The following is a transcription of an interview held during an official inquest by the justice department of Areliton Ador into the matter of the deaths of several dwarves, including nurse Mestthos Akgosmeng, in 1009U. The interviewed is one Cog Lilarerith, farmer. The interviewer's name given as "XX" in place of their name.
Cog: Bloody hellfire, you dragged me away from a perfectly
pristine dinner and shoved me into an empty office, you could just as well tell me what it's all about!
XX: My apologies. Now, lets see . . . Cog Lilarerith. You work in the farming zone . . . excellent planter, good with animals, very well. You mostly stay underground, as per orders, occasionally help out with . . . construction work.
Cog: Aye, my life story. Right there. Now let me go back to my dinner.
XX: I understand your displeasure, but discretion has been an important factor lately in keeping the fort organized and under control.
Cog: Ye bloody idiots can't even keep 60 dwarves under ye control?
XX: We're doing the best we can with what we have. Interest in fort matters from outside has dried up and good dwarves have died.
Cog: Well y'bloody well don't need to tell me. I'm well aware of the fact. Indeed, y'might say I'm intimate with the fact that my closest friend was killed by-
XX: By something we're skeptical even exists.
Cog: Aye, because you spend all day in offices like this one. What's the weather like today, soldier? Got an answer? No, I didn't think y'did.
XX: You're also responsible for the construction of . . . Cog Lilarerith.
Cog: . . . aye, my trumpet. What'n the abyss does this have to do with-
XX: Why did you name your trumpet after yourself?
Cog: Blast it all! Am I being graded? Is this some kind of test of my ability to endure the smell of the donkey scat of the administration here?
XX: I'm just trying to judge your mental conditions. I need to know your testimonial is one of sound mind.
Cog: More sound than my trumpet. Git' on with it, if y'must. Roast's gettin' cold. Aye, by now it might as well be a bordello for bloodflies. If'n I miss dinner on account of this and I've got to head back up to crank out fifty more swaths of cloth for a hospital that don't even operate anymore I'll be breakin' down doors.
XX: Very well . . . you were working on the construction of the obsidian plug at the time that two masons were struck down under, shall we say, unusual circumstances.
Cog: Unusual, aye, as unusual as a fish walkin' up out of the bloody water and smackin' them to death with its tail.
XX: So, you persist that this was the cause of death.
Cog: Aye.
XX: As . . . improbable as it sounds.
Cog: Aye, they're bloody well dead aren't they? What, did they trip, fall and break all their ribs?
XX: We're trying to rule out the possibility of, er, deadly fish.
Cog: Rule away. I saw it all myself. You can rule the story left right and center, still happened plain as caverns. I was luggin' stones from the coal shafts up to the deathtrap . . . aye, the bloody deathtrap they're havin' us build out there. Gettin' the stairs all set up. For a day 'r so we heard goblins chasin' some wayward elves around the jungle. Dunno why they keep comin' back here given that none ever return.
Cog: Well, like I said . . . luggin' stones, gettin' stairs ready. All of a sudden some of the workers on the shore start screaming. I drop my stone, run to the edge of the stone cap, and I see it. It's there, makin' its way up the bridge to the shoreline as fast as any dwarf could run.
XX: And, again, how would you describe the creature that you claim you saw?
Cog: "Creature that you claim you saw" [It is noted that the interviewee scoffed loudly after repeating the words of XX] Quit patronizin' me, fer Armok's sake it was a marlin. A giant bloody marlin. 'Cept it had no skin, nothin', just . . . bones. And it was movin' quick as all the abyss.
XX: A marlin. As in, a fish.
Cog: No, I'm talkin' about "Marlin" the elfy god of daisy-chains and maypole dancin'. Yes, "a marlin as in a fish."
XX: A fish, as in, an ocean-dwelling creature.
Cog: Lemmie just summarize it for you here, for a third time, since you seem to be havin' a little trouble catching it all. A fish: fins, flippers, scales, tastes great with diced plump helmet if it's ALIVE, big stupid eyes . . . again, if it's ALIVE. A fish. You catch it with a string on a stick. Doesn't take a genius to know what I mean when I say "a fish."
XX: It's just difficult to, well, confirm such a claim.
Cog: Aye, especially when you've got, what, ten eyewitnesses tellin' you it happened and two of y'own soldiers came back with bruises to show for a fight with the bloody thing. Hard to believe. Yup yup.
XX: How was a fish moving about on land, if you're indeed talking about the creatures you'd find swimming in the sea?
Cog: I don't . . . exactly know. I can't quite describe it. It weren't floating, but t'wern't walking either. Weren't rolling nor flapping. It just moved up there, can't quite explain it. Doesn't even make a lick of sense. I was blinking like a mule in an ocean of flies a'fore Kubuk started scufflin' with it.
XX: So you saw a fish move from the sea to the shore, but you don't know how it got there.
Cog: Well it MOVED there, I just don't know HOW it moved there. I saw it move but I don't . . . know what I saw. It just got up there.
XX: I see.
Cog: Then a'fore anyone knew what to do it was jammin' its bones into his arms, his belly, everywhere it could. Felt like we were all going mad just watchin' it from a distance, and Kubuk was goin' out of his damn mind.
Cog: Besmar tried to help, but it whapped him clear off the beach into the ocean.
XX: It "whapped" him?
Cog: With its tail.
XX: I . . . see.
Cog: For all the seein' you do, you don't seem to be payin' any attention. Anyway, none of us knew what to do. Thankfully someone in the barracks had heard the ruckus and came to help. Ahra, wasn't it? Yeah, it was him. He came ill prepared, though. Had his spear with him, and there wasn't anything on a fish made of nothin' but bones to stab.
Cog: Tough fight for Ahra, thought he was goin' down like Besmar.
XX: Enolic reported minimal bruising after the conflict.
Cog: That's because Ahra is hard as stone. He shrugged it all off by the time he'd made it to the hospital.
XX: Commander Sigun reported also witnessing something to this effect. The fish, I mean.
Cog: Well he started hackin' it up, so I
suppose you could say he bloody well saw it.
XX: And yet there remains no evidence of a corpse.
Cog: Well that I can't quite figure, since Sigun . . . well, in the middle of fighting the damn thing it vanished.
XX: Vanished? Is this another characteristic of these skeletal fish?
Cog: Is this an interview, or didja just want to grind my face in the gravel?
XX: Without any evidence of a corpse, we can't assume anything being said here is factual. We're still trying to determine if there's some manner of deception involved.
Cog: Y've got all you need. A fish killed Kubuk and drowned Besmar. You don't need anything else, but y'won't listen to us anyway.
XX: I suppose I've asked everything I need to of you. You may leave.
Cog: Oh, I "may" leave now? Good riddance, I'm starving and y've made a damn fool of me.
XX: Apologies for the inconvenience.
[It is noted here "Cog departs the room"]
XX: Now, onto the matter of the . . . er, hospital quarantine. Send in the nurse.
[Page end]