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[Archereon]

Urist experiences horror whilst horrified. Then he reports the baby to the sheriff for assault.

What would Urist McSheriff do if he received reports of a baby rampaging through the fort with a rain bow?

Trigger a loyalty cascade after the hammerer beat the baby to death in front of his father since there's no jail, then interdimensional warp into a new universe because the player ragequit and regened the world.

What would Urist do if he ended up in a world where dwarves live in forest retreats and eat sentient corpses while elves live deep below the ground and don't give a fuck about trees? (that last part actually happened in my most recent world gen where the dominant "dwarven" civ ended up somehow being like 90% elves due to worldgen shennanigans.)

[evthestrike]

Become the arch nemesis of Thrathna, the lizard devil, and lead numerous towns in defense against him.

WWUD when he finally faced Thrathna?

[King Zultan]

Demand that he stop cutting down trees.

WWUD if Thrathna refused and cut down a tree in front of him?

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Urist is throwing a tantrum!
Urist punches Thrathna in the head, bruising the fat, bruising the muscle, fracturing the skull!
Urist has gone berserk!

WWUD whilst berserk and tantruming?

[Olith McHuman]

The lizard devil unhinges its jaw.
Urist has been swallowed whole!

WWUD if berserk and tantruming and inside a lizard devil's stomach?

[Bumber]

Burst out of the lizard devil's chest, singing "Hello My Baby", then finish him off with a thrown watercress leaf to the skull.

WWUD while berserk, tantruming, and wanting to celebrate his victory?

[King Zultan]

Go punch a keg to death and eat its booze innards, then beat the crap out of the dancers and bards.

WWUD while still berserk and tantruming after "celebrating"?

[recon1o6]

Get beaten to death by Urist McRaider, a dwarf that's an actual dwarfy dwarf for his **pig tail sock** that's now a named artifact since killing the lizard devil thrathna

WW Urist McRaider do after obtaining a legendary sock?

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Urist feels pleasure after a satisfying acquisition.
Urist dons the sock.

WWUD (Urist McRaider, that is) after donning the sock?

[Olith McHuman]

Urist's foot begins to melt because of Thrathna's deadly blood. Worse yet, he spreads this melting disease via miasma.

WWUD if there was a contagious melting disease in the fort?

[King Zultan]

He being one of the many naked dwarves in the fortress would immediately go try to clean it off everything.

WWUD if he was trying to clean all the melted dwarf off of everything while also trying to clean up his own melting body?

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Holler for a bar of soap. Nobody answers, though; they're too busy melting.

WWUD whilst lacking soap?

[Olith McHuman]

Urist grumbles and loots the hospital's soap supply. Then he melts all over the hospital equipment.

What would Urist McPrepper do in his survival bunker?

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Urist McPrepper is grouchy after eating the same old food.

What would Urist McPrepper do to acquire a more varied supply of food?

[knutor]

Urist McPrepper would ride his oak minecart through the nearest Ratburger Queen's crystal drivethru window and order a unprepared, kicking and squeeling combo meal.

WWUD after counting on his 9 fingers, that he hasnt got enough arms to talk on a turtleshellphone, stear his oak minecart and quaff? For bonus points, what is Ratburger Queen's 3 topselling combo meals?