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[Lillipad]

It's another beautiful day in patriotic Washington D.C. You woke up this morning happy to be an American citizen. You hop out of bed and go about your daily chores as always, and finish with time to spare. You live alone in an apartment of patriotism with your parent's consent, like any upstanding American would. Your bicycle is resting outside, and anyone who doesn't like baseball, bicycles, bubblegum, or apple pie is un-American.  You go outside, and the garden gnomes your neighbors own are all staring at you again. Hey little fellas, how ya doin'? Your neighbor gathers his morning paper, then warns you of the growing threat known as... Fascism. Regardless, you are almost late being early to work.
What do you do?

Wearing:
Patriotic shirt
Patriotic pants
Patriotic shoes

Inventory:
Patriotic Wallet ($5.00)
Patriotic Wrist Watch (broken)
Patriotic Horse Tranquilizers (guess)

[Criptfeind]

Take a hit and get going to work.

[IronyOwl]

Oh yes.

We certainly can't be not early for work! Hop on that bicycle and ride like Freedom depends on it!

[Lillipad]

You grab your baseball bat like any upstanding American would, and do your customary pre-work hits at the air. You take your patriotic horse tranquilizers out of your pocket. You got these three years ago while working on your grandfather's farm in America, they've been your lucky pills ever since. Still, being not early for work is un-American, so you grab your patriotic mode of transit, and get into town. You work at the local gas station, conveniently located right across the street from the theater. It seems The African Queen starring Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn is playing tonight, you'd go see it, but you only have $5.00 in change on you. You've failed your country by not having at least $15.00 on your person at all times, you make a mental note to work on that problem so you don't digress from being an American.
Your boss has stepped out for a moment and left you in charge of the register. A line of customers is forming, and you can't quite keep up with them. The store's garden gnome is staring at you.
What do you do?

Wearing:
Patriotic shirt
Patriotic pants
Patriotic shoes

Inventory:
Patriotic Wallet ($5.00)
Patriotic Wrist Watch (broken)
Patriotic Horse Tranquilizers (guess)

[Strife26]

Continue to work on getting the customers through the register. American Capitalism tells us that if we continue to work hard, the system will reward us with additional currency.

[Jackrabbit]

Just before anyone says anything, yes I did say this was cool. And because that's not really conducive to patriotism, I'll also say this:

Inspire customers by quoting American Sayings at them as they approach the till in the hopes of tips.

[Lillipad]

An idea pops into your head. Is it? No, it can't be! But what if... it's... it's... Eureka! Garden gnome you've been promoted! You grab a few pieces of paper, then write a few sayings that any real American should know. You've introduced The Daily Patriot to the gas station. The only sayings currently in it are:

We can't all be Washingtons, but we can all be patriots.

National honor is national property of the highest value.

And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

Anyone who isn't easily distracted by The Daily Patriot is un-American. It proves successful, as the line has calmed down, and your boss has returned. He awards your quick thinking with $23.42, not the most patriotic of numbers, but it at least brings you up to the standard $15.00 requirement any real American can meet. Children are, of course, excluded from this, as forced child labor is un-American. Work ends without incident, and you gather your belongings. You eyeball The Daily Patriot one last time; the garden gnome with his hanging banner is truly the most patriotic construct you shall ever conceive. Perhaps you will [upgrade] him when you have the materials available. You place your work vest in your work locker, and leave for home. Although... you do have the money to see the movie now...
What do you do?

Wearing:
Patriotic shirt
Patriotic pants
Patriotic shoes

Inventory:
Patriotic Wallet ($28.42)
Patriotic Wrist Watch (broken)
Patriotic Horse Tranquilizers (guess)

[Lillipad]

Feeling unopposed, you decide upon going to the movie. You greet the booth operator with a salute, and he does the same to you. Ah, American camaraderie, nothing fills your heart with joy quite like it. Your patriot brother does not give you a discount, because giving a discount without just reason would simply be un-American. You go to your seat inside the theater. The flick begins to play shortly after you do so.
The movie is pretty good so far. It says African in the name, but you know that the American after that is silent. Because America doesn't need to be announced. Gasp! A hooligan is talking during the film! Talking during films is un-American! You call for your patriot comrade to have him escorted out of the theater, but this un-American charlatan just won't leave!
What do you do?

Wearing:
Patriotic shirt
Patriotic pants
Patriotic shoes

Inventory:
Patriotic Wallet ($13.42)
Patriotic Wrist Watch (broken)
Patriotic Horse Tranquilizers (guess)

[Aklyon]

Secretly throw horse tranq, hope to get into the CIA by doing so.

[IronyOwl]

Escort this un-American hooligan out ourselves! We wouldn't be American if we didn't take it upon ourselves to salvage the movie for everyone else!

[Lillipad]

You look at your lucky horse tranquilizers of patriotism. Then at the charlatan. Then back at your tranquilizers, now to the left, back to the charlatan, the tranquilizers make a glorious return, then back at your shoes. Yes... Yes!!! You open your tranquilizers and ominously motion them toward the culprit. The CIA is a far off dream if you can't even sacrifice your lucky horse tranquilizers to take care of one heathen.
Removing the charlatan with force doesn't seem to be an option. You need something greater than force, something... something... American. You shall escort the heathen out of the building with the most American power possible. Democracy! And not just any Democracy, you will be using American Democracy!
What do you do?

Wearing:
Patriotic shirt
Patriotic pants
Patriotic shoes

Inventory:
Patriotic Wallet ($13.42)
Patriotic Wrist Watch (broken)
Patriotic Horse Tranquilizers (guess)

[Twi]

Silently inform the American viewers to elect American representatives among themselves who will then vote to escort the charlatan out of the(presumably American) building.
Very democratic, and in the American fashion as well.

[Aklyon]

(silently) Ask the characters of the movie to elect a escorter.

[Lillipad]

Using the power of American Democracy you form a small government within the theater. You elect your patriot comrade as president, who then selects you as chief justice of the court. Governors are selected, and you soon have a fully functioning house of representatives to help in determining the heathen's punishment. Of course this is all going on silently, and inside everyone's head, excluding the charlatan, so the movie is going on uninterrupted. You know you aren't delusional since everyone casts their vote for the issue, and seem to understand every single one of your thoughts.
Eventually a decision is reached, and you ask your court-appointed bailiff to escort the criminal out of the country/cinema. This has been an interesting cinema experience. You also note that you are no longer meeting the $15.00 American standard, this has become a real problem. You find $5.00 on your way out of the cinema, and turn it into the local police station, because possession of money that you haven't earned is un-American. You think back to the movie, and didn't notice that a garden gnome had been staring at you. You don't recall a garden gnome being in the cinema, but you clearly remember being stared at by it...
You are outside the police station. It is dark out. What do you do?

Wearing:
Patriotic shirt
Patriotic pants
Patriotic shoes

Inventory:
Patriotic Wallet ($13.42)
Patriotic Wrist Watch (broken)
Patriotic Horse Tranquilizers (guess)

[Criptfeind]

Shit. Enough prancing around.

Inject yourself with the tranquilizers. ALL THE TRANQUILIZERS!