Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[fqllve]

So I'm working on a low fantasy story and the more I write in it the more I realize that it's going to be a big work. I've been writing it for fun really, but I figured if I'm gonna just keep piling words on I might as well do something with it.

It takes place in the Alindr islands, an archipelago off the Northwest coast of the Bygorian peninsula. Bygoria is a cold mountainous country mostly inside the arctic circle. It has kept itself under independent rule through its forbidding climate and the ferocity of its soldiers.

In the north a man named Arede hides from himself.




Chapter 1

• Scene 1
• Scene 2 // 2a / 2b / 2c

[fqllve]

arede should have been asleep. it was he who would take the dawn watch, and night had been on them now for two hours or thereabout. it was foolish for him to be awake. still, he could not sleep, and if the night called after him so, he knew it would fill him with the energy to do what needed to be done. and what he needed to do was guard this caravan.

he was sitting by a small stream that wound through the hills. so small was it that to take a drink arede would had to have leaned into it and sucked the water from between the rocks. and the the thought of it pleased him so much, a mad cackling passion, that he swore himself against it. that beautiful temptress stream, the slick scrape of the smoothworn rocks as the water slid down the hill, the frozen white glow  of the moon reflecting off its murmuring gown bouncing up in waves. arede bitterly recalled the three days of rain that had swollen this stream from little more than a trickle. a deadly rain in this cold, one where they wandered through forest on a rough leaf-covered path. no, he would not drink from that treacherous stream.

now they had come to the hills just north of nifen. they could not yet see the city, but they knew that tomorrow they would reach it. nifen was the freest city in bygoria, a port lying on the ayismir coast. it was so far away from the bygorian capital angar that it lived in a state of near unregulation. doing business, unsavory or no, with any country, no matter their actual relations with the bygorian state itself. and so every merchant, highway man, and hired sword called it his home. some, like arede, had even been born there.

but why did the night call him here? maybe that was bullshit maybe it was he himself that was to blame. maybe there was something within him that made him unable to sleep. but he didnt know what that was. anyway, it was enough to just enjoy the still night. the refreshingly bitter scent of the wet grass. the grass so smooth and waxy on the flat of the blade so jagged and rough on the edges. the feeling of it prickling into his skin as he laid there on his back, hands beneath his head. yes, he thought, it would do no harm to

no! he could not fall asleep. however, though he knew this he did not immediately take the only course of action that could save him, sitting up. instead he continued to lay there, selfsure that he could keep himself awake. even though he knew robbers plagued these hills and that they were lucky to have not encountered any. the rain, that was the only thing that saved them. now that was gone and the robbers would be back out. and now they were out in the hills with only sparse tree coverage. this, he knew, was the most dangerous night of the journey. so why did he not just sit right up?

there was pleasure in it for him. the pleasure of skirting duty. especially for one not used to allowances. the other men thought of arede as strict and cold, but why? just because he wouldn't join in their debauchery? they were drunken fools, and drunken fools got killed. he was a professional. and yet here he was about to fall asleep as the caravan teetered on the edge of a precipice. how good it felt for his hands to no longer be chained. he was a free man.

the men? they werent truly free. they were slaves to their vices. from one city to the next, with caravans, they traveled, only signing up when theyd run out of money for liquor and whores, or worse some of them, opium. none of them could be trusted. not one of them was stranger to robbery or murder. and if they ever, for a second, trusted one another they would quickly turn their swords on the caravan master.

but that didnt matter. arede would leave them behind in nifen. he had a plan.

suddenly the ground shook beneath him. or was it he in fact who flung himself into the stream. because thats where he now laid, face first. the water had numbed his ear and soaked the hair on right side of his head. but when he stood up everything else seemed perfectly normal. as if only he had been displaced.

he made his way back to camp wondering if he should ask anyone if they felt the tremors. he decided that if anyone noticed anything else strange they would report it. it was best not to have them questioning his senses.

when he got back eik and instrom were playing cards on the ground, betting money they hadnt even received yet. and there was a keg twenty meters away, where their swords were propped up against the masters wagon, the one closest to the road. the ilnwing road to nifen where the two guards were sitting, playing cards, getting drunk.

arede approached and put his hand on instroms shoulder. "look at you. getting drunk on beer that im sure ainswif doesnt know youve taken from him." he jammed his thumb underneath the danns shoulder blade and the dann arched his back in pain. "im surprised youre not sitting around the fire singing filthy ballads."

eik stood up but didnt drop his cards. "its not nearly dawn yet. captain." the way he said captain was full of mockery. "why are you so eager to take over?" he sneered, sneered as if he had caught arede in doing something suspicious.

"are you questioning my judgment?" arede dug into the dann harder.

eik laughed. "no, no. have it your way." and with a little chuckle, "captain."

arede let instrom go and the two louts walked off towards the wagons. probably to grab their swords and get more beer. but arede didn't look, he didn't care. he just turned his back to them, sure that they wouldnt dare to attack him and sure that if they survived this night they would make it to nifen unharmed.

[Willfor]

There are authors who abuse the shift key, and make too many words start with capital letters. The key to fixing this issue is not to abandon the shift key all together. I know you have one because your first post has a mild case of the first thing I mentioned, but there is a distinct and terrible lack of it in your second post. It might be helpful if you could meet halfway.

Do keep writing though!

[fqllve]

There are authors who abuse the shift key, and make too many words start with capital letters. The key to fixing this issue is not to abandon the shift key all together. I know you have one because your first post has a mild case of the first thing I mentioned, but there is a distinct and terrible lack of it in your second post. It might be helpful if you could meet halfway.

You misunderstand. It's not because I can't use them properly that I don't. Just as it isn't with the apostrophes, which are also missing. It's that they have no phonetic value. Can't doesn't sound any different from cant after all, and you can't pronounce a capital letter, so screw 'em. Especially apostrophes which are just a reason for jerks to complain about sentences like "the dog went into it's house."

Oh dear! Not in front of the children!

Anyway, I hope you'll all let the words stand for themselves and not focus on the way they're represented orthographically.


Sidenote: As for overcapitalization in the OP, the only one I was unsure of was "North" in the final sentence. Whether that constituted a named geographical feature or not. Everything else was a proper noun. And my indecision was no doubt caused by my lack of use of capital letters.

[Levi]

Anyway, I hope you'll all let the words stand for themselves and not focus on the way they're represented orthographically.

The lack of capital letters does make it really painful for some people to read though.  For people who read a lot our eyes are trained to pick up on capital letters as a cue to sentence structure.  When they go missing it gets hard to read a large chunk of text and we usually give up. 

[fqllve]

The lack of capital letters does make it really painful for some people to read though.  For people who read a lot our eyes are trained to pick up on capital letters as a cue to sentence structure.  When they go missing it gets hard to read a large chunk of text and we usually give up. 

There are some forms of writing that only have a single set of characters (as opposed to duplicates) and they aren't considered any more difficult to read, at least not with concern to eye strain.

I think you'd be surprised what you can get used to.

[Willfor]

You misunderstand the value of capital letters, actually. They are not to change the sounds, they are to aid the eyes in finding the start and stopping places of sentences. I read a lot (five hours already today), and my eyes automatically look for the ques that are built into English to move things along. I can parse its, it's, etc with surprising ease, and those errors tend not to bother me at all. Spelling mistakes, dropped words, etc. don't bother me in the slightest. My eyes don't look for punctuation either unless it's dialogue related, and then only to see whether someone is excited! or not.

Capital letters are where I start and stop sentences, excepting 'I'. Large amounts of them mess me up, lack of them confuses all of my parsing instincts altogether. I look at your paragraphs and I spend more time trying to make my mind not think that they are all one continuous sentence than I do actually reading the words.

That said! I wouldn't have said "keep writing" if I didn't think that there was some good technical writing skill there. You do overuse conjunctions to start your sentences at times, which isn't to say it's always bad to do that. I do it myself, because it's fun to break the rules. And addictive. You have a conversational writing voice that is easy/fun to read and isn't too stuffy. Technicalities don't usually bother me, but the lack of capitals really did prevent me from reading it as a reader instead of as an editor.

[fqllve]

I really hate to alienate someone who just paid me such a fine compliment, but I feel like I can't budge on it, and that's why I hadn't when I posted it. I feel like punctuation is the best way to convey sentence structure (because punctuation mimics acoustic values in speech). I intend to write a lot but I don't want to do it in a way I don't agree with.

And I don't want to go back and edit them in. What a hassle. Bleh even worse, hehe.

[Willfor]

Honestly? Don't worry about it. You're the writer, everyone else is an editor with an opinion. You obviously know English well, and you get to choose which rules you follow and which ones you break in your attempts to communicate. Now, you're not going to get published writing that way, but that's a track I am trying to go down, and therefore it's what I know. I am just as biased as anyone else, and you're the artist.

I can't exactly be a hypocrite on these matters since I like to break a few rules myself. So basically, fuck me, fuck everyone, you keep on writing the way you like, as long as you can defend it. And I think you can, so.

[fqllve]

So basically, fuck me, fuck everyone, you keep on writing the way you like, as long as you can defend it. And I think you can, so.

Thank you.

As for getting published, maybe with something more serious, but I'm just writing this for fun. It's all being released under a creative commons license, so I doubt any publisher would ever touch it.

[alfie275]

If you can't be bothered to use capitals you may want to use some sort of word processor to do it for you, they also help with other grammatical problems.

[cyancanine402]

If you can't be bothered to use capitals you may want to use some sort of word processor to do it for you, they also help with other grammatical problems.

Ahem. He did not say that he "can't be bothered" to use them, but that he finds them pointless and refuses to use them. Ditto with apostrophes.

This is the sort of story I imagine myself writing, write the first chapter of, and then give up. I love it. Although I have to force myself to look past capitalization, I love it.

[alfie275]

I'm just saying that people will take you more seriously if you use proper grammar. i maen imaigne if evrey snetnace lkooed lkie tihs it wloud be horirlbe wloudnt it.

[fqllve]

I'm just saying that people will take you more seriously if you use proper grammar. i maen imaigne if evrey snetnace lkooed lkie tihs it wloud be horirlbe wloudnt it.

That's a bad comparison. Spelling has acoustic consequence whereas capitalization does not. It's just a habit of writing. At best a reading aid. People probably would take me more seriously if I capitalized though, but I want people to take me seriously because I take writing seriously (even when it's just for fun) not because I conform to their blase orthographic habits.

This is the sort of story I imagine myself writing, write the first chapter of, and then give up.

Haha, yeah, I'm a recovering story quitter myself. A shameless perfectionist. That said, I think I can get this one to novella length at least, hehe.

[fqllve]

by dawn arede was exhausted. but he woke everyone as was expected of him. first the men, which wasnt strictly necessary but arede had always done it. then he woke ainswif, or more specifically he woke ainswifs servant thrane who then went and woke the caravan master himself. after that it was the merchants, which ainswif assisted in while thrane went and got breakfast ready, gruel and dried reindeer meet called kapaliha. a local food that they had picked up at the last village before the great osser forest.

arede did not eat and instead chewed one of the coca leaves he kept hidden between the pages of the journal in his traveling bag. they had not been easy to get a hold of, the only place in bygoria they could be safely bought was nifen and he hadnt gotten them in nifen. hed gotten them from a murderer back on the mainland. the man had killed his own wife and then fled. he carried the leaves for the same reason that arede now carried them, if you're being pursued then you might not have the luxury of being able to stop for the night. arede hated the idea of wasting one, but decided it was a just punishment for his foolishness last night.

hed hunted down the murderer after stumbling into their house looking for a place to stay the night. it didnt matter that he had the coca leaves. it didnt matter that he had nearly a days head start. arede caught up to him before he reached the nearest port minndric. that's why he had decided to come to alindr in the first place. at the time he had been intent to go down mountain to arkhan but after he finished burying the murderer he headed into town and signed onto the first ship he could. he had never worked a ship before, but some instinct had told him that this was the right path, and it gave him the knowledge to lie his way to a job. but that was all a long time ago.

after the pink dawn the sky was grey, threatening again rain. this drove everyone to ready faster, knowing that if they were not quick they wouldnt make it to the city before nightfall. arede was thankful, walking would allow him to forget his fatigue.

arede caught up with ainswif, who was near the head of the caravan walking beside his own wagon. the wagon was being driven by thrane who stared ahead motionless. ainswif was clothed, as usual, in a finely dyed robe, of blue and green today. arede wondered how much it had cost but remembered that he had seen traders wearing crimson and purple, covered in gold jewelery and he knew then that ainswif was a modest man.

"missing a barrel?" he asked as he approached.

ainswif laughed jovially for such a thin man and then looked up to thrane. arede knew that he did not need confirmation from his servant, someone as savvy as he checked his wares before heading out. apparently thrane knew this too because he did not respond.

"and do you know whose pay i should dock, captain?" he said as he turned back to arede still smiling disarmingly. but arede knew he was in fact shrewd.

"i think you already know who." and arede himself smiled, pleased at the thought of finally working for someone clever. it would be a shame to leave. on the other hand the rewards would be great.

ainswif laughed. "yes of course." then he sighed as if to ask what there was he could to about it. "at least ill be rid of them by the end of the night."

"they wont be happy for you to pay them less than agreed."

"well they should have thought of that before they stole from my wares. that wasnt any watered down swill they were drinking, that was a maenlin harvest ale. id been waiting months for that ale, i planned this whole trip around it."

"these are dangerous men were talking about."

"and thats why i have you, my dear captain."

arede laughed. "that sounds like a bad business. hiring me to protect you from your own guards."

"maybe. but i have faith in you." ainswif smiled widely, almost ominously, and arede wasnt quite sure what to make of it. did ainswif intend for something to go wrong?

"itll be good to be back in nifen," ainswif said after some time. "i find the rest of bygoria to be too restrictive."

"king kyime finds it good to restrict his people."

"ah but maybe its for the best. look at how alindr has fared free from his laws."

"but arkhan is similarly free."

ainswif shook his head and looked at arede with disappointment. "alindr and arkhan are nothing alike." then turned away.

of course they werent. alindr was the isle of thieves while arkhan was the holy empire. arede had never meant to imply otherwise. but it would do not good to protest so he kept quiet on the matter.

"i was born there. nifen i mean." arede said and ainswif turned around.

"were you now? id have guessed you were rather a knight gone rogue. certainly not the son of a scoundrel."

arede winced at the insult but bore it. "my father wasnt a scoundrel. not everyone from nifen is like that. at least it didnt use to be so."

"i am aware of this arede dememos." ainswif said and their eyes locked. how did the caravan master know his family name? he had not told it to anyone. the intellect only minutes ago hed respected now worried him. what did ainswif know? and how did he plan to use that information?

"since youre from here captain," ainswif said, "you know how far we must travel today. and that it is important we conserve our energy."

arede nodded and they continued the walk in silence.