Okay here it goes. I'm not quite in the mood to butcher the english language and use it's entrails for writing, so I'll be doing "very stupid" instead of "hopelessly idiotic."
From the journal of Rakust Rakustilir, year 6:
Yaaaaaay! I've been chosen to lead the next expedition! Our king said something about an "experiment in fortress management of those with critically low cerebral activity." Sounds scientific! I'm glad to do my part for the kingdom. My friends said they'd help me out with supplies, here's what they came up with:
They said there was a typo in the gem's name and all started laughing, but I don't quite get what was so funny. Well, it's good that they're in fine spirits anyhow.
Spring:
And so I set off to embark! My fellow dwarves do not seem to mine rock very fast, so we've been forced to set up camp above ground for a few weeks, and our main fort will be carved in dirt. It is a sad state to live as elves do, but we work hard so we are happy anyways. Here is what our fort looks like after our miners have finished their work:
At least below that we have some small rooms so that we may sleep around rock walls, as a dwarf should.
Summer:
Hooray! Some more dwarves showed up! They must have been impressed by our had work! One claimed to be a great weaver, and attempted to make some yarn out of stone. He did not succeed. Perhaps he was out of practice. We do not have much stone to use, so trading with the kingdom will take a lot of work. We decide to slaughter some dogs and use their bone and meat to make trade goods.
Autumn:
Fall has been a great disapointment. I was instructed to ask the diplomat for an anvil, but he immediately left, saying he "would not bother discussing trade with a leader who traded exclusive with dead dog products" We make fine dead dog prducts thank you! Oh well. Even worse, the caravan did not have much good stuff. There were no axes, no seeds, and not one anvil, the only thing we traded for was some food and another pick really.
A meeting was held to discuss the future of the fort. With only one woodchopper, no diplomat, more migrants to take care of, we would run into a wood and possibly seed shortage if the coming goblins would force us to stay indoors away from the bushes and trees. Many days we deliberated but only concluded that elves sucked and magma was awesome. Then suddenly oddom seems to have a good idea. I ask her what it is, but she says words cannot describe it. She immediately begins piling a large amount of rock around her. She continues for several minutes and asks me to attack her. I cannot! My god, what a brilliant idea! We can pile rocks around the stuff we need above ground!
Work begins immediately on the Rock Pile of Greatness, referred to by most as the RPG.
Winter:
Since the goblins could send an ambush before we are finished with the RPG, we work on some traps in the entrance to our fort. I was instructed that cage traps would be best, but I do not understand how dropping a cage on the head of a goblin would work very well. Instead we make lots of stone traps. Meanwhile, our non-dog animals must have been neglected, as piles of miasma begin growing in our meeting hall and several dead yaks and sheep lie around. Oh well. One of our dwarves gets really pissed off about this, but I don't know what to tell her. Work on the RPG goes well and I am confident that another dwarf can take over to give me a break.
More pics:
Okay here's the save, I think. All I need is to load the region save right?
Save Some things future leaders should know:
A) There's no nobles
B) Farmers only get one plant per seed. So don't cook any plant stuff other than syrup, sugar, or quarry bushes. Except maybe plump helmets, caravans have tons of those.
C)Due to a seed shortage in the future being likely, we might eventually want to farm above ground a bit with some herbalists. Of course, this will be very slow since dabbling herbalists are really really really bad.
D)For the sake of FPS, you might wanna slaughter most of the dogs. They had a rather large litter
E) Also, dwarves are all equally bad at stuff, so I personally have a custm profession in DT called "Dwarven moron" that simply turns on all of the lesser important non designation stuff (everything except minind, woodcutting, stone detailing, farming, etc).
Author
Topic: Moron Fort- A Stupid Succession of Epic Stupidity (.31.19) (Read 13330 times)