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[RedKing]

Ah, tasteless jokes in school....those were the days. I remember coming up with this one a mere two weeks or so after the Challenger disaster:

Q: What's NASA's favorite charity event?
A: Hands Across America.

Considering how deeply the Challenger explosion traumatized me, it says something about the resiliency of children (or maybe just how they deal with grief) that I was making tasteless jokes that soon after.

Another that I remember:

Q: What color were Christie McAuliffe's eyes?
A: Blue. One blew this way, one blew that way.

[Blargityblarg]

Live, o Thread!

Yeah, I thought we could use a few more jokes, though perhaps some more emphasis on non-riddle-format might be nice.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

An English Captain is leading his army through the Scottish wilderness near Inverness, when he hears something suspicious from the next vale. He selects his finest soldier from the group, clad fully in chainmail, with a shield and a spear, and tells him to flush out whatever it is. Soldier goes, and shortly afterwards an unmistakeably Scottish voice starts crooning and laughing from over the hill, making various assertions about the immediate ancestry and combat prowess of any Englishmen that happened to be the area, citing the one he just dispatched as an example. The Captain, pissed off by now, sends ten men. Again, they do not return, though there is at least a brief period of terrified screaming before the mockery resumes. The Captain, in unthinking rage, sends the rest of his men into the vale. Ten minutes of screaming and shrieking pass before a single, mortally wounded English soldier limps back into view. Falling into the Captain's arms, he says 'Cap'n! don't go in there! There's two of the bastards!'

[Angel Of Death]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender politely asks "What's that steering wheel doing down your pants?". The pirate replies with "YAAARRR. It's driving me nuts!"

[RedKing]

Two atoms were walking down the street, when one said "Ow! I just lost an electron." The other asked "Are you sure?", to which the first replied "I'm positive!"



Ole and Sven took their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing.
As they where augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say,
"There are no fish under the ice, go somewhere else."
Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet North and started to make another hole.
The voice came again, a little stronger this time,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE."
They both looked around and then looked up.
Ole said humbly, "Are you God?"
The voice said, "No I am the ice rink attendant."



A man opened a tub of margarine and there, in the margarine, was the face of Jesus. He took it around to his neighbour, Mr Chen, who shook his head and said "I can't believe it's not Buddha."


A couple are sitting on the patio.
The man says "I love you."
The woman says "Is that you talking or the beer?"
The man says "It's me talking. To the beer."


An Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman walk into a bar, sit down, and each orders a beer. Just then a fly happens to fall into each. The Scotsman picks it out, flicks it aside and begins drinking. The Englishman pushes the beer away and asks for another. The Irishman grabs the fly's wings, squeezes, and yells "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

[Darvi]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender politely asks "What's that steering wheel doing down your pants?". The pirate replies with "YAAARRR. It's driving me nuts!"

"Ye know, we were all there when I said that."

[Zrk2]

What has seven arms and sucks?

Deaf Leopard

[Angel Of Death]

What has seven arms and sucks?

Deaf Leopard

Wait, what?

[TherosPherae]

So Argon walks into a bar and the bartender just starts yelling at him, "We don't serve noble gases in here! GTFO!" Argon doesn't react.

What do you call a baby yard pest? A nano-mole. (It's a Chem joke.)

How much wood would a woodchuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ALL OF IT.

There were a large number of warring tribes on Ambiguousland. One of them successfully perpetrated a raid on the another, and carried away the cheiftan's golden throne as a trophy. Now, these folks all lived in small cabins made of a moderately strong native grass, and thus had nowhere to stow a gold throne, until one man came up with the idea of hiding it in the rafters. So they did, and then commenced to celebrtate their victory in the same house. Unfortunately, the ruckus caused the throne to dislodge, destroying the rafters and collapsing the enitre cabin onto the party goers. Moral of the story: Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

There were once two men out on a lake in a kayak. They decided they were very cold, so they lit a fire in the center of the kayak. The bottom of the kayak then burnt through, causing both men to drown. Moral of the story: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.

[Simmura McCrea]

What has seven arms and sucks?

Deaf Leopard

Wait, what?

It's a band. The drummer (IIRC) has one arm.

[Angel Of Death]

I know that (It's actually Def Leopard). But I don't understand the joke.

[Simmura McCrea]

I know that (It's actually Def Leopard). But I don't understand the joke.

7 arms = 4 members, one of whom has 1 arm.
sucks = isn't good. It's a vaguely subtle way of saying "Def Leopard sucks and the drumemr has one arm"

[Angel Of Death]

I get it now!

[Strife26]

So Argon walks into a bar and the bartender just starts yelling at him, "We don't serve noble gases in here! GTFO!" Argon doesn't react.

I like this one, just because Argon is my favorite element.

[rhesusmacabre]

Why did the chicken cross the möbius strip?

To get to the same side!

[Acanthus117]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste a little funny to you?"

What's the best contraceptive for old people? Nudity!

Spoiler: Racist joke, be warned (click to show/hide)

An African-American and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving?

THE POLICE!