Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[ILikePie]

I know I'm a bit late for the party, but another way to be more noticeable is to call people by their names. Either when confirming someone else's statement (e.g. "Okay, cool, I can do that Donny."), or when starting your own (e.g. "Hey George, wanna come to prom with me?" ).

On a more facetious note, I need to learn how to defend myself from death glares. (C is one of the more popular girls at my school, and the only reason I can imagine she didn't have a date is because everyone assumed she was out of their league.)

If you get any "death glares," just keep your back and neck straight, your chin up (try too keep a generally confident posture), and look the guy right in the eyes. Don't ignore or avoid eyes in general. Avoiding eyes shows a lack of confidence, whereas looking at peoples eyes says "Hey, I'm not afraid of you" etc.

[Vector]

I know I'm a bit late for the party, but another way to be more noticeable is to call people by their names. Either when confirming someone else's statement (e.g. "Okay, cool, I can do that Donny."), or when starting your own (e.g. "Hey George, wanna come to prom with me?" ).

Don't do that too much, though, because it makes you look manipulative and controlling.

[ILikePie]

You shouldn't overdo anything, but tossing a name in every now and then does make people notice you.

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Vector]

Hrm, the name thing sounds interesting. I just realized how often people merely imply the subject of a sentence. If nothing else, it's a change of pace.

I, on the other hand, basically never use anyone's name.  Ever.  If I have to refer to someone, I try for a nickname.

I don't know why I do this, but it seems to work okay.

[Mindmaker]

Nobody seems to be using first names around here, which can get quite annoying, if you have my lastname. Not to mention, that it's quite impersonal.
Only 2 people, who used to be my best friends, ever called me by my first name.

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Vector]

I like a girl. My best friend is good friends with this same girl. My friend also likes this girl. The difference is that the girl knows that I like her, but not that my friend likes her.

Is she interested in you?

[Heron TSG]

[REDACTED]

[Vector]

She's not going to be dating either of you for a long time, and it would be rude to her to ask when she's still obviously (?) not ready.  So the only action you can take is with your friend.  You can talk it out with him, or you can just wait.  That's up to you.

I mean, there's no "good" course of action here.  And talking to this guy--is it appropriate?  Is it necessary?  If it's neither appropriate nor necessary and you both just happen to like the same girl, then there's no real need to air out all this dirty laundry.  He knows you like her.  Letting him know that you know that he likes her too, subtly, could help.  But all-in-all, I'd say that you're in a really sticky situation you'll need time for.

I'm just saying, when I was dating last my "best friend" made a serious attempt on the guy in question and it basically led to the destruction of all 3-choose-2 = 3 relationships any of us had with each other.

But if it were me, speaking with the benefit of experience, I'd say that she turned you down and now it's your friend's turn to have a shot, especially because he apparently liked her longer than you did--and because high school dating is just a pain all around.  It's really good to have a best friend.  It's pretty good to have a girlfriend.  But, frankly, in these politics you've already "struck out" by asking too soon, damaged your initial chance, and now if you knowingly try again it'll be hard on the girl and hard on your relationship with your friend.

Furthermore, too soon (without saying "if you asked later, I would have probably said yes," or similar) is just... kind of a nice way of saying no.  If someone says no, for any reason other than "I'm busy, how about next week," then they've said no and you should probably drop it for a good long time.

So, in the end, here's my personal verdict: talk it over with your friend and let him know about what you know of the situation, but defer to him.  Find a different girl, or just try to get over this one--if you hang on her while she's unavailable, it's going to be creepy and unattractive.  Once you feel that you're over her and the mess between her and your friend clears up, you could try again.  But right now... nah.  It's just not going to work too well.

Sorry =/

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Vector]

Or maybe I'm doing that 'ignore all advice even though I asked for it' thing. I dunno.

Yeah, pretty much.  This is not "high school dating is a pain, so give it up" piece of advice.  It's a "dating is a ruddy pain, so you have to follow the rules like the rest of us" piece of advice.  It's not about "you screwed up, so you get a do-over because you know you had good intentions."  It's about "if she knows that you like her and she's not more-than-curious about you, any ensuing things are likely going to be made of enormous amounts of difficulty and confusion."

In general, you get one chance to ask someone out sincerely (i.e. admitting feelings, rather than just asking them out casually on a date), and if they say no for any reason to that declaration of sentiment then they said no.  And that's it.  Similarly, you often get only one chance to date someone.  If you fuck it up, you probably don't get to date them again, or even be friends.  That's just the way it usually goes.

It's not "unseemly," it's about her feelings about having ended her relationship.  It might not work between your friends, but the path of maximum happiness I see here involves you moving on and continuing to play the field, and allowing your friend his chance.  And besides, your seeing things as "not working" doesn't mean that you should preemptively make things not work (by dating the girl before he gets a chance to).

I'm just saying, from one lonely person with a nearly-impossible crush to another, that all my experience in giving relationship advice, and receiving it, and applying it, implies that you should really do your best to follow the advice I gave you.  It's painful, but it's not nearly as painful as many of the other alternatives would be (such as, say, you lose your friend, the girl, and your entire circle of friends over a period of three years, as is what happened to me).  And I know that we don't live to minimize pain, ideally, but I'm not seeing you getting much pleasure out of this venture in any case.

*shrug*

Take it or leave it; it's the best I've got.

[Heron TSG]

Nothing to see here.

[Heron TSG]

Locked and censored. I don't know if you can edit posts after a locking, but if you can, please remove all of my quotes from your posts.