Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 13

Author Topic: Bullying  (Read 8239 times)

Pnx

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #30 on: April 21, 2011, 10:48:31 pm »

I had an awful bully in my first primary school. He didn't bully everyone generally, he might have been mean to some of the other kids, but mainly he just tortured me. I remember him being incredibly vindictive, but my memory may have exaggerated the negative memories. He'd steal stuff from me, I remember him emptying my pockets a lot, and being disappointed I didn't have anything in them. I remember him trying to force me to bring him money to steal, I never did of course, but it did give him an excuse to hit me. He used to make things up about me to get me in trouble, he intimidated my friends into not talking to me. He used to smile to the teachers and tell them he was trying to be friends with me, or make things up, then when they couldn't see he'd hit me. He'd tell them that I was picking fights with him, instead of the other way round, and they tended to believe him. Apparently, apart from his grudge against me, he was very well behaved.

Thinking back, I stood out a lot, which was probably what made me a target, but apart from that... I had a lot of bad experiences at that school, and it led to a lot of bad habits, and various issues, I wouldn't say his bullying ruined my life, but it contributed to a lot of the stuff that ruined my primary school years... it's complicated...
I don't hold any grudges against him, he probably had issues himself that led to him bullying me, and it's not like I was an angel myself, some of what he did I probably had coming to me... but that's beside the point... Besides, he wasn't the only one who bullied me. Fortunately, that was the only time I was ever really bullied... at least not heavily.

Anyway, stepping away from my life story...
I have found that violence can solve bullying. IF it is used as a last resort. The first step is to tell them to bugger off, when that fails, tell the authorities, when that fails, punch them. It has worked for me every time I have been forced to use it. And in the instances where I was not able to use it, it would have succeeded in stopping later incidents.
This, I hate violence, REALLY hate it. It can solve problems, but if at all possible I prefer not to use it. In fact it goes so far that personally I'd rather suffer the abuse then resort to violence, but I understand why a lot of people don't agree, and when tempers get high it's hard to keep yourself in check.

Anyway, my stance is that if you have to resort to starting a fight (by just hitting them, or antagonizing them into hitting you), then it's a shameful failure on your part...
That wording is probably a bit of a hold over from my martial arts days.
Logged

Duelmaster409

  • Bay Watcher
  • [DOES_NOT_FIGHT]
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #31 on: April 21, 2011, 11:15:23 pm »

Back in primary school I was bullied for a long time because I tried to help someone else out. I was the new kid in school, and immediately I noticed that there was a shy girl who would be consistently picked on by almost everyone at the school. The reason for this was because she used to be one of those special education students and was recently transferred out because she showed enough mental development. She wasn't dumb as much as she was socially inept. I used to be very popular and liked back then; I was always the "cool smart kid" you turned to when you wanted the answers to your math homework.

Anyway, one day I had become absolutely fed up with the other kid's inhumane torture of this little girl. They would steal her money, tease her to tears, and cause her significant physical harm. Nobody ever got in trouble because she didn't talk to anyone about it. This particular day in recess, the typical group of five dudes and a chick were punting this girl around (this is funnily enough, cliche) and laughing. I don't know what overcame me, perhaps I had a crush on the girl back then? I told the kids very rudely to fuck off. They were compliant for a few days. That's when they focused their attention on me.

The girl had moved to another town, and I was left with no friends and everyone giving me the stink-eye. Eventually I was bullied in the same manner as the girl was, only they were much more physical. They would break my pencils, tear up my homework, steal whatever change I always carried around, stab me with pencils, you name it! I joke you not when I say the entire school bullied me, some of the teachers hated me because of what some of the kids did to frame me. This persisted until high school, where everyone I previously knew didn't attend. I had friends, and could focus on being happy and studying for college.


Not once did I raise a fist to my antagonists, or even resist. I fought with rude words and my swift, skinny legs.
Logged
Dwarf fortress: Teaching uni level geology to sadistic elf killers for years.

Itnetlolor

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
    • Steam ID
Re: Bullying
« Reply #32 on: April 21, 2011, 11:41:11 pm »

...and I mean it.

Seems me and Duelmaster are in similar boats. I just never retaliated physically at all unless I had the opportunity in P.E. class to "miss" the basket with the basket ball or something and hit them in the crossfire/overshoot or interfere their game where they could trip on the ball, or full-contact football whereas the game was flag football; you know, a justifiable offense. Mind you, I was, I would say, my nephew's age when I was thinking this stuff up (I wasn't kidding about my brilliance in my story above). Sometimes it cost me an arm and a leg, but it was worth it to fight back stealthily.

But yeah, although I was non-offensive back then, I would have to say, had I a time machine or some way to interact with my past, I would like to pass some of my knowledge of what I could've gotten away with and have ways to retaliate against my bullies back then to the point they would stop, and I would still be regarded as "the good quiet kid". Inject my current self nowadays into my past self, and my bullies would crap themselves many times over.

Seeing as bullying is inevitable, I have been training the next generation of my family some aspects of self defense (physically, psychologically, and spiritually); even being a bit of a mean teacher to harden them up a bit ahead of time. Seeing as my nephew is more like an aggressive version of my young self (or the me that never was), I know how capable he is, so I'm training him how to not become a bully, but still retain his attitude, along with teaching him when it's appropriate to apply it (as well as some techniques and the rules of combat (or code of conduct more like) if it ever comes to it (IE- no nut shots)). Last thing I need him to become is a bully, as well as a kid that over-does their self-defense to the point of turning into one themselves. He's a good kid, and I want him to stay in that territory, but also not be too concerned about how society views him to the point of shutting down his defenses completely, like I did.

EDIT:
Lots of typos apparently, and added a bit more to the spoiler. Also typing this whole post felt good. Worth a mention in HAPPY.
« Last Edit: April 21, 2011, 11:57:17 pm by Itnetlolor »
Logged

Tellemurius

  • Bay Watcher
  • Positively insane Tech Thaumaturgist
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #33 on: April 21, 2011, 11:43:56 pm »

See? someone does believes the no nutshots rule. If you're gonna fight back, do it with pride and not something dirty.

TherosPherae

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #34 on: April 21, 2011, 11:53:24 pm »

I was never physically bullied, probably because most of the other guys at my school were just as muscularly pathetic as I was. As for verbal bullying, everyone knew that I didn't give enough of a crap for insults to be worth it - and those that threw out insults anyways got almost no reaction. Or maybe I was bullied and I'm too dense to realize it. Doesn't matter either way, really.

My guide to bullying: At first, ignore it. If they get no reaction, they may go away. If that fails, get someone in charge - having someone else whoop their tail gets you in less trouble. If all else fails, no-holds-barred beatdown.
Logged
Quote from: Aqizzar
Being vengeance and the night could only be improved by being the ballpunching vengeful night.
Quote from: Cthulhu
Gotham's mysteriously high mental illness rate isn't so mysterious when you find out Batman thinks subduing a guy means spiking his head into the pavement like a football.

fqllve

  • Bay Watcher
  • (grammar) anarcho-communist
    • View Profile
    • ufowitch
Re: Bullying
« Reply #35 on: April 22, 2011, 12:02:14 am »

See? someone does believes the no nutshots rule. If you're gonna fight back, do it with pride and not something dirty.
I always lived under the rule that I wasn't given the choice of whether or not I would be attacked so they don't get the choice on how I will retaliate. And as an adult I realize that even the most innocuous fist fight can be dangerous. It is not a situation where honor comes into the equation, only self-preservation.

As a general rule, though, I do what I can to avoid a fight, up to ignoring blows.
Logged
You don't use freedom Penguin. First you demand it, then you have it.
No using. That's not what freedom is for.

SalmonGod

  • Bay Watcher
  • Nyarrr
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #36 on: April 22, 2011, 12:04:37 am »

See? someone does believes the no nutshots rule. If you're gonna fight back, do it with pride and not something dirty.

Slight tangent...

I was just getting out of high school when this 'bag-tagging' thing started coming into fashion.  Dear god, the fucking juvenile depravity of such an thing is beyond words to me.  I don't buy that such behavior can be explained as 'just kids, they'll grow up'.  I didn't find such shit funny when I was a kid, and there's no excuse for anyone else to at any age. 

I have a co-worker who was doing squats with over 300 lbs in the weight room when he was in high school, and a girl bag-tagged him from behind... permanently fucking up his back. 

Sigh... I don't understand people.  I'm still not convinced that the culture of bullying changes as one grows older, either.  It seems to me like it just gets more subtle and/or finds officiated channels (like management or police force), and bystanders generally act the same as well.  The major difference is as an adult one has more opportunity to find a place where they fit in.

I can relate to the psychological damage of long-term bullying and alienation.  After I moved away from my nightmare school, I avoided attention from anyone for over a year, and had trouble with social skills like eye contact for several years.  I still have a subconscious practice of being invisible most of the time.  People tend to not to notice when I'm not around, as if I don't have an 'aura'.  That ended up being my self-defense mechanism.
Logged
In the land of twilight, under the moon
We dance for the idiots
As the end will come so soon
In the land of twilight

Maybe people should love for the sake of loving, and not with all of these optimization conditions.

Itnetlolor

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
    • Steam ID
Re: Bullying
« Reply #37 on: April 22, 2011, 12:12:48 am »

See? someone does believes the no nutshots rule. If you're gonna fight back, do it with pride and not something dirty.
I can relate to the psychological damage of long-term bullying and alienation.  After I moved away from my nightmare school, I avoided attention from anyone for over a year, and had trouble with social skills like eye contact for several years.  I still have a subconscious practice of being invisible most of the time.  People tend to not to notice when I'm not around, as if I don't have an 'aura'.  That ended up being my self-defense mechanism.
You can put that to some use. My seeming invisibility I obtained has managed to scare the hell outta some people. Makes an excellent assassin's tool if you're into that kind of stuff. Other times, I just do whatever, and find the right spot at the right time to be noticed out of the corner of the eye. The double takes and short-jumps are worth the trouble.

And yeah, regarding bag-tagging, I had to be taught not to do that as a defense when sparring against my siblings when we had a trampoline to fight on. Many times have I been in trouble for doing that until I got hit on the receiving end once or twice by accident. I can see why before being armed with a tazer or pepper spray in the forces, you must get shot by them first. Know the pain before you deliver the pain.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2011, 12:14:21 am by Itnetlolor »
Logged

Vector

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #38 on: April 22, 2011, 12:17:15 am »

What the fuck, bag-tagging?  That's fucking ridiculous.

I mean, I've had girls grab my breasts and snap my bra strap (the one time I wore one in middle school--don't need it, don't wear it is my motto), but nothing as just downright nasty as that.  The breast-grabbing felt violating and dehumanizing enough =/
Logged
"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

SalmonGod

  • Bay Watcher
  • Nyarrr
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #39 on: April 22, 2011, 12:32:48 am »

What the fuck, bag-tagging?  That's fucking ridiculous.

You know what it is, right?  It's when someone flicks a guy's testicles with their fingertips.  When it's landed just right, it's very painful.  It's not so much violating or de-humanizing as a perverted upgrade to something like the old frog punch on the arm.  It's supposed to be a quick, mean-spirited prank without being overly masochistic, and most people will laugh at it for some reason.
Logged
In the land of twilight, under the moon
We dance for the idiots
As the end will come so soon
In the land of twilight

Maybe people should love for the sake of loving, and not with all of these optimization conditions.

Itnetlolor

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
    • Steam ID
Re: Bullying
« Reply #40 on: April 22, 2011, 12:35:19 am »

What the fuck, bag-tagging?  That's fucking ridiculous.
You know what it is, right?  It's when someone flicks a guy's testicles with their fingertips.  When it's landed just right, it's very painful.  It's not so much violating or de-humanizing as a perverted upgrade to something like the old frog punch on the arm.  It's supposed to be a quick, mean-spirited prank without being overly masochistic, and most people will laugh at it for some reason.
Justifying my terminology, mine is more a general 'whack to the nuts by any means, be it foot, fist, or otherwise; usually a mid-to full force shot, usually aimed to cause the target to stay down for as long as possible (CAUTION: may cause permanent damage)'.

Vector

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #41 on: April 22, 2011, 12:36:15 am »

You know what it is, right?  It's when someone flicks a guy's testicles with their fingertips.  When it's landed just right, it's very painful.  It's not so much violating or de-humanizing as a perverted upgrade to something like the old frog punch on the arm.  It's supposed to be a quick, mean-spirited prank without being overly masochistic, and most people will laugh at it for some reason.

I looked it up, and frankly, if someone was sticking their hands between my legs for any reason but "I told them they should," they'd get a kick in the face.  To me, that goes straight into violation territory and would basically ruin my day =/
Logged
"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

SalmonGod

  • Bay Watcher
  • Nyarrr
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #42 on: April 22, 2011, 12:42:42 am »

You know what it is, right?  It's when someone flicks a guy's testicles with their fingertips.  When it's landed just right, it's very painful.  It's not so much violating or de-humanizing as a perverted upgrade to something like the old frog punch on the arm.  It's supposed to be a quick, mean-spirited prank without being overly masochistic, and most people will laugh at it for some reason.

I looked it up, and frankly, if someone was sticking their hands between my legs for any reason but "I told them they should," they'd get a kick in the face.  To me, that goes straight into violation territory and would basically ruin my day =/

Yeah, it would be quite different in your context.  Such things are generally seen as acceptable to do to guys among stupid people.  There has to be full groping for something to be considered inappropriate touching on a male.
Logged
In the land of twilight, under the moon
We dance for the idiots
As the end will come so soon
In the land of twilight

Maybe people should love for the sake of loving, and not with all of these optimization conditions.

Tellemurius

  • Bay Watcher
  • Positively insane Tech Thaumaturgist
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #43 on: April 22, 2011, 12:45:13 am »

I had a friend who had the habit of back handing people in the nuts for lulz, he did that once to me and before i drop i punched him in the throat, wasn't the only one on the ground that day >_>

Heron TSG

  • Bay Watcher
  • The Seal Goddess
    • View Profile
Re: Bullying
« Reply #44 on: April 22, 2011, 12:50:20 am »

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Salvor Hardin, is it?

I have been bullied many times, but only noticeably once. Generally people leave me alone once they realize that I'm not going to fight back, but in 7th grade there was an 8th grade girl that gave me hell on the daily bus ride to the band room at the high school. She always claimed whatever seat I was sitting in as 'hers', and I always refused to give it to her. She had to physically drag me from my seat every day while I clung to in in a vice grip. She stopped after I handcuffed myself to the bar next to the seat. (I knew how to get out. She couldn't move me.) Not once have I physically responded to bullying, but I have come close many times.
Logged

Est Sularus Oth Mithas
The Artist Formerly Known as Barbarossa TSG
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 13