What did Helen Keller's parents call the closet?
Disney World.
Now then:
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.
What's green, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
Pool table.
A man (Man 1) walks into a bar on the penthouse floor of a high-rise building. Bartender asks what he'll have and the guy next to him (Man 2) says "You should get the special." Man 1 asks man 2 what's so great about the special. Man 2 says "Watch." He orders the special, downs it, jumps out the window. He flies three laps around the building, flies back in, says ta-da. Man 1 says "Holy shit," orders the special, downs it, and jumps out the window. He falls to his death. Bartender says "You're a real dick when you're drunk, Superman"
Depending on your love of disappointment/anti-humor, this joke will either be the worst thing you've ever heard or the best thing you've ever heard. If the former, you may lose your ability to laugh at anything ever again. It's that powerful.
George Bush is in office (That's not the joke, dingus). He's sitting in the oval office when an advisor runs in. "Mr. President," he says, "Terrorists have attacked the World Trade Center, thousands are dead!" George is shaken, but keeps a stiff upper lip. "Find out who did this. They will be brought to justice," he says.
Another advisor runs in. "Mr. President! A hurricane has struck Louisiana! New Orleans is a warzone and people are dying in the streets!" The President doesn't handle this as well. He's visibly distraught and has to compose himself for a moment. "Alright, alright. I want everyone available working on that job. We will not let our citizens down."
A third advisor runs in. "Mr. President! Your approval ratings are some of the lowest in history! The economy is in a recession, we're in two wars no one wants, and people are talking of impeachment!" Poor George can't handle it. With a gurgle he collapses and melts into a pool of goo on the floor. The advisors look to each other.
"What the hell are we supposed to do now?" Advisor 2 looks around. "We need a president. We can't let something like this happen. I have an idea." Advisor 2 elaborates. "We'll make a President-shaped mold, pour him into it, and put it in the freezer for a few hours. He'll congeal and be as good as new."
"I'm not sure I like that plan," Advisor 3 says. "We might set a precedent."
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Topic: Has anyone heard about the fire at the circus last night? (Read 3577 times)