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[Shook]

Dear Bogeymen

Martial trances screw you over as much as they do with everything else.

Sincerely,
Thob Beardrage

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Dear Adventurer

Don't charge a goblin who's standing in front of a river. He might dodge.

Yours truly,
Secret driving force in the depths of your subconscious

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Dear Goblins

Remember to guard your limbs. They are awfully easy to chop off. Actually, nevermind that. It's quite fun.

Yours truly,
Urist McAxedorf

[Icee77]

Dear Elf Traders,
What do you mean killing your own people ?!? You eat people!! SENTIENT PEOPLE!!
You know what? Screw this, you just earned yourself a trip to the business end of my Mace.
                                                                                            From,
                                                                                                    Mad Dorf.

[Urist McBusDriver]

Dear castlebloke,

Please stop making me walk to the mountain range on the far side of civilisation to kill titans. Surely there must be titans nearer to your castle?

Or do you like making me walk across uninhabited plains, deserts and forests until I get stabbed by something humiliating while I sleep alone?

Yes I could take your lesser castleblokes with me to fend off the nightwatchmen. But then I wouldn't get to fight the occasional bandit group with its enjoyable fountain of limbs.

Sincerely,
Ade Scorchedbunnies
Regional Director
Rent-o-kil