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[Karnewarrior]

Merchandizing Merchandizing MERCHANDIZING!

So Toady's said pretty definitely that DF is not going to go commercial. Ever. But that doesn't mean we can't imagine what a commercial for a Mass-Produced DF would look like!

For the intrests of civility and not burning out our eyes, let's assume Toady managed to find a company that didn't cut the game down.

Spoiler: Dwarf Fort: The commercial (click to show/hide)

Scene opens to a Blue Jay perched on a branch. It blinks and tweets happiliy on the camera. Then the tree bursts into flames. The bird squeaks and dies. The camera zooms out to reveal that the tree is partially submerged in magma.
 
Cut to two dwarves on a wall. They both wear iron helmets that obscure their eyes, have comically large noses, and the hallmark beard of the dwarven race. One holds out his hand, and the other, grumbling dwarvish curses, places a coin in the firsts hand.
 
URIST THE SECOND: Best two out of three?

[Torxciv]

Sounds great, but I feel like the whole thing should be animated in a combo of ASCII and pixel art, if you know what I mean. That way the poor schmuck has some sense of what he's buying.

DF may never cost a penny but it'll devour your soul.

[Karnewarrior]

Sounds great, but I feel like the whole thing should be animated in a combo of ASCII and pixel art, if you know what I mean. That way the poor schmuck has some sense of what he's buying.

DF may never cost a penny but it'll devour your soul.

It's a theoretical (Read: impossible) universe where some company bought DF and gave it graffics. For teh lulz.

So that would be a more viable commercial.

[kaenneth]

I was thinking of what would change in DF to make a console port.

(Like XBox360 or PS3, not /dev/console)

[UnrealJake]

I was thinking of what would change in DF to make a console port.

(Like XBox360 or PS3, not /dev/console)

Hold A to select a group of dwarves. Press A on a resource to collect it. Good, now your dwarves will go from the resource to your stock pile, filling it. Now, open the constructions window with X and place a workshop.

Yeah, a workshop, that's it, no specialised workshops, just... A workshop.

[Brightgalrs]

I was thinking of what would change in DF to make a console port.

(Like XBox360 or PS3, not /dev/console)

Hold A to select a group of dwarves. Press A on a resource to collect it. Good, now your dwarves will go from the resource to your stock pile, filling it. Now, open the constructions window with X and place a workshop.

Yeah, a workshop, that's it, no specialised workshops, just... A workshop.

In the spirit of DF:

A->A->A->X for masonry workshop
A->A->A->B for carpenters workshop
A->A->A->A for kitchen
A->A->A->Y for forge
etc.

[Mel_Vixen]

pffft. it would have a Kinect interface obviously  with an inbuilt sword-fighting simulation in adventurer-mode.

I can see a commercial with "lux eterna" or "Escape" by Craig Armstrong as Background music. The commercial could follow the life of a lowly beggar in the streets of a mayor city who joins the mighty legions of the empire. We see him rise through the ranks obtaining more power and scars. Then we reach the climax: the fight against the HFS - an open fielbattle with hundrets of people and our man doing his last epic stand! He wins the fight but loses his life. he collapses under the standard of his beloved homeland on which the camea focuses. It depicts a dwarven face and below that the immortal words "Losing is fun".

[UnrealJake]

I was thinking of what would change in DF to make a console port.

(Like XBox360 or PS3, not /dev/console)

Hold A to select a group of dwarves. Press A on a resource to collect it. Good, now your dwarves will go from the resource to your stock pile, filling it. Now, open the constructions window with X and place a workshop.

Yeah, a workshop, that's it, no specialised workshops, just... A workshop.

In the spirit of DF:

A->A->A->X for masonry workshop
A->A->A->B for carpenters workshop
A->A->A->A for kitchen
A->A->A->Y for forge
etc.

I'm not sure how you can say etc. when there are only four letters, and you've got them all there, but I'm going to let it slide 

[Chessrook44]

[Camera is following a hawk flying through the sky.  A woman with an accent is giving a voiceover.] "The histories of the world are filled with stories and legends.  Of heroes slaying mighty beasts.  Of armies clashing against one another.  Of good triumphing against impossible odds.  This..."
[Hawk dives down, to show the side of a mountain, complete with openings, spewing smoke and gouts of flames.  Dwarven screams echo from within as the field in front is littered with corpses and abandoned blades, one flaming dwarf stumbling out of the entrance on fire before collapsing to the ground.]
"...is NOT one of those stories."
[A demonic roar punctuates the screams.  Cut to game title, information of release date.]

[UnrealJake]

[Camera is following a hawk flying through the sky.  A woman with an accent is giving a voiceover.] "The histories of the world are filled with stories and legends.  Of heroes slaying mighty beasts.  Of armies clashing against one another.  Of good triumphing against impossible odds.  This..."
[Hawk dives down, to show the side of a mountain, complete with openings, spewing smoke and gouts of flames.  Dwarven screams echo from within as the field in front is littered with corpses and abandoned blades, one flaming dwarf stumbling out of the entrance on fire before collapsing to the ground.]
"...is NOT one of those stories."
[A demonic roar punctuates the screams.  Cut to game title, information of release date.]

This was a triumph...
Making a ntoe here, huge success.

[Chessrook44]

[Camera is following a hawk flying through the sky.  A woman with an accent is giving a voiceover.] "The histories of the world are filled with stories and legends.  Of heroes slaying mighty beasts.  Of armies clashing against one another.  Of good triumphing against impossible odds.  This..."
[Hawk dives down, to show the side of a mountain, complete with openings, spewing smoke and gouts of flames.  Dwarven screams echo from within as the field in front is littered with corpses and abandoned blades, one flaming dwarf stumbling out of the entrance on fire before collapsing to the ground.]
"...is NOT one of those stories."
[A demonic roar punctuates the screams.  Cut to game title, information of release date.]

This was a triumph...
Making a ntoe here, huge success.

The commercial or the fort?

[UnrealJake]

I dunno, it just seemed fitting.

[Lost Requiem]

Hmmm....

[Scene opens with a pan of the entrance to the mountainhome. A steel boot steps into view. Scene shows an approaching army of goblins.]

"The histories of the world are filled with stories and legends.  Of heroes slaying mighty beasts..."

[From the mouth of the entrance, a smaller army of dwarves, heavily armed and armored appear and march towards the goblin army.]

"Of armies clashing against one another.  Of good triumphing against impossible odds.  This..."

[As the dwarves close in, the leader suddenly stops, and the ding of an egg timer is heard. His snarl turns to a dumb smile]

Dwarf: LUNCH!

[All the dwarves suddenly drop all their weapons and run back into the mountainhome. The gobs are confused about what just happened, but this quickly turns to malicious joy, and they run into the entrance as well, weapons raised.]

"Is not one of those stories."

[DWARF FORTRESS]

[LOSING IS FUN]

[TolyK]

Hmmm....

[Scene opens with a pan of the entrance to the mountainhome. A steel boot steps into view. Scene shows an approaching army of goblins.]

"The histories of the world are filled with stories and legends.  Of heroes slaying mighty beasts..."

[From the mouth of the entrance, a smaller army of dwarves, heavily armed and armored appear and march towards the goblin army.]

"Of armies clashing against one another.  Of good triumphing against impossible odds.  This..."

[As the dwarves close in, the leader suddenly stops, and the ding of an egg timer is heard. His snarl turns to a dumb smile]

Dwarf: LUNCH!

[All the dwarves suddenly drop all their weapons and run back into the mountainhome. The gobs are confused about what just happened, but this quickly turns to malicious joy, and they run into the entrance as well, weapons raised.]

"Is not one of those stories."

[DWARF FORTRESS]

[LOSING IS FUN]

i must do an animation.

[Oliolli]

[Scene opens with an army of goblins facing an army of humans.]
"the histories of the world are filled with stories and legends. Of armies clashing against one another..."
[Armies fighting, blood and gore, troll rises up from goblin lines and shadows over the human army]
"Of heroes slaying mighty beasts..."
[Troll gets killed. Fade to black, new scene. Fortress carved into a mountainside, and a massive army of blurry characters looking at it.]
"Of good triumphing against impossible odds."
[Dwarves come out of fortress. Turns out aforementioned army is made up of goblins.]
"This..."
[Gash opens up in mountainside, magma comes out and burns everything on the battlefield.]
"Is not one of those stories."
[Scene of magma flooding through the halls of a dwarven fortress.]
"DWARF FORTRESS"
[Fade to black, text DWARF FORTRESS and LOSING IS FUN show up.]

[End]

I was thinking of what would change in DF to make a console port.

(Like XBox360 or PS3, not /dev/console)

Hold A to select a group of dwarves. Press A on a resource to collect it. Good, now your dwarves will go from the resource to your stock pile, filling it. Now, open the constructions window with X and place a workshop.

Yeah, a workshop, that's it, no specialised workshops, just... A workshop.

In the spirit of DF:

A->A->A->X for masonry workshop
A->A->A->B for carpenters workshop
A->A->A->A for kitchen
A->A->A->Y for forge
etc.

I'm not sure how you can say etc. when there are only four letters, and you've got them all there, but I'm going to let it slide 

A->A->X->X for something... And so forth.