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[flame99]

Nothing. Armok is the god of blood, dwarves practically shower in the stuff, therefore Armok is a dwarf, and as such can't see fire.

WWUD if he COULD see fire?

[Olith McHuman]

Neat! A built-in flashlight! I wonder if it ever runs ou
Urist McClueless has bled to death.

WWUD if someone told him about Schrodinger's experiments with cats?

[mate888]

Save the cats by eating them

WWUD if he discovers that the keas were planning war aganist the dwarves?

[Lagslayer]

Become a legendary +5 weaponsmith, crafting crossbows and bolts for the entire fortress population.

WWUD if everyone in the fort was a legendary +5 marksdwarf/archer?

[flame99]

Cause a mega-fun tantrum spiral when everyone was carrying a crossbow and full quiver of bolts.

WWUD If he was fighting a Clown with no armor and a bluemetal hammer?

[shinyarceus4]

Push the hammer into his beard and use it as armor, then fight barehanded.

WWUD if Candy was edible?

[Skribbblie]

The dwarves of Geshud McFortress grow incredibly wealthy by selling Prepared Meals made with Candy, until the Circus comes to town and Urist McMigrantMonarch is eaten by Clowns.

WWUD if a butcher went berserk and started cutting off everyone's beards?

[Scruffy]

Urist has been very unhappy lately. He has dined in a legendary diningroom recently. He has been forcibly sheared recently. He has lost beard to tragedy recently. He was forced to endure the decay of a beard lately. He has enjoyed starting a fistfight recently.

WWUD if his sheared beard came back to live? (Has been attacked by own dead beard recently)

[Skribbblie]

Urist is stark raving mad and running around babbling, while Armok is busy conducting a witch hunt to find the necromantic shearer responsible for it.

WWUD if he heard that the mayor was actually a vampire necromancer werellama in disguise as an ornery mental patient?

[mate888]

Urtist has been happy lately, he was attacked by a delicious llama lately.

WWUD if he discovers that his gradfather was an elf, and his great-grandmother a kobold?

[lue]

"My grandpa was this Cacame guy. Anyone know him?"

WWUD if his kobold relatives took something from him?

[Yerv]

He would go on a soul journey, finding them and politely asking them for it back, unfortunately, it was an artifact adamantine dagger, and Kobolds can't really speak... Urist McSoulJourney has been struck down.

WWUD if her husband died to a Kobold wielding what is basically a Light-Saber for Kobolds?

[Skribbblie]

She would set out for revenge with a war hammer made of adamantine, thinking it superior.
Urist McWife has been struck down.

WWUD if her parents were both killed by the same adamantine dagger-weilding Kobold?

[Yerv]

Set out on a glorious quest, find their bodies and throw a tantrum, knocking down a support in the kobold cave.
Urist McTantrumDaughter has been crushed.

WWUD if the goblin overlord invited him over for a dinner party, with plenty of wine cakes and tallow roasts?

[Skribbblie]

He would accept, but at the last second, Armok gets a clever look in his eye and orders Urist to be sad in a corner, while the duke goes in his place. Poor Urist.

WWUD if he arrived at the goblin overlord's party and found no wine cakes or tallow roasts, and that the dining hall looked strangely like a band of goblins with spears pointed at him instead?