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[Yerv]

Pull the murder lever instead.
What would Urist do if a kobold gave him a barrel of wine?

[Ozarck]

Drown the kobold in the wine. Drink the kobold.

WWUD if she set fire to an artifact throne?

[Monk321654]

Set it up in that pesky nobles' room, then die from blood loss.

WWUD if that new chair he just sat on was on fire?

[IcyTea31]

Gain a happy thought from the pre-warmed chair.

WWUD if he had a flaming-booze-barrel-grenade catapult?

[Imperial Guardsman]

Genocide the Elves.
WWUD if he became the Monarch?

[Lagslayer]

KILL DR. VENTURE!!!!!

WWUD with an extra brain?

[Imperial Guardsman]

Eat it.
WWUD if he were drafted into an army filled with dorfs with adamantine armor and weapons and was given a wood practice sword and a bone gauntlet?

[Yerv]

Become the worlds greatest warrior.
What would urist do if his brother was captured by a giant ghost?

[Eric Blank]

Go on an epic quest in search of a cyclops priest who could exorcise the ghost. Get stepped on by the first cyclops he comes across, who most certainly was not a priest.

WWUD if the fortress was being invaded by elk birds?

[Olith McHuman]

Nothing. It's one z-level up, so he can't path to it. Meanwhile, everyone starves since the birds are above the food stockpile.

WWUD if a mad scientist made a cat demon hybrid?

[Yerv]

Invent the gun, and then shoot the cat demon.
WWUD if he was a space marine sent to Mars to destroy the circus there?

[Enemy post]

Colonize it.
WWUD Do if he were standing in an open field west of a white house,with a boarded front door?

[Yerv]

Run for mayor, get elected and ban all boarded doors.
What would urist do if he was set to dwarf computing duty?

[Shaked]

Pull the wrong lever.
WWUD if he found a camp of hippie goblins?

[Brotato]

Continue to offer them terrible trade deals until they attacked.
WWUD if he migrated to a fort with a ban on magma?