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[choobakka]

You gonna post an action Riccto?

[Schilcote]

Also, try to keep my crew from commiting too many acts of terrorism.

[Riccto]

Would keep his own weapon at the ready, prepared for borders, but otherwise assist in the operation of the ship

[choobakka]

Dammit! I forgot to roll for the sanity check! Ah well...

[Riccto]

Darn. I wanted a mechanized flamethrower spider.

[Schilcote]

Dammit! I forgot to roll for the sanity check! Ah well...

Perhaps I, being the Only Sane Man, should mitigate sanity checks. After all, I can just order him not to do something crazy, or at least bring him back to his senses.

[choobakka]

Dammit! I forgot to roll for the sanity check! Ah well...

Perhaps I, being the Only Sane Man, should mitigate sanity checks. After all, I can just order him not to do something crazy, or at least bring him back to his senses.

That is probably a good idea. If you're working on something with him, he gets two sanity checks.

[Riccto]

And if both of those fail some type of penalty is incurred.

[Nirur Torir]

I rush over to grab my sword and, if possible, smite evil with it.

I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I'm terrible at fighting ... and pretty much everything else.

[choobakka]

Yeah, the fail factor will be 2 or less for those, so you have a 4/36, or 1/9, chance of failure, and therefore increased epic, if he's helping, instead of the 1/6 you would have normally.

[SeriousConcentrate]

Ax landed near the guys who had dodged his throwing daggers while drawing his weapons. "Time to die, bastards!" he yelled as he ducked past them to slash their legs and prevent them from standing. "Say hi to my dear old dad when you see him in the hells!"

[Bdthemag]

RIP THE CAPTAINS HEAD APART

[choobakka]

RIP THE CAPTAINS HEAD APART

What part of "exploded" do you fail to understand?

[choobakka]

RIP THE CAPTAINS HEAD APART

Wait, the captain's head exploded! Let get those ninja twins... (2+1+1) You charge at them! (dodge:3, 3) You swing your arms and smack both of them, hitting one in the (BP:6) sword arm and the other in the (BP:3) left leg. (damage:6+1+1, 5+1+1) Lets just say they won't be attacking you any time soon.

Ax landed near the guys who had dodged his throwing daggers while drawing his weapons. "Time to die, bastards!" he yelled as he ducked past them to slash their legs and prevent them from standing. "Say hi to my dear old dad when you see him in the hells!"

Never piss off the mutant you think to yourself as you land on the deck. You throw your dagger at the man fighting the Orc, (1) and miss. It flies towards Big Jo. (dodge:5-1) Even though he wasn't expecting it, he moves out of the way easily.

Would keep his own weapon at the ready, prepared for borders, but otherwise assist in the operation of the ship

(5) No boarders yet!

I'MA COAT THA FOOCKIN' SWA'D IN DA' PO'S'N, AND STAB YA! THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TA' GLEW YEW BACK TOGETHAR WHE'NI'MA DONE WIT'YA!

WAAAAAAAGH! (4) You pour the poison on your sword and attack! (6+1+1) (Dodge:4) You stab him right in the (BP:5) left arm! (damage:2+1) It looks like he's fine, but the poison courses through his bloodstream! You finish him off with a quick stab.

I rush over to grab my sword and, if possible, smite evil with it.

I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I'm terrible at fighting ... and pretty much everything else.

(6) You jump up and grab your sword from the ground! (3+1) You swing it in a wide arc, (dodge:4) and deliver a glancing blow to the leader in the (BP:6) sword arm! (damage:6+1) SMITE! His arm is cut off and his chest has a nasty gash in it! (4) A few of the dwarves surround you, and one swings his axe (3) (dodge:6-1), but you parry the blow and swipe back, (4+1) (dodge:2) Hitting him in the (BP:6) sword arm! (damage:4+1) Which is disabled!



Statuses:

Spoiler: Riccto (click to show/hide)

Species: Mutant
Description: A "Being" That stands like a man, the size of a man, but covered with horrible burns and an alchemists robe
Profession: Alchemist/Mad Scientest
Background:  He once was a man. Atleast he thinks so. But what he does remember is his knack for mixing up chemicals and herbs, always trying to find that perfect mix. But he has suffered his fair share of accidents in the lab
Home Plane: Astral Plane
Abilities: Master Alchemist, Mad Alchemist, Astral Denizen, Well-Read
Mutations: Alchemical Immunities, Four Arms,
Inventory: Bottle Sling, Good Chemistry Set, Leather Robes, Phial of enchanted gas, Iron Dagger, 15 gp
Spells: Spined Hands

Spoiler: SeriousConcentrate (click to show/hide)

Name: Axolisin Sathael. He prefers being called Ax or Sin since he thinks it's awesome.
Species: Tiefling
Description: Short, pale, and skinny. He stands about 5'5 and 120 pounds. His hair and eyes are pure black and his pure white skin has light gray spots across it. His horns are goat-like. He spends a lot of time moping and figures since he's just so mistreated he can do whatever he wants.
Profession: Thief
Background: He's been kicked around his entire life as you might expect and resorted to thievery since Tieflings are branded as thieves and untrustworthy anyway. He's very small time and hasn't progressed much beyond mugging, purse stealing, pickpocketing, and robbing the poor.
Home Plane: Plane of Shadow
Inventory: Steel Daggers, Throwing Daggers, Cheap Lockpicks, Black Leather Armor, Magic Ring, 150 gp
Abilities: Burglar, Good Eyes, Denizen of Shadow
Health: Fine

Spoiler: Schilcote (click to show/hide)

Species: Golem
Description: Created as a result of DRUNK THAUMATOLOGY!. Was intended to have humanlike personality and intellgence. Doesn't talk much, but isn't stupid. Has no goals of his own besides survival, goes around helping people with various things for lack of a better purpose. Will do anything asked of him unless he has a reason not to (if it conflicts with an existing goal or his basic morality). Lawful Good (as in lawful as the opposite of chaotic). Extremely logical and unemotional. Dislikes entropic behavior. Is good with machines (clockwork and a bit of early steam power, I guess).
When he does talk, it sounds something like the above paragraph.
Profession: None. See above. Requires no food and builds his own shelter, and has very little interest in material goods.
Background: See description.
Home Plane: Material Plane.
Inventory: Iron Maul, Toolkit, 15 gp, Magitek Manuals
Abilities: Pneumatic Joints, Simple Personality, Material Plane Denizen, Oh Captain My Captain
Health: Fine

Spoiler: bdthemag (click to show/hide)

Species: Mutant
Description: An ugly looking mutant who hates most people. Permanantly disguised as a beautiful woman.
Profession: A guard to a local inn.
Background: Created in a magic experiment gone wrong, he escaped and decided to live his live in a nearby city.
Home Plane: Material Plane
Mutations: Rhinocerous Skin, Claw Hands[acronym]
Abilities: Alcoholism, Brawler, Material Plane Denizen, Curse of Beauty
Inventory: Half-Brick in a Sock, 3 Empty Beer Bottles, Concealing clothes, Cursed Brass Knuckles

Spoiler: Nirur Torir (click to show/hide)

This character brought to you thanks to the wonderful racial descriptions.
Species: Aasimar
Description: Lawful Neutral, almost Lawful Stupid. He firmly believes in the tenets of his faith, and is willing to die to uphold them.
Profession: Paladin.
Background: His people believe themselves to be the only true guardians of the material plane; the best way to help the mortal inhabitants of said plane is by not touching anything. Obviously this is what The Creator had in mind, and any who meddle in the plane, and therefore blaspheme The Creator, are to be punished severely.
After three decades of military service (doing nothing), he has been sent out as a sort of test to determine the extent of the planer distortion, fix it if possible, find the perpetrators, deliver justice, then report back.
Home Plane: Ethereal Plane.
Abilities: Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking, Righteous Fury, Ethereal Denizen, Avatar of Imho
Inventory: Holy Longsword, Mass-Produced Holy Symbol, Full Plate Armor, Enchanted Ring, 50 gp

Spoiler: ggamer (click to show/hide)

Name: Jo'Ldza (Big Jo)
Species: Orc
Description: We'sn orcs may be deesa jerks, but we's still hassda jobs. I'mn A big ork. Got'sa bald head, with red eyes and wella build a'ms. I'sa been a kaptain for more dan' twenn'y yea's. I 'elp keep the balance wit' mah krew.
Profession: Kaptain of an orc sailing ship
Background: Grew up on a sailing boat with his brother, who was also a kaptain. inherited kaptain'ism and crew from his brother when he died.
Home Plane: Water Plane
Abilities: Sailor, Swashbuckler Water Plane Denizen, Dinghy Pilot
Inventory: Rapier, Grappling Hook, Pirate Outfit, Magic Coin Necklace, Paralyzing Poison (4 uses), 20 gp

Allies:

Spoiler: Iali Boltcut (click to show/hide)

You kind of made his house into your flying machine, so he decided to tag along. He is now going all fangirl over Schilcote, who he sees as almost a demigod of mechanics.
Abilities: Master Mechanic, Old Man
Inventory: The entire contents of his house, which you made into a flying machine.

Vehicles:

Spoiler: Flying House "Emet" (click to show/hide)

The house part belongs to the gnome mechanic, the flying mechanism belongs to Schilcote, the fueling system was made by Riccto. It runs on air and can easily break the sound barrier. It will almost never break. Schilcote can planejump the ship, but will have -1 on all actions in the next turn.
First floor: Workshop, door outside, kitchen
Second Floor: Nirur's room, Spare bedroom, Engine room
Third floor: Spare bedroom, cockpit, Iali Boltcut's room, ladder to roof
Roof: Pouting TieflingAx's "room", Badass FlameTurret

Spoiler: Magic Dinghy, "Da Masta' Exploda" (click to show/hide)

Bought by Schilcote to keep Big Jo happy. Flies as fast as you can row it (with the orc alone? Pretty fast.), enchantment is permanent.

Since there are no more pirates on the top of the ship, you all go belowdecks, You see a pair of kids, and the first mate with his sword to the throat of one of them. He growls, "Ye' best be gettin' offa' my ship unless ye' want this little one ta' be dead on yer hands." He looks like he means it, too.

[Schilcote]

Umm... I was shooting at their ship...

Continue burninating.

Ah, screw it. Might as well give it a try.

RAMMING SPEED!