Order the cheeldren to open fire on the remaining pirate ship, whilst I ram it.
Better idea.
Negotiate a truce, taking advantage of the Emet bridge's intimidation bonus.
Ah, screw it. The original plan.
(2+1) The children take manual control of one of the cannons and fire it at the ship! (6+1) (dodge:2) They hit it right in the (SP:1) deck! (damage:3) The ship is weakened slightly. RAMMING SPEED! (4+1) (dodge:6) The pirate ship gets out of your way... (4) And Iali shoots! (dodge:5) That ship is too tricksy...
Pat self on back. Do support guy stuff.
Congratulating yourself on more successful SCIENCE, you decide to make some corrosive gas bombs for the cannons. Iali is busy, and the golem is piloting the ship, so you do it alone. (2+1) You are kind of rushed, but you still make them adequately. (power:6) These things are filled with the most powerful acid you could find. +1 to damage. (size:6) ...You're gonna need a bigger cannon. These won't fit in the ones you have with you. (usefulness:6) And they have no chance of breaking before they hit the target. (efficiency:N/A) You made a dozen of these shells before you ran out of acid.
Man oon o' dos' cannons an' fia!
Ax watched Nirur and Torir fight, astonished. "Holy shit. That was fantastic," he said to himself, one hand scratching the back of his head. "I'm going to have to congratulate Riccto on another overwhelming success, that's for sure. First, though..." He turned towards the ship where Jo was fighting. I should probably help him out. He used the remote to reload the cannon and fire them at the ship, hoping to hit the captain of it.
Big Jo grabs a cannon, and aims it at the scary undead wizard pirate. (3) (1) (dodge:4) He jumps out of the way of one of the shots, and the cannonball zooms across the deck. The other shot was a dud, and the cannonball rolls out of the mouth of the cannon. Ax aims the other four cannons, (6, 4, 3, 6) (dodge:4,2,6,1) and hits the lich with 3. (damage:2,1,3) He is way too scary... How did those not even scratch him?
Jump to the ship with the boss on it, DO BATTLE.
It's clobberin' time! (5+1) You leap to the boss ship and scurry up the side! (3) (dodge:4) The captain shoots a blast of fire at you, but you move out of the way and leap to attack! (4+1+1,6+1+1) (dodge:5,2) You hit him lightly on the (BP:4) left arm with your organic arms, and heavily (damage+1) on the (BP:6) neck (damage+1) with your metal arms. (damage:5+1+1,6+1+1+1+1)
The lich explodes. Like, literally, explodes. Pieces of lich splatter everywhere. (1) And his sword, with its flaming enchantment, flies towards a gunpowder stockpile. Ohshi- (dodge:3) You leap, but are caught in the side by some flaming wreckage! (damage:2) It just knocks the breath out of you. Otherwise, you're fine. (dodge:5+1) Schilcote moves Emet quickly out of the way of the blast. The rest of the pirates quickly flee.
Statuses:
Species: Mutant
Description: A "Being" That stands like a man, the size of a man, but covered with horrible burns and an alchemists robe
Profession: Alchemist/Mad Scientest
Background: He once was a man. Atleast he thinks so. But what he does remember is his knack for mixing up chemicals and herbs, always trying to find that perfect mix. But he has suffered his fair share of accidents in the lab
Home Plane: Astral Plane
Abilities:
Master Alchemist,
Mad Alchemist,
Astral Denizen,
Well-ReadMutations:
Alchemical Immunities,
Four Arms,
Inventory:
Bottle Sling,
Good Chemistry Set,
Leather Robes,
Phial of enchanted gas,
Doctor's Bag, Plague Doctor Mask, Iron Dagger,
12 corrosive gas shells, 5 gp
Spells:
Spined HandsName: Axolisin Sathael. He prefers being called Ax or Sin since he thinks it's awesome.
Species: Tiefling
Description: Short, pale, and skinny. He stands about 5'5 and 120 pounds. His hair and eyes are pure black and his pure white skin has light gray spots across it. His horns are goat-like. He spends a lot of time moping and figures since he's just so mistreated he can do whatever he wants.
Profession: Thief
Background: He's been kicked around his entire life as you might expect and resorted to thievery since Tieflings are branded as thieves and untrustworthy anyway. He's very small time and hasn't progressed much beyond mugging, purse stealing, pickpocketing, and robbing the poor.
Home Plane: Plane of Shadow
Inventory:
Steel Daggers,
Throwing Daggers,
Cheap Lockpicks,
Black Leather Armor,
Magic Ring, 150 gp
Abilities:
Burglar,
Good Eyes,
Denizen of ShadowHealth: Fine
Species: Golem
Description: Created as a result of DRUNK THAUMATOLOGY!. Was intended to have humanlike personality and intellgence. Doesn't talk much, but isn't stupid. Has no goals of his own besides survival, goes around helping people with various things for lack of a better purpose. Will do anything asked of him unless he has a reason not to (if it conflicts with an existing goal or his basic morality). Lawful Good (as in lawful as the opposite of chaotic). Extremely logical and unemotional. Dislikes entropic behavior. Is good with machines (clockwork and a bit of early steam power, I guess).
When he does talk, it sounds something like the above paragraph.
Profession: None. See above. Requires no food and builds his own shelter, and has very little interest in material goods.
Background: See description.
Home Plane: Material Plane.
Inventory:
Iron Maul,
Toolkit, 15 gp,
Magitek ManualsAbilities:
Pneumatic Joints,
Simple Personality,
Material Plane Denizen,
Oh Captain My Captain,
Cannon RemoteHealth: Fine
Species: Mutant
Description: An ugly looking mutant who hates most people. Permanantly disguised as a beautiful woman.
Profession: A guard to a local inn.
Background: Created in a magic experiment gone wrong, he escaped and decided to live his live in a nearby city.
Home Plane: Material Plane
Mutations:
Rhinocerous Skin,
Claw HandsAbilities:
Alcoholism,
Brawler,
Material Plane Denizen,
Curse of BeautyInventory:
Half-Brick in a Sock, 3 Empty Beer Bottles,
Concealing clothes,
Cursed Brass Knuckles,
Bionic ArmsThis character brought to you thanks to the wonderful racial descriptions.
Species: Aasimar
Description: Lawful Neutral, almost Lawful Stupid. He firmly believes in the tenets of his faith, and is willing to die to uphold them. Now split into Nirur and Torir, god and evil respectively.
Profession: Paladin.
Background: His people believe themselves to be the only true guardians of the material plane; the best way to help the mortal inhabitants of said plane is by not touching anything. Obviously this is what The Creator had in mind, and any who meddle in the plane, and therefore blaspheme The Creator, are to be punished severely.
After three decades of military service (doing nothing), he has been sent out as a sort of test to determine the extent of the planer distortion, fix it if possible, find the perpetrators, deliver justice, then report back.
Home Plane: Ethereal Plane.
Abilities:
Nirur:
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking,
Righteous Fury,
Ethereal Denizen,
Avatar of ImhoTorir:
Puppy Kicker,
Evil BastardInventory:
Nirur:
Holy Longsword,
Mass-Produced Holy Symbol,
Full Plate Armor,
Enchanted Ring, 50 gp
Torir: Has all of Nirur's stuff, but replace evil with good and turn with control.
Name: Jo'Ldza (Big Jo)
Species: Orc
Description: We'sn orcs may be deesa jerks, but we's still hassda jobs. I'mn A big ork. Got'sa bald head, with red eyes and wella build a'ms. I'sa been a kaptain for more dan' twenn'y yea's. I 'elp keep the balance wit' mah krew.
Profession: Kaptain of an orc sailing ship
Background: Grew up on a sailing boat with his brother, who was also a kaptain. inherited kaptain'ism and crew from his brother when he died.
Home Plane: Water Plane
Abilities:
Sailor,
Swashbuckler Water Plane Denizen,
Dinghy PilotInventory:
Rapier,
Grappling Hook,
Pirate Outfit,
Magic Coin Necklace,
Paralyzing Poison (3 uses), 20 gp
Allies:
You kind of made his house into your flying machine, so he decided to tag along. He is now going all fangirl over Schilcote, who he sees as almost a demigod of mechanics.
Abilities:
Master Mechanic,
Old ManInventory: The entire contents of his house, which you made into a flying machine.
You saved them from some pirates. Yay!
Abilities:
Powder Monkeys,
Kids,
Air Plane NativesInventory:Clothes
Vehicles:
The house part belongs to the gnome mechanic, the flying mechanism belongs to Schilcote, the fueling system was made by Riccto. It runs on air and can easily break the sound barrier. It will almost never break. Schilcote can planejump the ship, but will have -1 on all actions in the next turn.
First floor: Workshop, door outside, kitchen
Second Floor: Nirur's room (one cannon - left), Spare bedroom (one cannon - right), Engine room
Third floor: Spare bedroom, cockpit (two cannons - forward), Iali Boltcut's room, ladder to roof
Roof:
Pouting TieflingAx's "room",
Badass FlameTurret, Two swivelling cannons
Bought by Schilcote to keep Big Jo happy. Flies as fast as you can row it (with the orc alone? Pretty fast.), enchantment is permanent.
The academy's tower glows again, and a large slightly transparent man appears, wearing a robe. He says, "Thank you, friends, for saving our home from these brigands. We are forever grateful. Please, dock your house on the roof of our building. We will send a delegation out to meet you.