Cook's Log [by me, Yarf], 9 Hematite 204Hey-o, world.
I've been trying a few new things lately, so I've decided to commit a few recipes to paper (well, wax tablet).
Firstly, people often ask me, “Yarf, how do you make your water buffalo kidney roasts so crisp yet so large? Mine always collapse in the oven!”
Well, the secret is a little thing called
dog lung padding. Take your finely minced prepared water buffalo kidney, and mix it with two handfuls of minced prepared dog lung. Make sure that lung is exceptionally minced! Dog lung has a different 'mouth feel' to water buffalo kidney, so unless you want people to notice, run it back through the mincer another three times to be sure. Finally, just a dab of finely minced prepared cat intestines will help the mix stay cohesive. Bake it slightly longer than you'd leave a straight water buffalo roast, and voilà. Enormous, yet crisp, water buffalo kidney roast.
And the best part is, if you're low on dog lung you can substitute that horse spleen you're never sure what to do with!
The second recipe I had in mind is really, really simple. Just mix up your ingredients, boil them in a cloth bag for an hour, and you get this mouth-watering treat:
And the third recipe I wanted to mention is chopped crundle liver roast. Now, this one is tricky. The base is just your typical blend of crundle chops and finely minced llama intestines, but you need to actually stuff the chopped crundle liver into the intestines. You might ask, “Yarf, what's the point? It's a waste of time! Nobody will notice!”
Well, my friend, you'd be wrong.
The liver will actually steam inside the intestines, causing the flavour to permeate the entire dish. However! This alone, I find, won't do. You've got two of your three basic flavours in there: crundle and organmeat. What's obviously missing? Eyeballs. Yes, see how it nicely ties in with the last recipe? You've finished pretty much every part of the water buffalo, and now you've got a pair of rubbery eyeballs staring you in the face from the slab. Well, now you have a good way to use them up, other than just throwing them into a trifle or salad with the rest of the offal.
Grate the water buffalo eyes finely – don't try to dice or mince them, they bruise – and scatter over the roast. Delicious! I've been experimenting with monarch butterfly brains recently, and my lovely wife Jitters has recommended I try them in place of eyeballs.
The good thing about insect brains is the little'uns can digest them really easily. And wow, with the way Rockfalls has become a font of fertility, we're going to need to start ordering bug brain in bulk. As a matter of fact, Rance and Bowie had a daughter yesterday, a beautiful girl named Groder. The baby has great intuition, and likes yetis and saffron. Looking into her gold eyes is like staring into the placid natural fishpools of some lost mountain temple.
Meanwhile, my older daughter - a wilful girl named Zebrea, I must have mentioned her - is about to have her first birthday. Not yet walking and already trying to get into the rum barrels! She reminds me of a dwarf who's been without a drink for far, far too long. Hahaha. Zebrea has those amethyst eyes which are surprisingly common in the fortress. And just this last month, Jitters has graced our family with a second little girl! We haven't quite settled on a name for her yet.