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Author Topic: Roller's Block (RTD Brainstorming Thread) (HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY) (Derm is 5k)  (Read 739997 times)

AoshimaMichio

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I told you to test with colors! But nooo, you just had to go clone mega-Satan or whatever.
Old sigs.
Games.

10ebbor10

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I assumed that was implied.

But yeah, feedback, interest check, stuff like that.
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heydude6

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I'll be honest, I'm not too big of a fan of your writing style. Since I'm not a good writer myself I can't give too much advice but what I'll say is this. You use too many commas. Maybe this is a subjective opinion and not everyone will agree with it but these commas draw me nuts. Some of them don't even seem to be grammatically correct.

Take this example right here:
The natural residents of this primal world, tried to intervene, but found this new world rejected even their very existence.

I don't see why this comma is there. Maybe you were trying to simulate the storyteller pausing for dramatic effect but if an actual storyteller were pausing that often, he probably wouldn't be considered a very good storyteller.

This is all subjective though and I could very well be completely wrong. I'm no expert after all. If you still want some advice from me a good rule of thumb I follow is to use a maximum of one comma per sentence unless there's something like a list in it. If you find yourself using too many commas, then either cut some out or use periods instead. You probably needed to express that idea in multiple sentences anyway.

Anyone else have thoughts?
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Lets use the ancient naval art of training war parrots. No one will realize they have been boarded by space war parrots until it is to late!
You can fake being able to run on water. You can't fake looking cool when you break your foot on a door and hit your head on the floor.

10ebbor10

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Yeah, there are to many commas there. Partially a result of that being a draft document which was written and changed piece by piece, leading to weird sentences like that.

Though I suppose I do use a lot of commas. Should be attentive of that.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2016, 04:08:41 pm by 10ebbor10 »
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NJW2000

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Looks fantastic, I'd probably play if I had time. You shouldn't have trouble getting players for this!

Could have a tiny bit more explanation of curses, virtues, what they are and how they work. I'd be happy to suggest a couple and see what sticks, but some players might want a better idea of how they function/affect the game from the start.
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One wheel short of a wagon

Harry Baldman

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Could stand to remove the bio section, since the virtues and curses section already will let you know what kind of character the player wants, and it's not like it's terribly clear what sort of bio (beyond 'fantasy', which is going to get you invariably disappointing results if you've got any kind of image in your head) you're looking for. Maybe replace it with 'concept', which is a more concise way of describing the kind of character you'd use in a game like this. Otherwise seems like a good idea for a reasonably crunchy RTD.
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MidnightJaguar

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It looks pretty neat, might play it if I can come up with any interesting ideas for a character.
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23:31:46 <pancaeks> "Today on mystery science with the eggheads: we created these sentient crystal people, now we're going to find out if they explode!"

MainPiston: Epilogue.

ATHATH

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I assumed that was implied.

But yeah, feedback, interest check, stuff like that.
What actually forces the players to destroy a monument? Can't they just accept the contract and continue living life normally? If d(a)emons and/or fiends will pressure them, what keeps the players from taking shelter from them by pledging themselves to a god or other powerful patron and/or staying inside churches and such?
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Seriously, ATHATH, we need to have an intervention about your death mug problem.
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*slow clap* Well ATHATH congratulations. You managed to give the MC a mental breakdown before we even finished the first arc.
I didn't even read it first, I just saw it was ATHATH and noped it. Now that I read it x3 to noping

10ebbor10

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The curses force you to complete the contract, as they're so deeply integrated into your soul that you need a demon to get them out. In addition, being cursed in this way can only happen voluntarily, and not all people are willing to deal with those who deal with demons.
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ATHATH

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The curses force you to complete the contract, as they're so deeply integrated into your soul that you need a demon to get them out. In addition, being cursed in this way can only happen voluntarily, and not all people are willing to deal with those who deal with demons.
What if my character's curse is Sloth and/or procrastination?
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Seriously, ATHATH, we need to have an intervention about your death mug problem.
Quote
*slow clap* Well ATHATH congratulations. You managed to give the MC a mental breakdown before we even finished the first arc.
I didn't even read it first, I just saw it was ATHATH and noped it. Now that I read it x3 to noping

10ebbor10

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There is a reason I pick the curses. Unlike the other options, were you get to choose from a list.
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lawastooshort

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Nice to see the ancient wound system dug up, 10e10 :)
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10ebbor10

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It's a good system. Also, one I'm somewhat familiar with.
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H4zardZ1

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Alright then, i want to try a mechanic here(wizards indeed). If you are interested, please say an amount of Circle 1 spells, Circle 2 spells, Circle 3 Spells and Circle 4 spells. The sum of all chosen amount of all circles must be 5. For example: 3 Circle 1 spels, no Circle 2 spells, 2 Circle 3 spells and no Circle 4 spells.

The circle affects cooldown(renders you unable to cast(including spells other that the cast spell!) for a certain amount of time), type and power of the spell.
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Quote from: Rock
Quote from: Comrade Qwasich
Stop bullying children
I can't
I have to bully children
Sigtext and other things

Mr.Zero

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What do people generally like to know when picking races? Which aspects of their cultures should be defined? I got a few races, where I describe their origins and looks a bit but nothing clear regarding their culture.
For example I got this on a paper about elfs and dryads (2 of the 9 or so races): (Keep in mind that this is still a heavy WIP)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I compressed it into a page like this. Disregard the bear picture, that's for another race.
http://mhrtd.wikidot.com/wiki:elves

Dryads are incomplete but I was wondering how I should structure these things so that people get a good grasp of what it would mean to roll up an elf character or w/e and integrate that into their background story.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2016, 08:22:10 am by Mr.Zero »
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Durrr..
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