I'm in 12th grade (If I don't drop out, gonna be doing a couple extra years), and I just don't care anymore. I'm in love, and I find life isn't worth it without the person I have feelings for. Whenever I see her, my lungs sieze up and the speech center of my brain seems to shut down. I'm honestly considering dropping out of school.
I'm sorry... But this literally made me laugh out loud. Especially when I kept reading and go to:
It's more than a crush. If she were to disappear? I'd most likely end my own life.
...and...
I meant being inferior to her...
Honestly? If you can't see her flaws, you aren't actually in love. Sorry.
I'm sure she's an amazing girl. And I'm sure you'd love to spend time with her. And I'm sure you've got an assortment of issues that make that seem impossible. And I'm sure life in general seems completely overwhelming right now. I can certainly sympathize with all that.
But you really need some perspective here.
Love isn't when your heart races and you can't think straight. That's lust. Or maybe infatuation.
Love is when you know a person completely - inside and out, flaws and all - and accept them anyway. Love is when you genuinely care about another person's happiness and well-being more than your own.
And if you were genuinely in love, you wouldn't be talking about inferiority or contemplating suicide.
You're in the 12th grade... Your life hasn't even started. That whole "bottom of the social ladder" thing? That won't even exist after you graduate from High School.
And you think you've got it hard now with your crush and your inferiority complex?
Wait until you're out of school... Until you've got a job and a house and responsibilities to take care of. Wait until the consequences of not dragging your ass out of bed in the morning aren't "
I'll get detention" but "
I'll get fired".
Wait 'til you've been hanging out with someone for the better part of a decade. Actually doing things socially and getting to know them. Become friends. Consoled and comforted each-other through some genuinely rough crap. Wait 'til you've got someone you can honestly call a "best friend"... Wait 'til you genuinely fall in love with your best friend, and they don't feel the same way about you. That's friggin' rough.
Wait until you've got a wife and kids to worry about. Wait until you're buried under work, horribly stressed, wondering how the hell you're going to pay the bills, feeling physically ill... Wait until your kid is struggling in school and your wife is having serious health problems... Wait until the entire fucking world is bearing down on you and all you want to do is spend the day hiding in bed... And then you get up and go to work anyway, because you have to, because the people you genuinely
love are counting on you - that's
hard.
Seriously... 12th grade? You haven't seen
anything yet.
It gets much worse.
And it also gets
much better.
Really. When I think back to what life was like in 12th grade... It's ridiculous. It's like a whole different dimension. Everything was so simple and small back then.
There is absolutely no comparison.
It's like in Wizard of Oz... How the movie starts out in black & white, and then they get to Oz, and it's all in color. There is just so much more to life than you can possibly imagine in the 12th grade.
More pain and suffering, sure. And I guarantee you're in for some major suckage.
But so much more joy and happiness than you can possibly comprehend. And I guarantee you're in for your share of that as well.