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Author Topic: If only Urist didn't...  (Read 2912 times)

Mrhappyface

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If only Urist didn't...
« on: April 19, 2011, 10:38:00 pm »
You know that one dwarf? The one that goes out of its way to help, but just screws it up in the absolute worst way  possible? Yeah...Well my Mason built the walls in the wrong order and ended up flooding the fort with magma... If he only didn't suspend 1 section..
So got any stories to share? Just start with "If only (Dwarf's name) didn't..."
« Last Edit: April 20, 2011, 10:43:39 am by Mrhappyface »
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This is Dwarf Fortress. Where torture, enslavement, and murder are not only tolerable hobbies, but considered dwarfdatory.

elitepastafa

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2011, 10:43:09 pm »
Heh, I love that guy. In the rare event he survives, I abandon, reclaim, and execute him and all survivors for consorting with Clowns.
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no-quality training spears are about as effective as a limp noodle at doing damage
You forget that a limp noodle has a wobbly attribute to it. In fact, its characteristics and shape may liken it to a small whip made out of food.
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Mrhappyface

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2011, 10:39:26 am »
Quote from: elitepastafa on April 19, 2011, 10:43:09 pm
Heh, I love that guy. In the rare event he survives, I abandon, reclaim, and execute him and all survivors for consorting with Clowns.
Maybe he realized the TRUTH...That he's a minor pawn controlled by an unforgiving and bored entity in a cruel world...
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This is Dwarf Fortress. Where torture, enslavement, and murder are not only tolerable hobbies, but considered dwarfdatory.

Necro910

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2011, 10:42:56 am »
Quote from: Mrhappyface on April 20, 2011, 10:39:26 am
Quote from: elitepastafa on April 19, 2011, 10:43:09 pm
Heh, I love that guy. In the rare event he survives, I abandon, reclaim, and execute him and all survivors for consorting with Clowns.
Maybe he realized the TRUTH...That he's a minor pawn controlled by an unforgiving and bored entity in a cruel world...
AKA

Armok.
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Eggocchio

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2011, 10:53:59 am »
One of my miners will, without fail, dig a channel in such a way that he/she causes a cave-in where he/she is standing.
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Shook

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2011, 10:54:28 am »
Quote from: Mrhappyface on April 20, 2011, 10:39:26 am
Maybe he realized the TRUTH...That he's a minor pawn controlled by an unforgiving and bored entity in a cruel world... beard
More like it. Also, if only Urist McRemoveconstruction didn't remove the floor below Urist McOblivious...
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Tharwen

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2011, 11:08:15 am »
Dig out my workshop halls in a completely random pattern, leaving a checkerboard of stone pillars until right before the end, and making the entire room unusable until he's finished.
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KtosoX

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2011, 01:18:06 pm »
If only UristMcDoctor didn’t mend the cuts of my dwarfs with COTTON CANDY!!! and at the exact same time UristMcPossesd needed some CANDY BARS!!!...
WRARRRR!!!...
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Quote from: acetech09 on March 21, 2012, 09:40:43 pm
Build a grid of floor grates above the entire city. Draft a squadron of masons and bomb the crap out of the city with falling constructed walls.
The Geneva Convention would like to have a word with you.
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Ipwnurmom221

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2011, 01:34:53 pm »
If only urist McFriendswitheverybody didn't go for that -sock- and cause a tantrum spiral...
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Quote from: Broseph Stalin on August 19, 2011, 10:45:04 pm
"I haven't seen my parents in nearly a year, I can't move a foot in any direction, I spend all my days being attacked by animals, and I've been forced to drink sheep puke- wow that's a nice floor grate!"

GreatWyrmGold

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2011, 05:37:34 pm »
Quote from: KtosoX on April 20, 2011, 01:18:06 pm
If only UristMcDoctor didn’t mend the cuts of my dwarfs with COTTON CANDY!!! and at the exact same time UristMcPossesd needed some CANDY BARS!!!...
WRARRRR!!!...
Mmm...Candy bars...


If only Urist McInsane would die faster...or if she would get onto that bridge...
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Mrhappyface

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #10 on: April 20, 2011, 07:37:31 pm »
That reminds me. If only Urist McFell Mood didn't kill my best armorsmith.
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This is Dwarf Fortress. Where torture, enslavement, and murder are not only tolerable hobbies, but considered dwarfdatory.

Ganondwarf

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #11 on: April 20, 2011, 10:41:49 pm »
If only Urist McFarmer didn't try to fertilize the farm, THEN try to make potash, THEN make ash.

Also,
Quote from: Eggocchio on April 20, 2011, 10:53:59 am
One of my miners will, without fail, dig a channel in such a way that he/she causes a cave-in where he/she is standing.
+1
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ISGC

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #12 on: April 20, 2011, 11:25:38 pm »
conditions were bad and my mayor was tantruming, so he decides it's a good idea to go kick a dog, right?
well, apparently, he misses and takes a dive off the bridge into the magma moat and causing a massive tantrum spiral
the dog escaped unscathed.
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Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

elf-fondling human

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #13 on: April 20, 2011, 11:43:49 pm »
Half of my dwarves stood completely still staring down a group of trolls for a few years once. Most of them starved/died of thirst, and the rest went berserk.
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That didn't last long, huh? Shame, cause binary's cool. Anyway, an important message: I will be changing my names on every username based thing I use to ASCIt on/around 10/1. Consolidating, I guess you could say.

Baron Baconeer

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Re: If only Urist didn't...
« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2011, 04:55:49 am »
Maybe if Urist Mcdoctor wouldn't have had a fey mood when half of the fort was rotting in the hospital.

And producing a freakin' toy boat.
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Quote from: veok on October 30, 2010, 06:45:18 pm
Yes, mother ****ing walruses stormed in through my well room, fatally gored my expedition leader, and danced off into the frosty tundra to sing happy walrus songs about oysters.
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