Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Taricus]

Smash the entire board in hopes of getting promoted to CEO

8/10

[Lillipad]

You throw a massive party in your head, though you weren't sure if everybody was invited. You faint from confusion, and wake up as the architect. Your loving daughter just went to her friend's house, Seņor Gato is asleep with an old project of yours, and your loving wife is getting ready for your night on the town filled with restaurant plague eradication. You do your ceremonial board smashing in preparation for tonight, and give your wife a quick peck on the cheek. It's cold out tonight, so you warm up the car. Your neighbor, who you suspect of stealing the morning newspaper of everyone in the neighborhood, is out watering his goat.

[Hubris Incalculable]

Dropkick the newspaper-thief's goat in the throat

6/10

[Taricus]

Dropkick the newspaper-thief AND goat in the throat

9/10

[Lillipad]

Your manliness will no longer tolerate this heathen stealing your newspaper anymore. It is simply unacceptable. You get out of your car like the boss you are and walk over to your neighbor. He waves as you walk, the fact that he had the nerve to even try that causes you to curb stomp him a few feet back. You stare his goat in the back and notice something you refuse to tolerate under any circumstances. The goat's eyes, they are the same as the abyss of your nemesis, the broken toilet! Your rage flies off the Man Charts, and you dropkick the mammal in the throat. Sadly it survives, PETA would be proud. At least the broken piece of garbage toilet look in its eyes are gone. That abyss has been replaced by awe and respect for you. Truly, millions.

[Taricus]

Exterminate a few restaurants while screwing your wife

10/10

[Darvi]

Send the goat to Boksi. Athens can't have enough goats :3

4/10

[Taricus]

Send the goat to Boksi. Athens can't have enough goats :3

4/10

Or cream cheese 

[lemon10]

Introduce senor gato to the goat
7/10
Get a whole cheese wheel out of your fridge and eat it
10/10
EDIT: NOOO THE CHEESE LINK IS BROKEN. Fixed (for now at leastEDEDIT: or not it appears, or mabey, i don't know anymore.

[dwarfguy2]

Dude, you know what's annoying? Strawberries. You should do a rampage throughout the city to destroy them!

9/10

[Elvisdogs]

You get arrested by the cops but they forget to lock the back of the squad car

6/10

[Lillipad]

You consider eating a cheese wheel from your fridge, but the specifications are dead. Whatever that could possibly mean. Seņor Gato finds his way to the goat, who is immediately acquired as the newest member of your mammal army. Now if only the dolphins at the zoo and aquarium could understand your plight, the world would surely be yours. Truly, millions, mammals, truly. This fellow who claims to be your insanity seems to have things right, strawberries are annoying, they are officially on the list. You'd be destroying restaurants with your wife by now had the police not arrested you for gross amounts of manliness. Though the fools did forget that you are a master of escape, and not locking the car doors or handcuffing you doesn't exactly make you less of an escape artist. Now all that's left to do is destroy them restaurants, or that would be all that's left to do had you not woken up in the break room at work.
Some tool in a suit hands you your new jet black suit and a dress shirt. Apparently you've been defiled in your sleep, and the company now knows your weight, height, shoe size, glove size, neck length, asymmetrical areas, and your dental print. They've also acquired your fingerprints, and several missing baby photos of you. You check the clock, and it's only been about an hour since you passed out. Man, the president's secretaries are insanely good at their jobs, whatever that is. It could be anything if they work under the president of this particular company. One of the secretaries puts a red tie on you, because you've apparently been put into your new clothes in the time you've been awake.

[Lillipad]

All but two of the secretaries leave. The remaining two lead you to your new office, and it would seem that your previous department manager has been demoted to something similar to the status of a slave in the janitorial department. One of the secretaries sets up at the desk outside your office, and the other establishes a similar post inside your office. You presume to help with any work you might be doing. You have no idea what a vice president at this company could possibly do.
You sit around for half an hour, and the secretary outside informs you of an appointment you had scheduled. Apparently you're interviewing possible candidates for the position of your personal bodyguard. A candidate walks in, and suddenly music starts playing out of thin air. The candidate introduces himself as Pierre Kirby. You hire him, mostly because he was the only candidate that didn't run away, though his credentials are more than adequate. You find the music just as annoying as it is catchy, but it can't be turned off.
You go home for the day. You try to process what just happened, but fail miserably to do so.

[dwarfguy2]

Wait what? Too many words man, I wasn't paying attention. Ah well, when in doubt, cover yourself in cream cheese and then invent a new brand of chewing gum made from dead bodies!
8/10.

[Taricus]

STOP THAT DAMNED MUSIC!

10/10