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[Patchouli]

I recently moved back into my parent's rather large house. They told me that some relatives had moved in recently as well. Apparently an entire nuclear family. Didn't care about that with the current state of my income, and moved in.

Now, everything was all fine and dandy for a month, then I actually left my room and conversed with them. Turns out my cousin (isn't my first one, but I don't really know where she is on my family tree) is one incredibly depressed girl of 18 years old. It doesn't help that she confesses she has a crush on me. I don't know how, considering she's had maybe eight glimpses of me when I had to leave my room for food, work, and school, and talked for about 20 minutes total. Anyways, she goes on to tell me a whole bunch of stuff about her best childhood friend telling her that she "doesn't need her anymore", her ex-boyfriend breaking up with her, and how I'll never return her feeling due to being related. Being a fairly care-free dude for the most of my life, I was only able to give a sorry half-assed talk. Her self esteem is quite low, she's ridiculously emotional and cries a lot, and she fears having independence for some reason that I'm not able to understand. I tried to get her to elaborate more on that, but it didn't get anywhere.

Telling her parents does not seem to be a very good option, as her parents read emotions like bricks, and they're likely to be more pissed at her whining than anything else.

She doesn't have insurance, and money is an issue, so going to a doc for antidepressants isn't a choice I can pursue in the short-term.

I'm a 19 year-old guy that doesn't know how to deal with this.

[DJ]

Sounds more like acute depression over getting dumped rather than something chronic, mostly because she's looking for rebound in relatives(!). Maybe rebound really is what she needs, in which case you could try hooking her up with one of your friends.

[Patchouli]

Sounds more like acute depression over getting dumped rather than something chronic, mostly because she's looking for rebound in relatives(!). Maybe rebound really is what she needs, in which case you could try hooking her up with one of your friends.

My circle of good friends is fairly small, and for the most part, they already have girlfriends, or aren't interested in pursuing one. She has shown interest in other guys in the past month apparently, but that plan went to hell when facebook drama and gossiping led to utter embarrassment for her.

Maybe you're right, and that might explain why she's looking into the family. I could try to find a guy for her, but again, due to current circumstances, that's pretty much a long term thing and is difficult to plan out for the short term.

[Domenique]

The most important thing when you're depressed is to speak out, so even if it bothers you, let her speak all the time she wants with you, because isolation from others may bring a deep depression, which may only be cured with anti-depressants. Dealing with a break-up is serious, as most of us probably know. Only time and/or some new guy in her life will help. Just make sure she feels needed, because after break-ups we all feel unneeded, that's a really bad thing for a depressed person.

[DJ]

I think she mostly needs a confidence boost, ie guys hitting on her. If she's attractive, get her to go to a club. If not, try taking her to a D&D session, as bad as it sounds. I know stereotyping is bad and all, but those guys will hit on anything in skirt that shows interest in their hobby. I know, I'm one of them

[Domenique]

Also a friend could boost her confidence with some flirting, it helped on my sister (too much...).

[Cthulhu]

I think she mostly needs a confidence boost, ie guys hitting on her. If she's attractive, get her to go to a club. If not, try taking her to a D&D session, as bad as it sounds. I know stereotyping is bad and all, but those guys will hit on anything in skirt that shows interest in their hobby. I know, I'm one of them

She needs to feel appreciated, not drooled at by a coven of trolls.

That being said, if she's into D&D and stuff sure, why not.  I don't necessarily agree that she needs to be hit on, but having some friends who share her interests will help boost her self-esteem.

[Mindmaker]

Rebound is just a horrible, short-term quick fix.
Not to mention, that if it fails, matters get even worse.

Support from friends and family seems to be the way to go.
She needs opportunity to speak herself out and to feel appreciated.

[Ricky]

I'm no expert on any of this, but it seems it would be nice if she went to an amusement park. If she likes you, she should be happy to just be around you.

What's wrong with cousins going to an amusement park together?

[Eagleon]

Sounds like she might actually have problems, vs. temporary stuff. Have you talked to her family about it? That's the best place to start here. They might not be aware - you learn very quickly to hide this crap. Otherwise just keep letting her vent, without taking advantage of her obviously. Personal experience here - depression (or in my case bipolar depressive non-manic states ) makes you incredibly self-centered. It's very lucky for her that she's not also the type to withdraw at the same time, or if she is, she sees you as someone she can open up to for whatever reason. As long as she has that it's unlikely to spiral too much out of control. If she stops talking to you suddenly, that's the time to start worrying.

I don't take medication because of personal preference, but that doesn't mean they're terrible for everyone. If she's truly depressed, as in constantly feeling this way no matter what the situation, it's probably worth it to take something. There may be resources near you to get her help. Contact human services or the equivalent in your area - chances are they can direct you to something, at least, be it a university program, a basic counseling service, or another state that has better health care.

[Patchouli]

Thanks much for the help, you guys can't imagine (well maybe you can actually) how much all of this will help me out.

Part of the problem is that while I want to help her, I want to avoid her getting more into the idea that "I'm the only one for her". The taboo makes it more difficult than it should to talk with her, because the last thing I want to happen is I-don't-know-what if someone finds out she has a crush on me. It also limits the possibility for her to talk about her personal feelings with any of her family members. Thankfully, she's never escalated beyond general flirting.

I get the feeling that she'd like one of my friends, but he's already taken, and I'm not sure if she'd get all mopey again if another guy she likes is unavailable.

She also had a horrid lack of drive, and is unwilling to do much by herself. She likes watching movies, but she only wants to watch them with me, and that really isn't going to fly once I'm off of break and back busting my balls in school. Actually, would getting her into a hobby help any? I was thinking it might, but I don't know. She says she used to write, but she can only write when it's quiet, it's usually only quiet when she's alone, she always ends up crying when she's alone.

I imagine it might be easier if I knew how long her woeful lack of self-esteem has been going on for, but I'm not a smooth talker or anything. Like I said, her childhood friend trashed her quite a while ago, when she was in middle school/high school, but it might not have affected her until she got all depressed and started recalling it again.

[Zrk2]

How about a ridiculously long book series? The Wheel of Time of Harry Potter or something.

[Poltifar]

How about a ridiculously long book series? The Wheel of Time of Harry Potter or something.

Wouldnt that cause her to isolate herself some more? I'd think that if a hobby is needed, better have something that needs at least occasional human contact...

[Mindmaker]

Is she into anime?
Really helped me at times, when I felt depressed.

[profit]

In my not so professional opinion: Her problems stem from her family, having them try to help fix her is like going into debt to relieve money troubles.

She has obviously never learned coping techniques.   She does NOT need medication, she needs time and experience at life.

She is suffering from an emotional setback, and it is compounding by her lack of achievement.   I know this is said many times, but she needs a hobby, one that can be done with others and one that she has to do significant physical work in.  I would highly recommend volunteer work, especially for the habitat for humanity.   I do freely admit this hobby will be used to fill the same void that the relationship was trying to fill and will not be entirely successful, however I seriously doubt the relationship would have been successful either at filling it long term.    For the record, yes I know it will be EXTREMELY difficult to convince her to volunteer.   You are probably going to have to bribe her.  I would recommend using her crush on you as a starting point to do so, and say if she will come with you and do it with you for a while you will give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek every day she does it.  (remember everyone has a price and a lot of the time it is not money)

Yes, I realize this will take a lot of your time.  However I know you love your cousin, that is why you are here asking this, so I know this will be one of the smallest of sacrifices for you in the end if you can help her.

(I did not have to give kisses or hugs but the above did work for me when I was trying to turn a friends life around)