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Author Topic: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?  (Read 1231 times)

Lagslayer

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Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« on: April 10, 2011, 08:39:08 pm »
It's still spring, and for some reason a human diplomat shows up on my map. He catches up to my mayor and says they have much to discuss. Then just sort of leaves.


diplomat: "HEY! I got something to tell you! Important stuff!
mayor: What did you drag me out here for human? It's not summer, I'm not supposed to have to put up with this yet. I'm still trying to get the elf stink off of me!
diplomat: Jeez, no need to get your rotten panties in a knot.
mayor :...
diplomat: ...
mayor: Well?
diplomat: Well what?
mayor: what is this urgent news you had for me?
diplomat: Huh?
mayor: The urgent news you came here to tell me? The urgent news you traveled hundreds of miles through who knows what, alone, without armaments to tell me in person, while I'm covered in elf stench and just generally not decent?
diplomat: OH! That. I... uh... forgot?
mayor: You "forgot"...
diplomat: ... AH! I remember. Just dropped by to say hi! See ya.
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psychologicalshock

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2011, 08:43:25 pm »
The diplomats mostly exist so that they'll die in an unfortunate accident (read:typical ambush) and then cause more war.
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SirAaronIII

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2011, 09:46:37 pm »
It's a human thing.
Quote from: psychologicalshock on April 10, 2011, 08:43:25 pm
The diplomats mostly exist so that they'll die in an unfortunate accident (read:typical ambush) and then cause more war.
Isn't that what diplomats are for in real life?  :P
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Necro910

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2011, 09:50:17 pm »
Quote from: SirAaronIII on April 10, 2011, 09:46:37 pm
It's a human thing.
Quote from: psychologicalshock on April 10, 2011, 08:43:25 pm
The diplomats mostly exist so that they'll die in an unfortunate accident (read:typical ambush) and then cause more war.
Isn't that what diplomats are for in real life?  :P
I love diplomacy!   ;D
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CapnUrist

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2011, 10:23:32 pm »
Human diplomats exist to compliment you one the hole in the dirt you've dug.

Elven diplomats exist to be laughed at for their ludicrous ideas of tree conservation, then thrown into the horrible, embarrassing pit of eternal disembowelment.
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"My doctor says I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber [...] and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes."

thegoatgod_pan

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2011, 10:32:16 pm »
You actually get elf diplomats?!
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Quote from: Michaelsoftman on April 01, 2012, 05:32:21 pm
More ridiculous than reindeer?  Where you think you supercool and is you things the girls where I honestly like I is then why are humans on their as my people or what would you?

Ubiq

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2011, 11:45:21 pm »
Human: Sure is a nice place you have carved out here. Be a shame if something happened to it.
Baron: Is... is that a threat?
Human: A threat? How dare you! Good day, Sirrah!
Baron: What the hell just happened?
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Necro910

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2011, 11:46:43 pm »
Quote from: Ubiq on April 10, 2011, 11:45:21 pm
Human: Sure is a nice place you have carved out here. Be a shame if something happened to it.
Baron: Is... is that a threat?
Human: A threat? How dare you! Good day, Sirrah!
Baron: What the hell just happened?
Stupid humans.
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Oliolli

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #8 on: April 10, 2011, 11:49:24 pm »
Elf: We would like you to stop cutting down the trees!
Baron: *Pulls lever*
Elf: (from pit) And then we would like you to stop carving them into pointy sticks and sticking them into the gr...
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Quote from: Girlinhat
When all you've got is an adjustable spanner and an entire freight warehouse of terrifying cogs and gears, everything looks like "just a prototype".
Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
You all turned Swordthunders into a bastion of madness that seems to warp in on itself under its own hatred of sanity.  I'm so happy!
Quote from: Loud Whispers
drowning babies everywhere o-o

Necro910

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2011, 11:50:47 pm »
Quote from: Oliolli on April 10, 2011, 11:49:24 pm
Elf: We would like you to stop cutting down the trees!
Baron: *Pulls lever*
Elf: (from pit) And then we would like you to stop carving them into pointy sticks and sticking them into the gr...
Baron: Should we use metal?
Elf: Just don't hurt the trees!
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Oliolli

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #10 on: April 10, 2011, 11:52:34 pm »
Quote from: Necro910 on April 10, 2011, 11:50:47 pm
Quote from: Oliolli on April 10, 2011, 11:49:24 pm
Elf: We would like you to stop cutting down the trees!
Baron: *Pulls lever*
Elf: (from pit) And then we would like you to stop carving them into pointy sticks and sticking them into the gr...
Baron: Should we use metal?
Elf: Just don't hurt the trees!
Urist McSmith: We haven't found magma yet. And there is no bituminous coal or lignite in the area.
Elf: I should care because..?
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Quote from: Girlinhat
When all you've got is an adjustable spanner and an entire freight warehouse of terrifying cogs and gears, everything looks like "just a prototype".
Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
You all turned Swordthunders into a bastion of madness that seems to warp in on itself under its own hatred of sanity.  I'm so happy!
Quote from: Loud Whispers
drowning babies everywhere o-o

Necro910

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #11 on: April 10, 2011, 11:55:12 pm »
Quote from: Oliolli on April 10, 2011, 11:52:34 pm
Quote from: Necro910 on April 10, 2011, 11:50:47 pm
Quote from: Oliolli on April 10, 2011, 11:49:24 pm
Elf: We would like you to stop cutting down the trees!
Baron: *Pulls lever*
Elf: (from pit) And then we would like you to stop carving them into pointy sticks and sticking them into the gr...
Baron: Should we use metal?
Elf: Just don't hurt the trees!
Urist McSmith: We haven't found magma yet. And there is no bituminous coal or lignite in the area.
Elf: I should care because..?
Urist McSmith:...so we have to use log power?
Elf: YOU SICK BASTARD!
Baron:*facepalm*
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Oliolli

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2011, 12:00:08 am »
Quote from: Necro910 on April 10, 2011, 11:55:12 pm
Quote from: Oliolli on April 10, 2011, 11:52:34 pm
Quote from: Necro910 on April 10, 2011, 11:50:47 pm
Quote from: Oliolli on April 10, 2011, 11:49:24 pm
Elf: We would like you to stop cutting down the trees!
Baron: *Pulls lever*
Elf: (from pit) And then we would like you to stop carving them into pointy sticks and sticking them into the gr...
Baron: Should we use metal?
Elf: Just don't hurt the trees!
Urist McSmith: We haven't found magma yet. And there is no bituminous coal or lignite in the area.
Elf: I should care because..?
Urist McSmith:...so we have to use log power?
Elf: YOU SICK BASTARD!
Baron:*facepalm*
Urist McMiner: WE FOUND MAGMA!
Elf: Hooray!
Baron: Bring it up here, our "Friend" prefers it over wood.

On a sidenote, I wonder if elven settlements get human and dwarven diplomats asking them to stop eating the dead  :-\
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Quote from: Girlinhat
When all you've got is an adjustable spanner and an entire freight warehouse of terrifying cogs and gears, everything looks like "just a prototype".
Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
You all turned Swordthunders into a bastion of madness that seems to warp in on itself under its own hatred of sanity.  I'm so happy!
Quote from: Loud Whispers
drowning babies everywhere o-o

dirty foot

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2011, 12:02:35 am »
Quote from: CapnUrist on April 10, 2011, 10:23:32 pm
Human diplomats exist to compliment you one the hole in the dirt you've dug.

Elven diplomats exist to be laughed at for their ludicrous ideas of tree conservation, then thrown into the horrible, embarrassing pit of eternal disembowelment.
I just murder them for their sheer hypocrisy.

Tree-hugging Diplomat: Hey, could you please stop chopping down trees?
Urist McBeerLover: Um, why? This is our damn land.
Tree-hugging Diplomat: It's unethical. And besides, no one truly owns the land.
Urist McBeerLover: Look, Elf. Maybe we'll cut back a little, just so we don't have to hear your crap every year.
Tree-hugging Diplomat: Fine. We'll tolerate a small portion of your tree murdering. Just keep it to a minimum, it's disgusting. Now, I have to go. I'm hungry and there's a fresh goblin corpse right there.

Tree-hugging Merchant: Could you also please stop trying to sell us these tree-based items?
Urist McMerchant: Wait, why? We just agreed to cut down less trees, not all of them. They're already cut down, and the damage is done. Plus, the work is exquisite.
Tree-hugging Merchant: We don't care. You killed a tree to make that earring. Trees have feelings, and it's not right to desecrate them.
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: Alright, well how about some crystal glass items?
Tree-hugging Merchant: That, too, uses wood when being made.
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: How the? How would you even know that if you don't do it yourself?
Tree-hugging Merchant: That's um, none of your damn business.
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: Next thing you know, you're going to be telling me that you won't buy soap from us.
Tree-hugging Merchant: Of course not, it's also made with--oh, I mean we uh-
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: I knew it, you hippies don't bathe.

Tree-hugging Merchant: ...
Tree-hugging Merchant: ...
Tree-hugging Merchant: ...
Tree-hugging Merchant: Want to buy some wooden axes?
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: I'm going to murder you with magma and make it look like an accident.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2011, 04:24:41 am by dirty foot »
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Necro910

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Re: Human diplomat just dropped by to say hello?
« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2011, 12:17:44 am »
Quote from: dirty foot on April 11, 2011, 12:02:35 am
Quote from: CapnUrist on April 10, 2011, 10:23:32 pm
Human diplomats exist to compliment you one the hole in the dirt you've dug.

Elven diplomats exist to be laughed at for their ludicrous ideas of tree conservation, then thrown into the horrible, embarrassing pit of eternal disembowelment.
I just murder them for their sheer hypocrisy.

Tree-hugging Diplomat: Hey, could you please stop chopping down trees?
Urist McBeerLover: Um, why? This is our damn land.
Tree-hugging Diplomat: It's unethical. And besides, no one truly owns the land.
Urist McBeerLover: Look, Elf. Maybe we'll cut back a little, just so we don't have to hear your crap every year.
Tree-hugging Diplomat: Fine. We'll tolerate a small portion of your tree murdering. Just keep it to a minimum.

Tree-hugging Merchant: Could you also please stop trying to sell us these tree-based items?
Urist McMerchant: Wait, why? We just agreed to cut down less trees, not all of them. They're already cut down, and the damage is done. Plus, the work is exquisite.
Tree-hugging Merchant: We don't care. You killed a tree to make that earring. Trees have feelings, and it's not right to desecrate them.
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: Alright, well how about some crystal glass items?
Tree-hugging Merchant: That, too, uses wood when being made.
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: How the? How would you even know that if you don't do it yourself?
Tree-hugging Merchant: That's um, none of your damn business.
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: Next thing you know, you're going to be telling me that you won't buy soap from us.
Tree-hugging Merchant: Of course not, it's also made with--oh, I mean we uh-
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: I knew it, you hiippies don't bathe.

Tree-hugging Merchant: ...
Tree-hugging Merchant: ...
Tree-hugging Merchant: ...
Tree-hugging Merchant: Want to buy some wooden axes?
Urist McAnnoyedMerchant: I'm going to murder you with magma and make it look like an accident.
So true.

That's why Armok gave us magma. To purge the land of elves hypocrites!
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