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[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Levi]

A: Learn how to meet new people.
B: Once I meet these people, how to become friends.
C: Learn what exactly friendship means for women. Most of my friends are guys, so I have little experience here.

Questions? Comments? Answers?

I can't help with B or C, but for A maybe attend a boardgame meetup(http://www.meetup.com/) group in your area?  Boardgames are fun and help remove the stress of actually socializing.  And if you don't like the people you aren't under any obligation to show up again. 

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Il Palazzo]

A: Similarly to what Levi said, a good way to befriend people is to take part in some activities together. Like going to school for example. But you might think that you've burnt too many bridges there, or something, then go ahead and join some club. Like martial arts, or chess club - something that you think you could like, and is available in your area. You'll find plenty of people with whom you've got at least a degree of similarity(they joined the club too, after all), and topics for sustained conversations shouldn't be hard to find.

B: If you're doing one thing together(club activity, running in your case, attending classes), you can do more. Ask the people you meet there to go out together. A pub might be out of question at your age, but maybe a cinema, a caffe? Or invite them over? A little bit of assertiveness can go a long way here.
Once you're "there", try to enjoy yourself. Some people might be silly, some might be annoying, but since you've taken pains to get yourself acquainted, they must have something pleasant about them, right? Certainly, you could focus on the bad sides, and complain, criticise, and generally be a douche, or you can try and have a good time.
Just sitting there and looking happy will make others like you, which will make them happy, which will make you happy, which surely will lead to a pleasant time together, and encourage further meetings.

C: Well, it's tricky. Not because women are some mysterious and unpredictable kind of creature, but because people in general are different, and can feel differently about those things.
If I were to give any advice on this, I'd say: treat any woman in the group as you would treat a man*.


*Assuming that your idea of this does not consist of making crude sexist jokes, brofisting one another, and egaging in competitive dickwaving.

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[ILikePie]

I appreciate the idea, but unfortunately the closest regular meetup is about 120 miles away and I have no car.

You can run, can't you? :-P

Anyway, here are Ronnie's two cents:
For A, well, you meet people everywhere, be it at the bus station, waiting in line at the grocery store, etc. Try starting a conversation with said people, maybe sit with them on the bus/train. It'll be awkward at first, but after speaking to them once or twice, you'll get to know each other.
B is a lot like A, speak with the new guys often, and bam, you're friends before you know it. Try to find things you have in common and speak about those. You'll end up trading phone numbers or something at some point (There's this thing about trading Facebook names nowadays, but I don't use Facebook, so I don't know.).

[Omegastick]

A: If you can't get to a club of some sort then you could always try something different that will make sure to attract a certain type of person to talk to you. For example, writing your email address or whatever on a bunch of paper aeroplanes and throwing them of a tall building would probably attract fun/curious people who want to know who would do such a thing.

Personally, I have no problems with making a fool of myself so I just walk up to someone in the street/shop/cinema and make conversation with them, before you know it you're at the cafe chilling out.

B: Once you've met someone then it's a simple case of getting them on Facebook or their phone number (I don't use a telephone at all unless I'm ordering Chinese food or it's an emergency, so I wouldn't know about phone numbers) and hanging out some time. Find something you have in common and do it together, or at least talk about it.

C: I'm not an expert with this, but I generally find that any sort of relationship that doesn't involve romance is a friendship with women, there is no 'acquaintance' stage or anything. Of course, this may just be that I find it easier to make friends with women than men, but whatever.

[Vector]

C: I'm not an expert with this, but I generally find that any sort of relationship that doesn't involve romance is a friendship with women, there is no 'acquaintance' stage or anything. Of course, this may just be that I find it easier to make friends with women than men, but whatever.

Speaking as an "expert" on female relations, there is indeed an acquaintance stage.  I think, however, that for whatever reason it tends to go past more quickly than the "male" acquaintance stage.  Or, perhaps, stereotypical female "acquaintanceship" looks like stereotypical male "friendship."

I'm not really sure, but in any case I can get along with guys and never know their names, no-problem.  This seems to work slightly less well with women, who in my experience are somewhat more surprised when you ask them what their names are after having discussed coursework together once or twice a week for a few months.

There's also definitely stages of friendship and trust, but I believe most women put effort into making whoever they're interacting with think they're getting along really well.

Meh, I think I'm swimming in my words at this point, but you can probably figure out what I actually mean.

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Vector]

Male friends/acquaintances I've made this semester: start by talking about cultural relations, move on to discussing majors.
Female friends/acquaintances I've made this semester: start by talking about cultural relations, move on to discussing majors.

For me, at the very least, I pretty much act about the same with both groups--but I feel better about arguing with men than with women, because they usually don't get upset about me being upset in the same way most women do.  Don't say anything about the tone of my voice or anything.

Of course, this is also because when I'm arguing with men, I'm usually arguing about mathematics, and the culture is completely different.  The men in the rhetoric department are just about as unhappy as the women in the rhetoric department about my attempts to pick a fight and clear the air.


Honestly, women make friends in (as far as I can tell) exactly the same way men do.  We do stuff together.  Usually we talk for a good while first, but ... it's pretty much the same thing.  Go on a hike, be in class together, be a friend of a friend, happen to be looking at the same thing in a shopping mall, recognize someone else's shirt as a certain brand (before you say anything, guys do this with joke T-shirts all the time--"Oh, hey, I see that you read xkcd!  It is time for us to be friends").  The most important thing to do is find something you have in common, or something you can appreciate about the other person, and spend time enjoying it.

That's pretty much it.


I don't think the "how people discuss things when they're sad" thing is a gender thing.  I think it's a socialization-sophistication thing.  For example, I used to give people only concrete advice when they were unhappy.  I still do this much of the time, mostly because I am a wuss when it comes to interpersonal stuff.  I have met guys who express sympathy and guys who are really into problem-solving.  I've met girls who express real sympathy and girls who don't.

There's all kinds of people, and, sadly, a lot of the gendered things in psychological texts are total bull.  Gender is a continuum, not a total binary--and though, yes, biology does indeed have an influence, it doesn't have the last say (or, in my opinion, even the biggest say).

[Zrk2]

Well, I am singularly unable to comment on this. I have ~5(?) good friends and ~15 people I'm relatively friendly with. Mostly I just feel apathy when it comes to socializing.

However, I imagine taking most of what was discussed in the talking to people thread and using it continually and letting it evolve naturally to make some friends.

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Levi]

Yes, the talking to people part will definitely help out here. I suppose what I'm really hoping for with this thread is how to be friendly with people other than via conversation.

Whatever you do, don't just randomly/constantly spit out compliments to someone all the time.  Somebody at work does that to me and it drives me nuts.

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Vector]

Eh, you can have your compliments mean something and still give them often.  I compliment people fairly often nowadays, but I also insult them a lot too.  Rather, I say things that could be offensive if one took them the wrong way.

... Er >_>

I'm just kind of blunt, I guess.  I say what comes to mind, and in general it seems to work.  I apologize when I need to apologize, get in arguments, randomly compliment people's shoes, just... whatever I think of.

For some reason, I seem to get along well with a lot of people.

I used to think the way you do, but it didn't work very well.  So I compliment people on things that I do enjoy about them.  The compliments that are difficult to get out of me are compliments about intelligence or work ethic--so in some sense, I suppose I am kind of holding back.