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[GhostDwemer]

So I just bought a giant bull moose from the Elves, thinking it would make a great lawn ornament for my front yard, you know, something for the goblins to admire on their way in to celebrate goblin Christmas. Now this poor freak of nature is mowing the grass down to sand at a prodigious rate. I put him in a big pasture outside with plenty of dense grass. He's halfway through it in a month, and starving just eating as fast as his poor little moose jaws can chew. I'm afraid in the time it would take me to move him to another pasture when he finishes mowing my front lawn, he'll keel over. Damn elves. What kind of sadistic, nature hating bastards put a giant moose in a cage and sell him to you without telling you that he is some kind of twisted freak wrought out of elven "nature" magic and doomed to suffer an excruciating torment of continual starvation for his entire short miserable life?

Elves. Well, they are off the map, long gone, probably snickering all the way back to their forest retreats. Next time, I'm paying with Magma-Card.

[Funburns]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Saga of Afedo Enenafamolo

"Fellow elves, I have come from the lush valley to report a great boon to the wilds. Trees be praised, for the Moose Queen has blessed our forest with a child, and under a most auspicious twinkling star."

Years pass, and the baby moose grows at a prodigious rate.

"Surely this moose-prince is the prophesied King of Moosenkind, to lead their quiet and gentle-natured people through dark times."

The bull moose becomes the largest moose ever seen by the elves. After noticing this towering moose is both emaciated and continually sucking down every green thing it sees, the Queen of the Elves strokes his chin worriedly and consults with the high counsel.

"It has been years since this moose-kind passed the size of all moosefolk known before, and yet still he continues to grow. The spirits of the forest take no pity on him, and if his cursed growth continues to outpace his capacity to eat, we will need to find some way to save Afedo Enenafamolo."

Months later, to the horror of the compassionate elven druids who keep forking bales of forest grass into he mouth, the gigantic, anemic moose collapses, barely able to chew between tortured breaths. The high counsel calls an emergency session in the snows of early spring.

"We cannot save him. If only we knew some magic, some way to help the Mooselord!"

"Oh Queen, perhaps the dwarves, with their great knowledge, may be able to help. We know they bear the dark magic of the metal axe; with which, the most ancient stories say, they hack into the ethereal raws of many a beast. Perhaps they could exploit some twist of Enenafamolo's natural grazer-soul, and save his life."

"Though I am loathe to say it, I see now that you speak of his only hope. We must contact the dwarves and pray they can help the bull twinkled-one."

If only they knew...

[GhostDwemer]

Okay, Elves, here's the thing about your Mooselord. Good news is, I've found a way to keep him around. Bad news is, not all in one piece. The Mooselord is moose parts now, and soon to be Giant Bull Moose Roast, and Giant Moose Leather Hoods and Cloaks. Ahem. Sorry, you really should have been more explicit in your instructions.

[Fredd]

When they return, offer them a wooden barrel of moose guts as a offering. That would be a big hint as to your feelings on the matter

[dirty foot]

At least it's not one-shotting your dwarven children when they're going out to play.

[Naryar]

[GRAZER:24] might have something to do with it...

[synkell]

Well... It IS a giant moose! Imagine a elephant size moose eating grass......Not a great way to save the grasses huh?