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[Quartz_Mace]

Hold it by the pointy end and bludgeon enemies to death with the hilt and pommel until gaining enough levels of swordsdwarf skill to figure out it's supposed to be the other way around. Luckily, the god of death is duly familiar with dwarves; thus the glowy enchantment to protect Urist's hands.

WWUD if books (besides boring necromancer treatises and secrets of life and death) were introduced?

He'd not be ale to make one because Urist owns no quill

Also, Necromancer books aren't boring, for examples: The Ulcers and the Dwarves, The Dwarf Cones Full Circle, The people: Before and After, Did the Dwarf Falter, It Must Have Been the Dwarf (sequel), And I Sang "the Dwarf!" The Secrets of the Book, Departure Explained, Wheelsgrove: Common Practice, Bëmbul  Merchantlovlely: My only Mistake, And it Sang "Bëmbul Merchantlovely, The Dwarf is my Life, The Book: Fact or Fiction? The Tower Ever Onward, The Crowns and Bëmbul Merchantlovely, The Art of the Lion, and Never Underestimate the People. Tell me you don't want to read those.

What would Urist WRITE if he were a Necromancer?
EDIT: Forgot to answer question above: Urist would buy the poems about cheese that would inspire his future engravings.

[Olith McHuman]

He would write a book that has a redundant title and crash the game.

What would Urist McMerchant do if he realized that he could make a Fred Flintstones car out of minecarts?

[TD1]

Make it.

Then crush his legs in the cart, trying to move his goods.

His blood and bone merges with the metal.

He becomes a sentient minecart-thing.

Now you know why you fear the night.


WWUD if he was Sauron, and I was Saruman.

[Illogical_Blox]

Sauron has married Saruman.

WWUD if he had to save the world from an evil villian.

[Quartz_Mace]

Urist cancels save world: the world ends when he says it ends!

What would Urist do if his life dream was world domination?

[escondida]

Mostly sit around in the dining hall drinking up all the booze, occasionally stopping to go milk an alpaca or make soap. Turns out poor Urist has exactly the wrong personality to carry out the plan: can't be bothered with frantic, fast-paced living; is entirely averse to risk and excitement; is resistant to change; is completely disorganized; does the bare minimum necessary to accomplish the task at hand; rarely completes tasks and is often overcome by distractions; and has recently discovered this cool game called Servants of Komra, Part III: Human City: Fictions of Trade and Iniquity on that dwarfputer the Overseer had built.

What would Urist do on discovering a cool game called Servants of Komra, Part III: Human City: Fictions of Mercantilism and Vice on the fort's new dwarfputer?

[Tawa]

Build a miniature human civilization within the game. Within the civilization, he creates a humanputer that plays a game called Minions for Dedak: God of Trees, Chapter IV: Elven Forest Retreat: Legends of Blood and Kittens, which dwarves become enamored with.

What would Urist do if DF was actually infinite fractal nesting of video games?

[IronTomato]

Try and find out how to become the characters from other video games. End up being Ezio Auditore, grand master ambusher, grand master climber.

WWUD If he was a cameo in a fighting game?

[cyberTripping]

His ultra would be fullcircle fullcircle Light punch light kick.

The ultra would be named Tantrum Spiral.

WWUD if he was a Harvest Moon character?

[mate888]

Urist cancels harvesting moon: on break.
WWUD if someone harvested the moon and brougth it to Earth the Realm of Cyclones?

[cyberTripping]

Discover that toady programmed realistic tide physics, and drown with the rest of the world.

WWUD if it turned out that the world was on the back of a pond turtle, which is on the back of a bigger pond turtle, which...

[Olith McHuman]

... I guess using that bottomless pit for magma disposal was a really bad idea.

WWUD if the world started falling?

[escondida]

Something has collapsed on the surface! (x∞)

The game crawls to a halt as the engine struggles to calculate the cave-in to end all cave-ins. You wait patiently, rapt with interest to see what will happen. Hours pass, and you get up to get a drink. When you return, you look at the monitor and drop your drink in shock. A new world is being generated before your eyes. Where the world's name would normally appear, though, you see the message "That was a bit early for my plans, but well done on that doomsday device. -A."

What would Urist do when haunted by the ghosts of every dog and cat the fortress had lost?

[Baffler]

A cat has adopted Urist McButcher x∞!
Urist McButcher has adopted a stray dog x∞!

The overseer fights through the unspeakably massive lag just long enough to put Urist McButcher in a squad and station him under the drawbridge. Urist moves dutifully to the bridge but, in haste to remove Urist and his infinite catghosts, the overseer pulled the lever a bit too early. Only some of the cats are atomsmashed and, as ghosts, crash the game.

WWUD if he had no job?

[mate888]

Throw a party at the dwarven social service.
WWUD if he was the last survivor of his fort, trapped outside after the military commander died of an infected pinkytoe and turned into a zombie?