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[Baffler]

Drown. The fort is on a glacier, after all...

WWUD if the militia commander staged a coup against the player, and the player put him in charge of the loyalists?

[Arcvasti]

Get assassinated during breaktime by mercenary kobolds the player bribed with ☼Spiked Slade Balls☼.

What would Urist do if he was charged with interspecies diplomatic relations?

[Eric Blank]

Horribly offend his diplomatic relations by drinking too much and being hairy.

Wwud if his family betrayed him?

[Chevaleresse]

Loyalty cascade ending with 90% of the fort's population dead and 8% of it consisting of berserk children.

WWUD if he mined the computer screen by accident?

[Pwned dwarf]

Have a sudden urge to tell the legendary adamantine military to make the person the strange world ruler of said strange, new world

WWUD: if he was in LOTR, and could make adamantine as easy as filthy humans make steel (and has a lot of dorf friends)

[XArgon]

Make masterwork adamantine armor, weapons and clothing for all his friends, while being On Break.

What would baby Urist do if babies could play with toys, and there were no toys produced in the fort?

[SimRobert2001]

Go into a fell mood, and produce toys. Out of the children.

Wwud with his new childrens toys nade out of children?

[StagnantSoul]

Urist would present it to the nearest caravan as the best possible way to use children.

WWUD if the toy force he made pumped out a toy hammer and axe, also made of children?

[SimRobert2001]

Feel oddly better about himself.

WWUD if he found himself a demigod?

[mate888]

Urist McHercules would turn to be a legend to his dwarven civilization, and, centuries later, when the humans conquer the dwarves, they would adopt the myth as their own. Urist McHercules, now ascended to godhood, watches pleased how all races praise his strength, until Armok decides to delete the universe, him included.

WWUD if he and other 6 dwarves escaped the computer after world deletion, and swore vengance on the player, but still were the size of their computer sprite?

[Arcvasti]

Strike the earth! In a few decades, there are enough dwarves underneath the house to drop it into the magma sea. Unfortunately for the dwarves, the resulting magma boils up into an erupting volcano, devastating the cityscape and wiping out the miniature dwarven fortress.

What would Urist do if he enrolled in a bungee jumping competition?

[Eric Blank]

Snap his spine in twain, because elasticity isn't simulated properly in Df.

Wwud if the two barrels of booze he was approaching sprouted legs and ran off in opposite directions?

[pisskop]

Kill one with an axe in the bloodiest way possible, and take the other to the butchers shop to extract its blood into a(nother) barrel   .      WWUD if halflings tried to establish a civ based on dwarven hillocks?  _{^{actually . . . not a bad idea!  make human forts and no mountain expansions.}}

[Eric Blank]

Urist would do nothing. Silly halflings can do all of urists outdoor worm so he can mine for microcline.
(Also, the hillocks sites are linked to a fortress site. You can't get the second without the first. Fortresses will often be vastly outnumbered by hillocks, though.)

Wwud if his girlfriend was the fortress vampire?

[Insanegame27]

Assume the position of hammerer as a matter of course, go and beat his girlfriend up with the *steel war hammer* that he found in the weapons stockpile. Then become ecstatic.
Urist McHammerer attended a nice funeral lately
WWUD if he MADE an artifact slade hammer?