problem. But not for me, of course. The control computer, though, will need to be made of magitek, since it needs to warp reality in all sorts of fun ways.
You decide to build a lightning throwing cannon. (4+2) (6+1) And, as usual, you know. +1 to usefulness and efficiency and +2 to power because of Iali's awesome engineering. But with great power comes great insanity, so you get an insanity roll for this one. (5) Luckily, you don't go mad. (power:5+2) Yeah. Self-explanatory. This thing could blow holes in the universe. (size:2) And it's about the size of a rocket launcher. So, handheld for you. (usefulness:4+1) Sturdy. (efficiency:3+1) And it can shoot twenty times before running out of juice. Unplugged, that is. Because this is one awesome gun. (5+2) And you think of a way to make the jump more efficient. MUCH more efficient. But no time travel. The energy from the jump shoots into your body, making you better at things for one turn after the jump. You are a badass. And now you DECIDE TO LEAVE FOR MECHANUS. NOW. Because the people in that afterlife kicked you out when they realized that you weren't dead. You are now hovering above the mountain with the Stone on it. You don't see anything.
BURN EVERYONE. oh and Fred fires his cannon at stuff.
You grin and take another drink of the Wallbanger. This stuff is GOOD! Time to burn. You breathe fire at the priest while shooting magic at the changeling. (1) Your flamebreath goes wide and flies at Fred! (dodge:5) He gets out of the way of the flames. (2) (dodge:2) And you hit the changeling with the side of the fireball, right in the (BP:1) FACE! (damage:3+1-1) She looks shaken, and can't manage to attack you. Fred shoots at the priest (3) (dodge:3) And hits him with a glancing blow on the (BP:6) right arm. (damage:1-1) How can a fucking cannonball do no damage to a priest? Godsdamn. The priest sees Fred as more of a threat and swing his sword! (3) (dodge:5) Fred ducks out of the way easily. It looks like there's something really fancy going on in the circle in the middle. Floating runes and shit. Wow.
Ha! I killed the minions surrounding the boss with a {1}. Most excellent.
"I accept your challenge. Should I win, I want your help to find and activate the stone I seek for this bizarre quest, and I leave without a fight."
Please stop looking at it ... And stop making deals with evil liches. You just agreed to a contest with an evil creature with a blank check penalty for losing. Torir twitches and grimaces briefly before managing to control himself. Oh gods, please get me back out of here before I end up serving this lich for centuries until an adventuring party comes through and ends my torment.
"Alright then." The lich snaps hir (Don't you just love that pronoun?) fingers, and the illusion you were standing in is dispelled. Or maybe a new one appears. Whatever. The lich is now wearing a hooded robe with magical runes, and holding a Wand of Voice Amplification. There's a crowd of various undead surrounding you, and another WoVA on a stick in front of you. The lich says, "Since I'm the challenged one, I'll start the round...
"
Well look at this shit, a Paladin in my crib, thinkin' he hot in his platemail bib. You walk like a giant but are hung like a gnome, and all the bitches in your crew be after MY bone. Your broadsword's more like a tooth pick. Detect evil? Bitch, try that on me and my stink will just make you sick. I radiate evil, got more class features than soldiers in Vietnam. You got your special mount? Bitch that's my name for your MOM. You got D10 HD, bitch I roll D12s, more magic than elves, more power than the hells. I'm dropping d6s like an avalanche, casting save or die spells that'll make you blanch. Face it my friend, your backs to the wall. I don't need a moral dilemma to make YOUR ass fall. They call me DJ Phylactery; scourge of destiny master of arcane epiphany. Who you fools think you are, tryin' to bust a cap in me? Rollin' through my dungeon lookin' to plunder, tryin' to steal my thunder its a wonder you made it past my traps at all; the spiked wall, the acid pit, I got so many minions I'm swimming in kobold shit! But my greatest weapon's my wit, and y'all bit off more'n you can chew, so draw those +3 butter knives and let me serve you!"
Oh. Oh shit. You better think up some sweet rhymes fast.
"Yeah? Well you can kiss my Ahzz!" Ax retorted. That was a good one! Now to cripple his morale! "Just who in the hells do you think you're facing? I'm Axolisin Sathael, better known as Sin! King of thieves and slayer of assassins! When you hear people whisper in fear of the son of Demon Lord Kaskh, they're talking about me!" he yelled, drawing two of his throwing knives in such a manner as to catch the light with a blinding flash. "If you don't get out of my way I'm going to ram right through you!" he yelled, charging forward and throwing the knives, then immediately drawing his daggers as he closed distance, preparing to strike in the legs to return that whip blow a moment ago.
You give an amazing speech, (4+1) [Note: You don't get the intimidation bonus for the horns or the Denizen of Shadow because he's a godsdamned demon lord] and the demon lord looks intimidated! (-1 to his actions) You throw two of your knives at him! (5+1, 4+1) (dodge:3-1, 2-1) Both strike true and hard, (BP:4, 1) one to his right leg and the other to his face. (damage:6+2, 5+3) Both his leg and head fly off. What? "No! Don't look at me! Great and mighty! Ahzz! I'll give you a medal! A job! A Ring of Intelligence! I'll help you find your way home!" The rest of him falls apart and a tiny imp rolls out. The Great and Mighty Ahzz? Just an imp? Pay no attention to the imp in the suit?
(AI:1) Call out to monsters to come and get me!
(2) Thankfully, you can't attract any beasts. That is good. You sit in the dark and wait for death to come.
Statuses:
Species: Mutant
Description: A "Being" That stands like a man, the size of a man, but covered with horrible burns and an alchemists robe
Profession: Alchemist/Mad Scientest
Background: He once was a man. Atleast he thinks so. But what he does remember is his knack for mixing up chemicals and herbs, always trying to find that perfect mix. But he has suffered his fair share of accidents in the lab
Home Plane: Astral Plane
Abilities:
Master Alchemist,
Mad Alchemist,
Astral Denizen,
Well-Read,
flightMutations:
Alchemical Immunities,
Four Arms,
Inventory:
Bottle Sling,
Good Chemistry Set,
Leather Robes,
Phial of enchanted gas,
Doctor's Bag, Plague Doctor Mask, Iron Dagger, 5 gp,
SAM, Infinity doses of
Wizard's Wallbanger, Mild Hallucinogen (10 doses),
SwordSpells:
Spined Hands,
Firebolt,
Thriller,
Name: Axolisin Sathael. He prefers being called Ax or Sin since he thinks it's awesome.
Species: Tiefling
Description: Short, pale, and skinny. He stands about 5'5 and 120 pounds. His hair and eyes are pure black and his pure white skin has light gray spots across it. His horns are goat-like. He spends a lot of time moping and figures since he's just so mistreated he can do whatever he wants.
Profession: Thief
Background: He's been kicked around his entire life as you might expect and resorted to thievery since Tieflings are branded as thieves and untrustworthy anyway. He's very small time and hasn't progressed much beyond mugging, purse stealing, pickpocketing, and robbing the poor.
Home Plane: Plane of Shadow
Inventory:
Steel Daggers,
Throwing Daggers,
Good Lockpicks,
Magic Ring,
Black Leather Armor,
Deadly Poison,
Self-propelled throwing discs, 60 gp
Abilities:
Burglar,
Good Eyes,
Denizen of Shadow,
Fancy Horns,
Trap MasterHealth: Fine
Species: Golem
Description: Created as a result of DRUNK THAUMATOLOGY!. Was intended to have humanlike personality and intellgence. Doesn't talk much, but isn't stupid. Has no goals of his own besides survival, goes around helping people with various things for lack of a better purpose. Will do anything asked of him unless he has a reason not to (if it conflicts with an existing goal or his basic morality). Lawful Good (as in lawful as the opposite of chaotic). Extremely logical and unemotional. Dislikes entropic behavior. Is good with machines (clockwork and a bit of early steam power, I guess).
When he does talk, it sounds something like the above paragraph.
Profession: None. See above. Requires no food and builds his own shelter, and has very little interest in material goods.
Background: See description.
Home Plane: Material Plane.
Inventory:
Lifeban,
Toolkit, 15 gp,
Magitek Manuals, Foot Jets (5 continuous turns/20 hops),
Sonar Cannon Guitar., Cool Shades
Abilities:
Pneumatic Joints,
Simple Personality,
Material Plane Denizen,
Oh Captain My Captain,
Armor PlatingHealth: Fine
This character brought to you thanks to the wonderful racial descriptions.
Species: Aasimar
Description: Lawful Neutral, almost Lawful Stupid. He firmly believes in the tenets of his faith, and is willing to die to uphold them. Was split into Nirur and Torir, god and evil respectively. A god of good put them back together, and they now are essentially one person with two minds.
Profession: Paladin.
Background: His people believe themselves to be the only true guardians of the material plane; the best way to help the mortal inhabitants of said plane is by not touching anything. Obviously this is what The Creator had in mind, and any who meddle in the plane, and therefore blaspheme The Creator, are to be punished severely.
After three decades of military service (doing nothing), he has been sent out as a sort of test to determine the extent of the planer distortion, fix it if possible, find the perpetrators, deliver justice, then report back.
Home Plane: Ethereal Plane.
Abilities:
Nirur:
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking,
Righteous Fury,
Torir:
Puppy Kicker,
Evil BastardBoth:
Ethereal Denizen,
Split PersonalityInventory:
Variably Holy Longsword,
Variably Holy Symbol Full Plate Armor,
Enchanted Ring, 50 gp Scary Dagger
Name: Jo'Ldza (Big Jo)
Species: Orc
Description: We'sn orcs may be deesa jerks, but we's still hassda jobs. I'mn A big ork. Got'sa bald head, with red eyes and wella build a'ms. I'sa been a kaptain for more dan' twenn'y yea's. I 'elp keep the balance wit' mah krew.
Profession: Kaptain of an orc sailing ship
Background: Grew up on a sailing boat with his brother, who was also a kaptain. inherited kaptain'ism and crew from his brother when he died.
Home Plane: Water Plane
Abilities:
Sailor,
Swashbuckler Water Plane Denizen,
Dinghy Pilot, One-armed Man
Inventory:
Good Half-Rapier, Shirt, Pants,
Magic Coin NecklaceName: Xibalba Razormane
Species: Tiefling
Description: 5'4" Female 120 Lbs, murky red skin/scales?, black eyes. Tail has natural nail spikes through the end, with a red rag tied over it to mask them. Armed with a dranaginat and two sets of poison-tipped throwing spikes set to each wrist. She normally wears a strappy black banded leather armour, knee-high boots with spikes on the knees. She covers the top of her long black hair and most of her horns with a red cloth like a hood. As utility items she carries a bag of coated caltrops, a flash-bang, a small pot, and a wine-skin.
Profession: Rangeresque, part time bandit. Whatever keeps her stomach filled and her pockets filled in coins.
Background: Took to the forests from a young age. Fell in love with the flame, and chaos, so a lot of them burnt down at first. Learnt more neutral balance of life, then twisted it chaotic for her own means. If anything disturbs her peace she may kill it, she may let it pass. She takes what she wants and doesn't care about future consequences so long as her personal world is well arranged in her mind. She may burn down the whole forest and call it nature's balance as trees will grow back faster than ever in the fertile lands rich with the blood of her vanquished enemies. Studies plant life for poison tipping her weapons, the toxins make the people feel like they are burning alive, savage hunter (overhunts and wastes a lot, like may kill an entire herd of a farmer's sheep in bloodlust for one single mutton). Not opposed to eating sentient creatures.
Home Plane: Plane of Fire
Inventory:
Decent Fancy Asian Polearm,
Throwing Spikes, [-1 to anything you could want to do with them]Rusty, Broken Caltrops[/acronym],
Average Leather Armor, enchanted gloves
Abilities:
Fire Plane Native,
Spiky Tail,
Wanted in twelve sectorsAllies:
You kind of made his house into your flying machine, so he decided to tag along. He is now going all fangirl over Schilcote, who he sees as almost a demigod of mechanics.
Abilities:
Master Mechanic,
Old ManInventory: The entire contents of his house, which you made into a flying machine.
You saved them from some pirates. Yay!
Abilities:
Powder Monkeys,
Kids,
Air Plane NativesInventory:Clothes
A mindless cannon robot the size of a man. Has a shoulder-mounted badass cannon.
Abilities: Never runs out of gunpowder.
Inventory:
11 corrosive gas shells, 23 normal cannonballs
Vehicles:
The house part belongs to the gnome mechanic, the flying mechanism belongs to Schilcote, the fueling system was made by Riccto. It runs on air and can easily break the sound barrier. It will almost never break. Schilcote can planejump the ship, but will have -1 on all actions in the next turn.
First floor: Workshop, door outside, kitchen
Second Floor: Nirur's room (one cannon - left), Spare bedroom (one cannon - right), Engine room
Third floor: Spare bedroom, cockpit (two cannons - forward), Iali Boltcut's room, ladder to roof, Grav Cannon
Roof:
Pouting TieflingAx's "room",
Badass FlameTurret, Two swivelling cannons, Big Light
Special:
Shield Projector,
Air Generator,
Energy Generator,
Unbreakable drill, Mapquest Generator,
Bought by Schilcote to keep Big Jo happy. Flies as fast as you can row it (with the orc alone? Pretty fast.), enchantment is permanent.
Vortices Found: Stones Activated:
Plane of Death √
Abyss √
Plane of Water √
Mechanus √
Celestia √ √
Wizard's Tower √
Generic Asian Dojo √
Author
Topic: RTPJ: Tis belongs to Schil now. Have fun. (Read 87665 times)