A SMALL TOWN IN AMERICA…
“HAHAHAHAHA, JERKOFFS!” shouts the leader of the seventh graders. First you look about you, at the dusty corners of the dead end in which you find yourself, and then into the eyes of your companions. Chuck trembles with fear. Joe is already crying. Randy’s cheeks are red with shame.
“FIRST YOU’RE GONNA DIE, AND THEN WE’RE GONNA TAKE YOUR DINNER MONEY, DICKWADS!”Chuck wets himself.
The seventh grade gang approach. You fall to the floor and curl into a ball, waiting for the inevitable.
You never see what happens next: you are too terrified to uncurl and watch.
There’s a sound of screaming.
There’s the sound of a punch to the guts.
And the dull crack of a kick to the jaw.
Then there’s the sound of whimpering; the soft sob of… of a seventh grader crying? The hurried footfall of fleeing bullies? It must be a trap: Chuck and the others are dead! They’re surrounding you! THEY’RE GONNA TEAR YOU APART!
… … … … … …
A few minutes pass. Suddenly the smell of urine gets stronger.
“Dude. Dude. Get up man. They’re totally gone, dude!”
“Wh- what? B-“
“Dude. It was an eighth grader, man! He came out of nowhere and… and he knew… he knew…”
“What, man? Come on Chuck, what did he know, buttmunch?”
“Dude, he knew YOGA, man. It was the most terrible but awesome thing I’ve ever seen!”You notice Randy a few feet from the rest of you. He seems to be vomiting.
“But what’s up with Randy, Chuck? Did the seventh graders get him first?”
“No, man. No. He just saw it all. He’s seen things he can never unsee, dude. Those bastards are in hospital now, man! THEY EAT DINNER THROUGH TUBES NOW, DUDE!” … … … … … …
A couple of hours pass. You get home.
“Mum, can I learn yoga? There’s a class at the community centre Sunday?”
“Yoga? Erm… yeah… sure?”And that is how your quest to master the ancient martial art of yoga begins. Little do you know, now, how far it will take you. Little do you know, now, how close to death you will come.
ROLL TO YOGA
You may follow one of the three main paths of Yoga:
Hatha Yoga – This is the most shamanic of Yogas. Its acolytes can perform great feats through the power of breathing hard. It closely resembles the art of the shinobi.
Iyengar Yoga – A Yoga focusing on powerful stances and toughness of body and mind, as well as precise movement. A Yoga for the tank in all of us, it can also be adapted to ninja training, although that can be said for all forms of Yoga.
Ashtanga Yoga – Also known as POWER YOGA, which kind of speaks for itself. It focuses on destructive capabilities.
I will be trialling the new Revised Revised Gatleos/Archimedes/lawastooshort WS Wound System. And by Archimedes I mean 10ebbor10. I might try to come up with a niftier title for it.
Basically, damages types will be split into the three standard types: Piercing, Slicing and Smashing. Explosions can cause a combination of damage types.
The Revised Revised system is basically something I was working on for Roll to Be Too Old For This Shit, and is designed to be more (AT LEAST ONE SIXTH MORE) deadly that the Revised system, which hasn’t led to a great deal of player turnover in The Magnificent Timelord. The levels of fatality in this are meant to truly reflect the deadly world of Yoga.
Name: I think you can do this one without help.
Sworn Enemy: This is the name of your worst bully.
Wounds: 25/25 HP
Yoga: Choose one of the three Yogic Paths.
Strength:
Agility:
Mental: To start with, you have ONE Yogic Point to distribute between the three main stats. A Yogic Point can also be spent on gaining 5 additional HP.
I am not mocking yoga. If you think I am, it probably isn’t the game for you.