Ahh, memories. I recall being quite prone to bullying in my past (and at times, even as an adult, which I find quite odd), and the school systems were absolutely useless when dealing with them. I mean, I had a particular bully bugging me and making fun of my voice (which oddly is also a primary target to every other bully from then on (which I call a cop-out nowadays (or a total coward-move)) and I think also playing a song I, at the time, hated beyond all reason (and they played it over and over and over, even singing it non-stop) and etc., and to make matters worse, some others joined in on the attacks (some of them on/off friends) probably to not be looked down upon by them. My mom even went directly to the principal and teachers in order to address the issue, and they did nothing about it at all (had my mom been legally allowed to, the kids would not have been the only ones getting a royal beatdown). I mean, even when I was having a total mental/spiritual meltdown, not a single adult nor "friend" decided to help me one bit (besides my siblings which were a grade or 2 above me at the times; even as witnesses with proof, they weren't even considered). Let's say social and psychological recovery was a freaking doldrum from then on (1 decade for overall balance, another to get over myself entirely). I was conditioned to hostile environments from then on. Normally, I would've had those memories locked up and forgotten forever. Shows how far I've gotten nowadays.
Of course, going on, I had to find ways to either avoid contact (which sharing the same classes with the same bullies 3 grades in a row (from K-2 it was at it's worst; Kids are cruel) doesn't help), or negotiate my way out of the situation, usually with a snack I didn't want anyway that was added to my lunch, or teaching them how to use a computer so they can get into trouble screwing around with, or possibly breaking, them (Thank God I learned from my brothers back then how to use Dos, and operate a computer that early). At least my subconscious was thinking of ways to use my lack of defense, at the time, to my advantage by screwing over my bullies by their faults. I was learning how to fight back non-violently. Primarily getting them into trouble, and having plausible deniability. But still, really people? Even my friends were useless. Like I stated above, some of them joined the bully to keep on their good side, and others that stuck by me, all they did was retaliate by voice (IE- "Stop picking on him." and etc.); no reporting to teacher, no violence, nada. Yeah, they were pretty useless "friends". What didn't help was that this crap never really stopped with me until college. Even girls targeted me habitually (knowing that even if I could retaliate, I would be blamed/regarded as the bully; AKA- "Boys can't hit girls" which has been abused beyond reason), so dating for me was a no-show, which especially didn't help me in the long-run (also adding how retaliating against females, bullies or not, seems frowned upon to blown-out-of-proportion levels; regardless of age). So yeah.
Regarding violence, I was raised as a bit of a goody 2-shoes type, so violence and cursing the bullies out was against my code of conduct, even when things got hostile; hell, I was even permitted to retaliate violently (verbally and physically; permission from my whole family, even enforced), and I still didn't go that route as a defense. Seeing as I was also a religious and moral type, tag along with my voice at the time, a computer geek (primarily for the games, since then to adult, and still today), a Disney kid (classic Good Disney stuff nowadays), and being the 6th child of 8, which also limited some basic early lessons, I was also regarded as "special" by my teachers (even they were a bit bully-ish), whereas I was actually brilliant but lazy (can write quite well, color within the lines, really creative, can sing, can do math; can't tie a damn shoe (grade 1 or 2 by then), and unwilling to do alot of classwork and want to have fun; kept to myself for obvious reasons as well), and my family was so busy, they really didn't have the time to teach me some of the basics (like tying shoes and such back then; which is where the "special" part came from, outside of my lack of wanting to do schoolwork). Looking back, I had TARGET written all over me, and noone was courteous enough to point it out to me so I could do something about it. What sounds like bragging there was actually what i dreaded. I was an under-achiever by will. I knew through foresight what happens to smart and dedicated people. More work, less fun, more bullies. I dumbed myself down as a defensive measure. My how times have changed.
But yeah, I haven't made any recent contacts with any of my old bullies yet, but from what I've heard from other past contacts from my so-called friends, I seem to be doing far better than them overall (including said "friends"). At least karma seems to be on my side, though I do feel bad for thinking that way. But yeah, I was probably tormented psychologically/spiritually more than physically. Doesn't mean those scars don't exist and aren't deep. At least I'm collecting some reparations for the crap I've had to put up with for 2 decades of constant torment. If Heaven exists, I'm signing up for the Archangel Academy and going as a patron saint of psychological and spiritual endurance. I think I would do well for that title, considering I went through that kind of hell as a mortal for longer than most others could handle (suicide being a usual end result for the kind of crap I dealt with).
Some of Pnx's experiences have also been experienced all across the field (Elementary to High school). I just have to say "What the hell humanity"? Though I wouldn't want to reveal it normally, it has caused some mental issues that I eventually took control over by the force of willpower alone (easily half a decade before anyone else noticed and brought me to therapy; and even then, I fixed it long before any therapist ever did. I already knew to channel it to something.) during it's starting phases, and mixed it in with my creative senses. I think I can understand quite well nowadays why I designed so many WMDs and weapons in general and ships and such. That's a crap-ton of repressed anger and hatred towards mankind. I'm surprised I didn't turn into a supervillain.
...and I mean it.
Seems me and Duelmaster are in similar boats. I just never retaliated physically at all unless I had the opportunity in P.E. class to "miss" the basket with the basket ball or something and hit them in the crossfire/overshoot or interfere their game where they could trip on the ball, or full-contact football whereas the game was flag football; you know, a justifiable offense. Mind you, I was, I would say, my nephew's age when I was thinking this stuff up (I wasn't kidding about my brilliance in my story above). Sometimes it cost me an arm and a leg, but it was worth it to fight back stealthily.
But yeah, although I was non-offensive back then, I would have to say, had I a time machine or some way to interact with my past, I would like to pass some of my knowledge of what I could've gotten away with and have ways to retaliate against my bullies back then to the point they would stop, and I would still be regarded as "the good quiet kid". Inject my current self nowadays into my past self, and my bullies would crap themselves many times over.
Seeing as bullying is inevitable, I have been training the next generation of my family some aspects of self defense (physically, psychologically, and spiritually); even being a bit of a mean teacher to harden them up a bit ahead of time. Seeing as my nephew is more like an aggressive version of my young self (or the me that never was), I know how capable he is, so I'm training him how to not become a bully, but still retain his attitude, along with teaching him when it's appropriate to apply it (as well as some techniques and the rules of combat (or code of conduct more like) if it ever comes to it (IE- no nut shots)). Last thing I need him to become is a bully, as well as a kid that over-does their self-defense to the point of turning into one themselves. He's a good kid, and I want him to stay in that territory, but also not be too concerned about how society views him to the point of shutting down his defenses completely, like I did.
EDIT:
Lots of typos apparently, and added a bit more to the spoiler. Also typing this whole post felt good. Worth a mention in HAPPY.
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Topic: Bullying (Read 8248 times)