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Author Topic: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress  (Read 5101 times)

darthsuegar

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The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« on: March 23, 2011, 09:17:03 pm »

Hey, this is my first post and my first topic, so be gentle. I searched and I didn't see anything similar to this other than The Ten Commandments of Dwarves, so I decided to post it. I read a text file (the ten commandments of C) and was inspired to write this out of boredom after a good session of DF. I showed it to some friends and they liked it, so I figured I should post it here. This is all based on my experience playing a new fortress.  :) Anyway, I hope you all like it.

I.    Thou shalt produce much of thine most holy drink from the fruits of the world and of the sweat of thy brow.
II.   Thou shalt never make waste of thine stone, wood, or time.
III.  Thou shalt always aim to kill thine foe, lest they return.
IV.   If thou doth anger another race of Armok, thou shalt prepare for the worst.
V.    If thou shalt experience critical failure in thy form of death, yet have servants still in thine grasp, thou shalt not abandon fortress, for doing so is a disgrace to Armok and a disgrace upon thine mountainhomes, and of thy holy dwarven race.
VI.   Thou shalt make use of thy land Armok hath giveth unto thee.
VII.  Thou shalt always produce containers for thy holy drink and fruits of thy land of Armok.
VIII. If thy servants be angered or if thine servants suffer demons of the mind, thou shalt aim to satisfy or eliminate your fellow dwarf.
IX.   If thou shalt dig too greedily and too deep, thou shalt redefine "too greedily and too deep."
X.    Have Fun.
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Bobinater

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2011, 09:55:18 pm »

I like it except possibly number 2.  most good dwarf fortresses are the perfect examples of wastefulness and inefficiency.  Conserving resources is for elves.
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Gatleos

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2011, 10:05:00 pm »

I like it except possibly number 2.  most good dwarf fortresses are the perfect examples of wastefulness and inefficiency.  Conserving resources is for elves.
Except magma. Save every glob.
I.    Thou shalt produce much of thine most holy drink from the fruits of the world and of the sweat of thy brow.
So that's how Dwarves brew without water...
« Last Edit: March 23, 2011, 10:07:13 pm by Gatleos »
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darthsuegar

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2011, 03:09:38 pm »

I like it except possibly number 2.  most good dwarf fortresses are the perfect examples of wastefulness and inefficiency.  Conserving resources is for elves.
True, that. I always figured the inefficiency was a bad thing, but now that you put it that way...  :P
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cerapa

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2011, 04:28:51 pm »

I like it except possibly number 2.  most good dwarf fortresses are the perfect examples of wastefulness and inefficiency.  Conserving resources is for elves.
True, that. I always figured the inefficiency was a bad thing, but now that you put it that way...  :P
Bah, fortresses should always be as efficient as possible.

So you have more stuff for that giant statue of Armok that has magma pour out of its nose.
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Interus

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2011, 09:32:34 pm »

I like it except possibly number 2.  most good dwarf fortresses are the perfect examples of wastefulness and inefficiency.  Conserving resources is for elves.
True, that. I always figured the inefficiency was a bad thing, but now that you put it that way...  :P
Bah, fortresses should always be as efficient as possible.

So you have more stuff for that giant statue of Armok that has magma pour out of its nose.

What does armok look like?

Is having magma pour out of a statue's nose the most colossal waste of magma ever, or it's ultimate purpose?
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Neoskel

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2011, 10:07:15 pm »

giant statue of Armok that has magma pour out of its nose.

I just had an epiphany.

Magma is Armok's mucus!
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Angel Of Death

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2011, 04:11:14 am »

giant statue of Armok that has magma pour out of its nose.

I just had an epiphany.

Magma is Armok's mucus!
Cave-ins are his vomit.
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imperium3

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2011, 10:46:41 am »

My take on the Ten Commandments  :P
1. Thou shalt worship no god but Armok.
2. Thou shalt not take too much adamantine in vein.
3. Keep the forests holy. With magma.
4. Honour your father and mother. If you can find the bodies...
5. Thou. Shalt. Kill. Everything.
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery. We have enough babies as it is.
7. Thou shalt not steal. Unless it's from elves, in which case go right ahead.
8. Thou shalt not pour magma on thy neighbour. Odds are you'll accidentally pour it on yourself too.
9. Covet not thy neighbour's wife. Seriously. She has a beard.
10. Covet not thy neighbour's *pig tail fiber sock*.
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Socks inspire the same sort of emotions in dwarfs that Helen of Troy inspired in the Achaean Greeks. Although it is said that Helen's face launched a thousand ships, socks have surely launched a million ultimately-fatal Store Owned Item tasks.

Sutremaine

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #9 on: March 25, 2011, 03:19:17 pm »

2. Thou shalt not take too much adamantine in vein.
*groan*

Quote
9. Covet not thy neighbour's wife. Seriously. She has a beard.
Thou hast a beard, and thy wife too.
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Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.

agatharchides

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #10 on: March 25, 2011, 05:07:09 pm »

EDIT: Sorry, wrong thread
« Last Edit: March 25, 2011, 05:43:59 pm by agatharchides »
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #11 on: March 25, 2011, 05:22:45 pm »

I'd go for the return of the DM, closely followed by making dwarves wear clothing
Wrong thread?
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Dwarfnorris101

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2011, 05:38:44 pm »

-these commandments go to XI-

XI. Thou shalt not bother to hope that a Dungeon Master cometh. He shan't.
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Aramco

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2011, 10:14:19 pm »

-these commandments go to XI-

XI. Thou shalt not bother to hope that a Dungeon Master cometh. He shan't.

XI: Thou shalt not make references to Youtube videos about the number eleven.
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: The Ten Commandments of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #14 on: March 25, 2011, 10:15:46 pm »

XII: Thou shalt not attempt to drink magma or associate with magma in any way other than fear, respect, or use as a weapon or tool.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!
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