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[Zanzetkuken The Great]

Drive the car into the nearest volcano.

WWUD if he drove into the nearest volcano?

[knutor]

Put on a steel snorkeling suit, and fill a basket full of magma crabs for supper.

WWUD if he tried to boil a magma crab?

[Lagslayer]

Make ☼Magma Crab Soup☼. Dwarves have been knows to cook magma-safe creatures before. I suspect that's what pitchblende is really for.

WWUD if he wanted to make a meme?

[newbonomicon]

Do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, because it will become a meme anyway.

WWUD if he met Dolan Duck?

[adasdad]

disappoint dolan with his lack of orifices.

WWUD if he had frikin' laser beams attached?

[Corai]

Replace the miners. Who needs picks when you have mining lasers?

What in the Miners Guild invents time travel, sees Urist doing that?


http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/23a:Miners_guild

[Eric Blank]

Steal the lasers and increase their efficiency and work rate by a factor of 5.

What Would Urist McNoble Do if he saw the miners' energy bill?

[Lagslayer]

Live. With all the miners sucking up all the power, there isn't enough left to power the magma pump in his bedroom.

WWUD if moveable buildings were suddenly implemented?

[Double A]

Move a magma furnace and fall in the hole.

WWUD if he saw a unicorn fighting a school of carp?

[adasdad]

ride the unicorn, and use his shield-based magic to defeat the carp and become the captain of the guard.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(also, that avatar is awesome. although it could use some editing to increase the text size, the sexy shoeless god of war bit is two thirds of the humor in that scene. Why am i giving people advice for their OOTS avatars on a thread about what dwarfs would do?)

WWUD if he was a carp?

[jaxy15]

Have a scaring contest with the fisherdwarf, and just barely win.

WWUD if he could turn his pants into crossbows?

[adasdad]

become the greatest superhero in history.

WWUD if The Great A'Tuin (the planet sized sea turtle from Discworld) invaded his fort? (taking up one tile at a time, naturally)

[GreatWyrmGold]

Nothing. The milita can handle that, right...?
Your settlement has crumbled to its end.

What would Urist do if he was ON The Great A'Tuin?

[adasdad]

Well, since I already asked what he would do if he was in a Discworld dwarf settlement, this question is redundant. (Discworld is carried on A'Tuin's back, after all)
if he was standing directly on the turtles back, however, i assume he would dig down and eat and drink the flesh and blood of the turtle.

WWUD if rincewind ran by his fortress? (in another Discworld mood)

[Lagslayer]

Die to the clowns that were summoned to deal with a cavy pup.

WWUD if he was made of slade?