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[Neonivek]

So my father retired and basically without his job he does nothing and gets bored.

When he gets bored he gets picky and leering.

I deal with it mostly by never EVER leaving my room if I can help it. I never take anything out of my room (clothes, garbage, cans) because he will see it.

One of the largest current issues is that his sense of time is off and he often sees me going out once a week as a constant and intrusive activity (Heck sometimes I go twice a week). It isn't that it is once a week it is that he percieves it as occuring much more consistantly then it actually does.

I am rather sensative and I can't handle ANY criticism or leering whatsoever so this has become an issue for me (I have always been like this). Any diffusion techniques?

I already know I can't open up to him because frankly I am a rather odd person and the way I say things as well as what I say when I do so is unusual and gets him quite angry.

I am already sort of noticing how fed up I am getting, between fed up and hurt, because I am already noticing my dreams have mostly been nightmares where I got too pissed off to really be scared. Like my dream tonight where I was kicked out of my own house while I was asleep and tried to get back in while I was in a creepy neighbourhood and an alien attacked me... then I got really mad and just tied a shirt around the alien and stormed off. I've also gotten quite short tempered with some of my friends.

I guess what I am saying is that I am just REALLY stressing out over the constantly looming figure and it is driving me crazy, especially for someone like me who likes to be open but finds that doing so is not a good idea. The kind of person who kicks himself everytime he goes out because he acted inappropriately and knows why. It is like I really don't have alone time anymore and I have to really keep myself under control all the time or just simply stay in my room all day.

Ohh well... at this point I have no idea what I typed but I am a bit too afraid to see what I wrote. So I'll just post it and see advice even though I am half-knowing what I'll get (which will be "suck it up" type responses)

[Levi]

The only things I can think of are either:

- Move out
- Get him a hobby.

 

[Neonivek]

Ugh, I can't move out until I am done with school.

Though yeah I would if I could.

[Retro]

Here's my thoughts on this, and I could certainly be entirely off the mark, but I had a completely different take on your problem: Is it possible that his always-asking-what-you-are-doing is because you never ever leave your room and that he is your father who wants to know what's going on in your life while you effectively hide from him? What I got from this is basically this retired dad wants to spend his newfound free time reconnecting with his kid who more or less does his best to stay away from him, and is having a lot of trouble trying to connect with you because of both that and your self-admitted irritability and overdefensiveness regarding a private and largely-online lifestyle that older generations much more often than not have difficulty understanding?

tl;dr - Is it possible that he alone is not the problem? You might want to try expressing your concerns and explaining your point of view and that you'd like some more privacy/independence/space/what-have-you, while also making an effort to be more accessible to him. This seems like a lot less of an obsessive nosy dad than a social misunderstanding to me.

(sorry, this is a bit of a messily constructed post in general, but what I'm saying should still come across well enough)

[Zrk2]

Here's my thoughts on this, and I could certainly be entirely off the mark, but I had a completely different take on your problem: Is it possible that his always-asking-what-you-are-doing is because you never ever leave your room and that he is your father who wants to know what's going on in your life while you effectively hide from him? What I got from this is basically this retired dad wants to spend his newfound free time reconnecting with his kid who more or less does his best to stay away from him, and is having a lot of trouble trying to connect with you because of both that and your self-admitted irritability and overdefensiveness regarding a private and largely-online lifestyle that older generations much more often than not have difficulty understanding?

tl;dr - Is it possible that he alone is not the problem? You might want to try expressing your concerns and explaining your point of view and that you'd like some more privacy/independence/space/what-have-you, while also making an effort to be more accessible to him. This seems like a lot less of an obsessive nosy dad than a social misunderstanding to me.

(sorry, this is a bit of a messily constructed post in general, but what I'm saying should still come across well enough)

This is a good point. How about doing something with him once a week or something? That would likely get him off your back and you could reconnect. (or some fluffy psychobabble like that)

How about trying to get him into a hobby? Maybe talk radio?

[Neonivek]

No I am not offended by any means. Actually I laughed at the suggestion.

Though I don't really get the impression he wants to spend time with me. In fact oddly enough he has been finding ways to spend time with me a lot less since he retired then before, and even back then we could spend very little time together (usually because of my sleeping problem). Also has much as he is harping on me he is harping on my brother even more, but he is a LOT better at staying out of sight then I am (plus his room is in the basement AND he currently has classes).

Prior he would try anyway to get me out of the house (usually shopping. He isn't a very good person to shop with but I don't mind. Though people have mentioned how fast I walk in stores and malls... which is slower then my dad.

I just get the impression he is grumpy because he has absolutely nothing to do and thus when he gets something, even if it is lecturing me, it gives him something to do as well as an outlet for his frustration.

Also we don't REALLY connect so much. My dad is more like my Older sister then like me. He is also more like my younger brother then me. Heck I am the least like him in my family other then in raw intelligence (and frankly that is a trait but not a personality trait)

[Zrk2]

Bringing us back to the fact that he probably needs a hobby. What sort of things is he interested in?

[Neonivek]

Bringing us back to the fact that he probably needs a hobby. What sort of things is he interested in?

Golf, Crosswords / Puzzles, Beetles music I guess, he used to be into games (the lastest game he enjoyed was Return to Castle Wolfenstien... if only there was another game he would like) but doesn't play them.

He also builds things and is quite good at it. Cooks too but he has really bad habits with cooking such as cooking too much or storing everything IN ONE BAG!

The problem is he needs to go out and DO them as well.

UGH!!! don't tell me I am going to have to... learn golf... to get him off my back? Well could be worse.

[Zrk2]

How about building a deck or something then? Or building birdhouses to sell or something like that.

[Askot Bokbondeler]

Any diffusion techniques?

i'm pretty sure df utilities don't work in real life... oh, you said diffusion

eh, now serioulsy, i was in a similar situation a few years ago, i only found a solution when i went to college in another city and had to move out of my parents home, but before that what i did to cope with the problem was spending the least possible time at home, not by going out, but by staying in school until late and making up excuses